My husband coughed phlegm into my face and mouth last night and it stank.

[TippyTinkleTrousers]

We are going through a difficult patch at the moment but things are getting better. He kept sleeping on the sofa for a while which was making things worse but we agreed that he would stop doing it.

He smokes and several times a day he will get this sudden splutter cough and you can hear the phlegm in the back of this throat.

At 1am last night this happened. All over my fucking face, it went into my mouth. I could smell it for fuck sake.

I screeched in disgust and horror, he rolled over. I told him to sleep on the sofa. I wiped my face in the bathroom but my stomach was turning. It doesn't help that im in the first trimester and my stomach was turning before id even got to sleep let alone waking up to that.

I know im BU because he was a sleep and had no control over it, and this will be his argument but I don't care if he was in a coma, that was fucking foul.

I would tell him to stop smoking but that will cause a row that we cant afford to have at the moment.

My skin is still crawling.

think he sounds self absorbed and inconsiderate but he's not my husband and if you're ok with it then what else can be done?

Yes, quite.

Fair enough stating you feel sleeping separately is detrimental to your own relationship.

But seriously ....

And I don't like the message it sends to our children either

That statement is total bollocks. What message?

If you're pregnant he should be stopping smoking anyway. Poor child having to breathe that shit in.

Going op has already stated that they have children and he doesn't smoke near anyone or let the children see him smoke.

*And I don't like the message it sends to our children either

That statement is total bollocks. What message?*

Isn't it unhealthy for children to see their dad on the sofa every morning? Won't it make them think that this is what normal couples do?
That's what worries me.

How normal is it for a husbands bed to be the sofa? I didn't think that was normal....?

I'm a normal couple. Dh and I have slept separately since before they were born. The fact they exist probably indicates we are a normal couple

My kids are fine.

Going op has already stated that they have children and he doesn't smoke near anyone or let the children see him smoke.

It'll still be all over his clothes and hands, and his breath will stink of smoke regardless of whether he smokes alone or around his kids, though

Separate rooms? Or on the sofa?

I don't want my boys to grow up thinking the man gets the sofa. Shouldn't they see couples as an equal?

My dad used to go in the spare room sometimes because he snored. But he never, ever slept on the sofa.

It's perfectly normal for couples to have separate bedrooms.

Is there not a spare bedroom he can use?

For what its worth, I LOVE the idea of separate rooms. It would solve a lot of issues.

Is there not a spare bedroom he can use

Yes we have a whole wing for the taking, the east wing. But we like to live like paupers so he gets the sofa.

caffeine

Not everyone has a spare bedroom you know

I used to share with dd until we were able to move house.

My neighbour's have the double room but separate beds.

Dh grew up with his mum sleeping in a chair. He never saw as unequal as his mum is a chronic insomniac. It was simply what happened in their house.

She still prefers to sleep in a chair now.

The fact that you are pregnant means you're more knackered than you normally would be. Don't fret about the kids you both need to do whatever it takes to have to functional adults about the place.

I think Caffiene was asking there btw, not assuming. Not everyone on mnet is a privliged arsehole and questions are allowed

I hear what you're saying HoneyDragon.

It also bothers me when he sleeps on the sofa, I feel like its a rejection. There are obviously issues here aside from the coughing in my face which I suppose makes this more complex.

I am also baffled as to what the OP wants us to say.

My other half has a few not so great habits, but so do I. He does the occasional yuk thing but so do I.

If I was majorly grossed out by him, I wouldn't be with him. The stuff anti Grinch went on about, I could not tolerate. It's all too foul me that lot!

OP, you don't sound like you are attracted to your man at all. And you are having a BABY with him? Now that I find very weird.

Yes, thank you for backing me up there @HoneyDragon

You are correct, I find it unattractive being phlegmed in the face.

Thankfully though, he doesn't do this 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Genuine question, what have I possibly said that would make anyone think that I have no attraction to my husband?
Or is it that my attraction should be so strong for him that im fine with being coughed in the face?
I genuinely don't understand the reason for such a far fetched comment.

To be fair caffiene it was a pretty stupid question....

How was it a stupid question?

I was asking if you had a spare room - not whether you already had a spare bed or anything. All I was going to suggest was that if there was room in a study/box room somewhere, you could get a sofa bed/futon put in there for him to use, or for guests in the future.

There was no need to get rude.

I think you need to have the stopping smoking conversation.

Your marriage may not survive it; you're right, if he values smoking above you all - but your marriage doesn't sound like it'll survive the consequences of his smoking either, so you're going to lose either way. You may as well lose knowing you gave it your best shot.

I would've asked too after you said you felt it was a solution. Or the possibility of the kids swearing.

What do you want right now? To wind yourself up more or to calm down?

You know you're going to have to address this again later. You obviously care for your dh.

If you don't know what you want people will help you think it through BUT if the way you're addressing your dh is the way you're addressing some of the people on this thread than literally nothing will be resolved.

*kids sharing

Equally though if the op wants her dh to stop smoking she has to be in a osition to support herself him through it if it's going to succeed.

My parents slept in separate beds throughout my entire childhood. My Dad snores and my Mum was a light sleeper. I never gave it a second thought and certainly don't feel it sent any kind of 'message'. I'm perfectly happy sharing a bed with my DH but on the odd occasion one of us may sleep in the spare room, if one of us has to be up at the crack of dawn for work for example or if DH goes out with his mates for a drink I often tell him to sleep there as he snores when he's had a drink and talks in his sleep. I would never have considered for a second what kind of message it was sending the children - maybe just that sometimes people like their own space to sleep?