Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Whatsapp.. relationship in jeopardy

72 replies

jeep36 · 15/06/2017 00:17

Hi there
Needing some quick advice before I destroy my relationship.

On whatsapp, the newish feature allows you to upload status's with photos. It also allows you to control who sees them in the privacy section.

My question is, if I excluded my bf from seeing my photo status updates, is he still able to view mine?

I cannot find anything on the internet to say so, but it seems it is the case. As it's a new feature there's little info regarding that.

Thank you Smile

OP posts:
FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 15/06/2017 00:57

Didn't you test it with your friend/can't you test it with a friend?

Original poster
jeep36 · 15/06/2017 00:59

I need someone else to confirm it in case it's my whatsapp playing up.

I really don't want confrontation with my bf unless I'm sure I'm right.

OP posts:
IamHereButAreYouThere · 15/06/2017 01:02

I can't test it now as dp is asleep. I have never done a photo status but I have set my WhatsApp before so it does not show read receipts so people can't tell when I've read their messages. Perhaps he has done this?

IamHereButAreYouThere · 15/06/2017 01:02

Best thing to do is talk to him.

Fauchelevent · 15/06/2017 01:04

Hey alright I'll help because I'm 23 and i've been there with my friends and my friends have been there with me Blush

On instagram I have a whole host of people blocked from my story but i can regularly still see theirs. Whatsapp plays a little bit differently in that they usually do that "if you stop people from seeing x, you can't see their y" (i turn off read receipts, last seen etc quite regularly) but i never use the story function

The thing is would your bf be silly enough to post a risky whatsapp story to ALL and sundry rather than just the ex? It seems more likely he just hasnt bothered to open it, but i think you already have the answer to the question you are hoping to solve

Original poster
jeep36 · 15/06/2017 01:14

Thank you so much!

In answer to that.. no, nothing risky. But perhaps a good photo of himself. If his ex was to contact him, she'd see. Totally fine with what pics he posts of course, but why stop me seeing it. All our statuses have been with each other (neither of us have ever insisted by the way!!)

But we are all different. And when someone changes habits after recent history- it makes me suspicious

OP posts:
Foniks · 15/06/2017 01:23

On WhatsApp, whatever you block somebody from they can't see on yours either. Its the same as the blue ticks, if he turns his off he won't see yours either.
He might have just not bothered to open the status this time though. Change yours and see if he looks at the new one.

twattymctwatterson · 15/06/2017 01:33

This is nuts. I think you need to deal with the issue regarding the ex as it's making you very paranoid and you obviously don't trust him

notangelinajolie · 15/06/2017 01:34

Are your 15?

BeachyKeen · 15/06/2017 01:55

Let's see if I get this straight...
You noticed he hasn't read your updates, so you think that means he changed his status pic to a hot one of him, on his own. You are worried that because you had an argument about his ex, that he is doing it to peak her interest? And because you can not see this picture, you think it means he has blocked you?Confused

Fauchelevent · 15/06/2017 02:11

beachy i think OP probably has a lot of background suspicions she's not going into, and with a lot of functions on whatsapp if you hide something from a person you also can't see their (equivalent).

Whatsapp has ambient stories like facebook instagram and pretty much everything else so you post a picture that stays there for say 24hrs then vanishes. It's possible that if you hide your story from say, your mum, you can't see what your mum posts much like how the rest of whatsapp works

OP fears her DP has hidden his photo story/status thing from her because he hasn't viewed hers. Presumably there is a lot of backstory and he would be hiding it for a reason.

However the trust is gone OP, whether or not he is hiding something.

Original poster
jeep36 · 15/06/2017 02:37

Thank you Fauch. It is exactly that.

Some comments were helpful and some were patronising. What some people need to remember, is that everyone's relationships look different. So while this may seem ridiculously to many please bare in mind that everyone has different quirks and ways in their relationships.

I stated earlier on that I did not want or need relationship advice. I needed a factual answer on a technical issue, that I could not find out online.

There is so much back story as to why this is a big deal. But as I don't wish to share that, I'd appreciate less speculation on my age or my mental ability.

Thank you

OP posts:
Justdontgetitatall · 15/06/2017 03:28

No your theory is correct. If you have excluded someone then you cannot see their statuses

CaoNiMartacus · 15/06/2017 06:16

Perhaps you should have left "relationship in jeopardy" out of your title, then!

LedaP · 15/06/2017 06:23

Or maybe he just hasn't opened yours?

CeeceeBloomingdale · 15/06/2017 06:34

Posted in AIBU, title relationship in jeopardy but only interest in technical support for the whatsapp group? You need an IT forum

millsbynight · 15/06/2017 06:48

Are you 16? Pick up the phone and talk to him Confused

Why do both of you feel the need to constantly photo update your statuses? What is the point of this?

Why are you playing stupid games with each other? Doesn't sound like you've been together for very long.

I really don't get why people turn off their read receipts, time, etc., I really couldn't give a shit if someone can see when I was last on or read their message.

Believeitornot · 15/06/2017 06:51

The problem is, this is the way of relationships in this day and age when there is so much technology about.

You can drive yourself mad asking the technical questions - to avoid asking the more pertinent question of your partner.

It isn't healthy.

Original poster
jeep36 · 15/06/2017 07:09

No I'm not 16 😴😴😴

Relationship in jeopardy title was a means of saying I needed to know answer before I ruin my relationship.

Some people constantly update statuses and some don't. We do, however that was not the question!

If you read my posts- I tried IT support!

Why are some people so spiteful. Was looking for constructive advice.

OP posts:
StephanieAteMyLunch · 15/06/2017 07:15

Jeep you posted in AIBU which is known for people addressing issues head on, it is really a yes or no board.

You should have posted this in either the tech section or relationship section. The relationship section is more kind, and addresses all sorts of issues in relationships. You may wish to get your post moved there, although I think you have now had your suspicions confirmed.

I do understand why you would want the answer to your question sorted before you confront your boyfriend.

FlyingElbows · 15/06/2017 07:16

Pmsl, this absolutely NOT "the way" of grown up relationships "in this day and age". Those of us in proper grown up relationships actually talk to each other, like actual grown ups! God help those of you who live your lives in complete screen based paranoia. Try having an actual conversation with the real living breathing human person, it's great. Fucking Nora.

Jellycatspyjamas · 15/06/2017 07:20

I don't see people being spiteful - at some point you'll need to talk to him about your fears about his ex. Trying to mind read, second guess or figure out technology will only take you so far.

What if he has blocked you, that could mean anything from him being pissed off with you, playing games with you or playing games with someone else. Presumably if he wanted to he could just send a hot picture of himself to his ex directly and you'd have no way of knowing he'd done that, so why would he dick about with WhatsApp status etc.

It sounds like you're building a case against him, which is your choice but in my experience when someone is st that stage, the relationship is already over.

ptumbi · 15/06/2017 07:22

OP - are you the poster who had 2 threads on here asking if your 'd'P should leave you because he saw your FB history (looking up old exs)??

Because this sounds like more of the same drama.

The advice then was 'he's abusive and controlling and you should get out/ look for red flags before marriage/kids/house'

Same advice.

Grilledaubergines · 15/06/2017 07:22

WhatsApp is not your problem here.

You sound ridiculously insecure. It may be with foundation, or it may not. But the end result is the same. A relationship which leaves you in this state is not one you should be in.

pigeondujour · 15/06/2017 07:25

Don't worry about people slagging you OP I get that this is the shit you end up worrying about these days. I can't see why he'd use a whatsapp status to communicate with OW though? Like, it seems obscure anyway and very discoverable...why wouldn't he just whatsapp her directly? Also, it's possible he's just not updated his status, but if that is the case and you're here thinking he might have blocked you that sounds like trouble anyway...

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.