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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can I gift a kitten

47 replies

lostyourmittens · 13/06/2017 22:01

OK So probably IABU.

However, a friend of mine has recently lost their dcat. Dcat was very elderly and friend strongly attached to it. The dcat had a sibling who also lived with my friend until it died a year ago.

My friend is going through some emotional times. I don't want to say much more but practically df is able and in a position to care for a pet cat. My friend is one of the very nicest people I have ever met and truly and genuinely a decent lovely person.

Life is unfair and df down in the dumps. in would like to do something.

In a situation like this would it be unreasonable to ask around and if anyone has kittens to give away to a good home, get one for df?

Please don't flame, I care for my df an feel df needs a bit of happiness.

OP posts:
EarlessToothlessVagabond · 13/06/2017 22:02

I think You should check with the friend first. She might not be ready for another cat.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 13/06/2017 22:04

You don't ever buy pets for other people. It wont be you making the commitment to feed it, house it, and pay the vets fees.

Nice thought, but totally impractical.

Asmoto · 13/06/2017 22:05

I really don't think you should without asking. It can take time to grieve for a lost cat - to some people, getting another cat can feel at first like a betrayal. You sound like a very caring friend - if she mentions that she'd like another cat, that's the point to step in and help her find one Smile.

DanceTheBlues · 13/06/2017 22:05

I really, really wouldn't. Kittens have a totally different set of needs to an elderly cat and shouldn't be left alone for more than a few hours at a time. Your friend should be the one to decide when she's ready for a new pet.

winobaglady · 13/06/2017 22:07

I'd say YABU to get a kitten for your friend. She alone will know when she's ready for new paws. Also, she might not want a kitten, but a slightly older cat?

If you want to support her, why not suggest you and she take previous cat's food to a local cat rescue and maybe help out there for a day?

Or perhaps the two of you could sell some stuff at a car boot together and raise funds for a local cat rescue?

How kind of you to support your friend Flowers

RortyCrankle · 13/06/2017 22:07

When I lost my cat I considered him irreplaceable and would not have wanted to be given a kitten so soon after.

That's just me, your friend may feel entirely differently but I think you should definitely check with her first.

RitaMills · 13/06/2017 22:07

No, please don't do this. Suggest it to your friend and help her find one if she wants but don't give her one as a gift.

BrouetteChouette · 13/06/2017 22:08

It's a really nice thought OP :)

I feel, like some of the other posters, that perhaps it might be a bit impractical at this stage though (this is meant in the nicest way possible :) ).

How about suggesting to your friend that you both go along to a local animal shelter (or something similar) and volunteer there for a few hours a week (if you're also an animal lover, of course!) Do you think that might be an option?

Birdsgottaf1y · 13/06/2017 22:08

My cat hasn't come home and I doubt she will. It's been two months.

I couldn't replace her, or think about another cat, yet.

It wouldn't stop me missing my cat and the cuddles/sleeping with me.

Your friend is grieving, just be around for her and ask if she wants to do anything to make her feel better.

VeryButchyRestingFace · 13/06/2017 22:09

Grieved as she is, she might not want another pet. And even if she does, she might want to wait a decent interval and/or choose it herself.

You sound like a nice, caring friend though. Just being there for her at the moment will doubtless be appreciated. Smile

9GreenBottles · 13/06/2017 22:13

When my 19 year old cat died, it took me about a year to think I wanted to bring another pet into my life. One of my friends started looking after a month, others have said they will never have another pet. Everyone's different. I'd recommend not doing anything without your friend being fully on board first.

Calyrical · 13/06/2017 22:15

I always replace pets immediately but as lovely as kittens are I would never have one. Only old guys and gals come here.

beebee7 · 13/06/2017 22:15

Nice thought OP but no.

Don't do it.

Instasista · 13/06/2017 22:16

She'd just get one herself if she wanted one

FairviewRosie · 13/06/2017 22:17

Please don't. Several years ago my cat had to be pts while we were in the US on holiday. My cattery lady (who was also a friend) dealt with it all and kept me in touch with what was happening. When we got back I went to pick up the cat basket and it had an orphaned kitten in it. I brought him home, but couldn't bond with him for months. Love him to bits now (he's just turned 13) but it took a long time to get over the previous one

AllThingsPurple · 13/06/2017 22:18

I would suggest saying to her that you want to get her a gift and thought of a kitten or cat and wondered if she felt ready or wanted one. If she says yes, then say she needs to choose it and you will pay for it for her. I would be really touched if someone suggested it even if I felt a way off being able to have another pet.

ImperialBlether · 13/06/2017 22:19

YABVU to say Dcat instead of just cat! YAABVU to say "to gift"!

ElleMcElle · 13/06/2017 22:22

Have to agree with those saying don't do it - it's for her to decide when she's ready. You sound like an awesome mate, though, OP. She's lucky to have you and I'm sure you'll come up with another way to give her a boost.

The animal sanctuary idea sounds good - then if she starts saying things along the lines of "Ooh - I want to take one home" you could strongly encourage her to do it?

Or if you're in / near London, there's a cat cafe, where you could take her for afternoon tea:

ladydinahs.com

Mrsmadevans · 13/06/2017 22:22

OMG nooo she may not be ready OP please don't do anything about it. Offer to go and look for a kitten /rescue cat by all means but don't get her one without consulting her please.

VeryButchyRestingFace · 13/06/2017 22:26

YABVU to say Dcat instead of just cat! YAABVU to say "to gift"!

There's always one... Hmm

Dandandandandandandan · 13/06/2017 22:26

Lovely idea but agree with the above. Could you do something else supportive - e.g. donate to a local cat charity and tell her why?

StarryCorpulentCunt · 13/06/2017 22:28

No OP, you never ever gift animals. She may not be ready for another cat, feel like she is replacing it or struggle to bond with one that she hasn't chosen herself. Ask her by all means if you know someone with cats whether she wants one but please don't get her one without consulting her.

Original poster
lostyourmittens · 13/06/2017 22:29

Ok i thought so and realise it's completely unreasonable of all the reasons stated above. Thanks

Just wish I could do something for my friend. We are not super close but have known each other for 20 odd year sand I just happen to know that my df is one of the most decent people out there who deserves a bit of a break. but I won't pursue the kitten idea, of course not.

OP posts:
Original poster
lostyourmittens · 13/06/2017 22:30

"donate to a local cat charity and tell her why?"

that's a brilliant idea x

OP posts:
Hmmalittlefishy · 13/06/2017 22:30

You sound such a caring friend. I'm sure you will think of something nice to do for her but I agree with above that another cat may not be the right way to go.
My cat died 5 years ago and I still couldn't get another one now I miss her and I'm scared to loose another one