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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to swallow my pride!

82 replies

Mrslewski · 15/06/2017 10:10

I made my personal assistant of 15 years redundant back in July.

It wasn't a decision that was taken lightly but we couldn't afford her position anymore. Cuts had to be made and I felt I could manage my job without a personal assistant.

We already have a team of admin staff and it was decided the PA's work would be separated between them and one extra admin assistant brought in. We offered her the opportunity to be the admin assistant but she refused.

She has been very happy working for us and made sure to let us know she understood the decision and love working for us.

Fast forward a year and we have realised we made a massive mistake. We never appreciated how hard she worked, her 'can do' attitude, her ability to know what needed to be done without being told, how she completed tasks to such a high standard and and more. She never needed to be told what needed to be done. She just knew.

Yes this experience meant she had a salary of 30k but it was worth it.

We've had a string of people since that didn't even come close. Our reviews online have gone from over 90% to 60% with delays and poor service now commonplace.

We're not falling apart but my days are spend having to tell the assistants what to do and this slows down processes and means delays and poor customer service. I'm doing twice the work by having to spell out what needs to be done all the time.

The admin assistants are not poor workers. They just don't work closely with me so can't know to the same standard what needs to be done. I also think my old PA had particularly good initiative.

We're going to make an assistant manager position and offer it to my old PA. she will get a salary of 45k.

We don't know if she will accept this but she is currently on 26k so I think she will.

I was planning to explain that while we couldn't afford her as a PA, we have realised an assistant manager position was necessary and we felt she would be a very good choice for the position.

My Manager says he doesn't want to run the risk of her declining and so he feels I should explain that we've realised we made an error of judgement and we do in fact need her services at the company. For this reason we'd like to offer her a position higher than what she had before and would love to welcome her back at the company if she accepted the offer.

But, I don't want to admit we were wrong. I accept it in myself but I don't want to have to work with her day in day out knowing we couldn't cope without her and having to swallow my pride. It will be even worse if she doesn't accept!

AIBU to word it like I want not my other manager? I don't want to swallow my pride!

OP posts:

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/06/2017 10:51

Hmm.
Kind of depends on the sort of person she is, I think.
If she's the sort to lord it over you that you couldn't do your job properly without her, then I wouldn't want to swallow my pride over it either - but if she's not, then I think I would probably apologise but say that now you've realised her value, you want to offer her this new position instead.

Missingthepoint · 15/06/2017 10:51

It is a far bigger person who can admit they made a mistake. If this woman is as clever as you make out, she knows the truth anyway so you should be honest with her. Your manager is giving you a good steer, you should accept his advice. Also hope that she is prepared to come back.

steppemum · 15/06/2017 10:51

but you were wrong and you do need her.
Tell her that. Tell her she is in fact good enough to warrant a new position and pay rise.

Why is it hard to tell someone they are great?

Admitting to the mistake will make her realise you aren't playing with her, but that you actually do want her.

youngestisapsycho · 15/06/2017 10:52

I'm confused..... you let her go cos you couldn't afford her at £30k... employed an admin person, and now want to bring her back at £45K?

Needanewaura · 15/06/2017 10:52

Actually you sound quite arrogant. You were arrogant enough to think you could manage without her, cos after all she's 'just' a PA and you didn't recognise her contribution (did you think it was all down to your efficiency) and now you're too arrogant to admit your mistake. Perhaps that's the lesson you should learn from this. She'd have more respect for you if you admitted it (she'll know anyway).

FinallyThroughTheRoof · 15/06/2017 10:52

she will be delighted I think.

RhiWrites · 15/06/2017 10:54

Look at it this way, would you rather work with people of integrity who will admit when they made a mistake or with weasels who will piss on your chips and tell you it's vinegar?

She knows how good she is, she'll see the mess that was created by her deoature, the decreased service ratings. She's going to know all this if she returns so stop pretending you were right. Admit you made a mistake (while doing what you thought was right, so forgive yourself for it) and move on.

Speaking as a manager, other manager is right. She may not come back if you can't fess up to having underestimated her value.

timeisnotaline · 15/06/2017 10:55

You did not value her work and talents and told her so. You thought you could do her job easily and turns out you don't have those skills. If I worked with anyone who was as bad at admitting major mistakes as you are my feedback on them would be negative. I wouldn't work for such a person - If you are never wrong then there's a high risk others are blamed for your mistakes. She will know why she was rehired and will not respect you for being unable to admit it.

EpoxyResin · 15/06/2017 10:57

Well she'd be less likely to come back if you didn't admit your mistake - after all, what's to say you wouldn't make it again!

hackmum · 15/06/2017 10:57

I imagine she'd be thrilled. £45k and a massive promotion? Bloody hell, she'll jump at it.

I am quite interested in how you can suddenly afford an extra £15k when you couldn't afford the £30k she was earning before, though!

It's not really a matter of swallowing your pride. I think an email saying "We missed you, and we'd love to have you back" would do the job.

Crinkle77 · 15/06/2017 10:57

I'm confused..... you let her go cos you couldn't afford her at £30k... employed an admin person, and now want to bring her back at £45K?

Yes I am confused about this too.

HerOtherHalf · 15/06/2017 10:58

Making mistakes is part of being human. It's how you deal with your mistakes that shows the measure of you. Swallow your pride and tell her the truth. If she comes back she will probably find out the truth eventually anyway so do you want her to value your honesty or resent you being two-faced?

expatinscotland · 15/06/2017 10:59

She might well decline, anyhow. I was in a similar role, where they effectively demoted two of us to spread our work round on the cheap. I wouldn't go back and work for people who'd do that for double what they'd be paying me. I'd never be able to trust them again.

expatinscotland · 15/06/2017 11:01

'I imagine she'd be thrilled. £45k and a massive promotion? Bloody hell, she'll jump at it.'

Not necessarily, but it may make her rethink her worth and apply for some high-paying jobs.

Original poster

Mrslewski · 15/06/2017 11:02

We are now able to afford her salary.
We have come into more money.

This was not anticipated.

She's a lovely person. She won't try and get extra money as 45k is the maximum you could expect for that position. She will know that. We wouldn't pay more anyway.

I might have to admit my mistake to her. She will be very pleased.

We've stayed in contact. We're still friends outside of work actually. Which makes this more silly.

OP posts:

morningtoncrescent62 · 15/06/2017 11:07

She's a lovely person. She won't try and get extra money as 45k is the maximum you could expect for that position. She will know that. We wouldn't pay more anyway.

In that case you've got nothing to lose by being open and honest, but everything to gain. Don't think of it in terms of swallowing your pride, think of it as being adult and authentic. If she's a lovely person (and I was alreay thinking she sounded as though she was from your OP) then she'll appreciate being treated like the intelligent human being she quite obviously is, and it'll only be to the benefit of your business.

IhadsexwithanelfinIceland · 15/06/2017 11:09

You did value her as your PA, as the decision to let her go wasn't taken lightly. The fact is that you wouldn't have gotten rid of her in the first place if money wasn't an issue. Now that issue is resolved, you are delighted to be able to offer her a more wide ranging role with a better salary as you have realised what a really great job she had been doing for you. Win win.

HumpHumpWhale · 15/06/2017 11:17

YABU. And ridiculous. I'd tell her that had you realised how much she'd been doing beyond her remit you'd have tried harder to find a way to keep the position. However you've now come into more money and can offer her the postion and salary she really deserves. And hope she takes it. For that money, I'm sure you could find someone else great but it'll be a lot easier if it's someone you don't have to train etc.

WhooooAmI24601 · 15/06/2017 11:19

There's nothing worse than someone who makes a poor choice, realises but then refuses to acknowledge their poor choice. A decent business leader would swallow the pill and crack on with the job.

Bewty's wording is fabulous; a position is available; we loved having you with us before and would just like to sound you out. That way nobody loses face.

shinyredbus · 15/06/2017 11:21

Everyone: YABU

OP: Yes, however......

Just swallow your pride for gods sake woman! And you say your friends outside of work too?! Jesus Christ. What's the harm in letting her feel good about herself - that she's valued, that she's needed and it all went to shit when she left?

Whatthefoxgoingon · 15/06/2017 11:22

If I got rid of my PA (never would, id be lost without her) then called her back, she would 100% realise I'd made a massive mistake (as she is not stupid) and expect both an apology and a raise. And she would get both!

BangkokBlues · 15/06/2017 11:25

Oh just swallow your pride. She is good. She is good for the business. You can phrase it like "we have realized the role you were doing actually extended into office manager territory and that is what we need, so we are creating an actual office manager position with additional responsibility and pay. We think you woudl be perfect"

Tazerface · 15/06/2017 11:27

If I was sent an email that basically said 'you can apply but there's no reason to think we'll pick you over someone else' then I wouldn't apply. As an individual, who had already been made redundant from your company, I wouldn't want the possible embarrassment of being passed over. Especially because in the back of my mind would be the thought you would say no but....here's a shitty admin position instead.

Sorry I agree with most others - you need to be able to say to her that you want her back, and as you value her commitment to the role you want to offer her the Assistant Manager position at £45k.

It sounds horrible to basically say you want her back but also to keep her in her place, which you are doing by essentially saying the only incentive is the money.

londonfeather · 15/06/2017 11:27

You're going back to her with a better position offering more money - she'll know.. even if you don't spell it out. You know her personality - most people are motivated by praise.

PinkPeppers · 15/06/2017 11:28

Lol at no way we will pay her more than that and she knows that this is the max you could expect for that position.

Now how much money have you lost when the job wasn't done properly? How many customers form bad reviews?

You seem to still see her as 'just a PA' whose worth cannot be more than xxx.
What about loooking at the difference she makes in the company, the fact you company, atm, will NOT carry on wo her (both because your systems aren't good enough and because yu haven't found anyone to replace her)?
What about looking at how much money sh is bringing to the company?

You are still resisting admitting that she is bloody good and worth ever penny. And that you didn't appreciate what she did, nor do you see to do so now.
All you seem to see is the fact you want her back to things can go smoothly again.

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