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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can I gift a kitten

47 replies

lostyourmittens · 13/06/2017 22:01

OK So probably IABU.

However, a friend of mine has recently lost their dcat. Dcat was very elderly and friend strongly attached to it. The dcat had a sibling who also lived with my friend until it died a year ago.

My friend is going through some emotional times. I don't want to say much more but practically df is able and in a position to care for a pet cat. My friend is one of the very nicest people I have ever met and truly and genuinely a decent lovely person.

Life is unfair and df down in the dumps. in would like to do something.

In a situation like this would it be unreasonable to ask around and if anyone has kittens to give away to a good home, get one for df?

Please don't flame, I care for my df an feel df needs a bit of happiness.

OP posts:
Original poster
lostyourmittens · 13/06/2017 22:31

"YABVU to say Dcat instead of just cat! YAABVU to say "to gift"!

the cat was family to my friend so very much dcat in my eyes.

OP posts:
BestZebbie · 13/06/2017 22:32

Get a photo of her old cat printed onto a mug and send it to her - much less commitment than a kitten!

Evilstepmum01 · 13/06/2017 22:32

Instead of buying her a kitten, why dont you sponsor her a kennel/cat house at your local animal rehoming centre? Do it in memory of her Dcat.

That way, she can remember him and help other less fortunate cats.

honeyroar · 13/06/2017 22:33

She will want to choose the time she gets her next cat and choose the cat. Plus kittens aren't something you'd gift. I'd be horrified if a friend did that! Just be there for her, time will soften the sadness.

M0stlyBowlingHedgehog · 13/06/2017 22:35

No. Lovely thought, but no.

What you could do is quietly and gently broach the subject of whether she thinks she'd get another cat at some point, then if she feels she's ready, offer to go with her to the Blue Cross or similar to get a rescue cat. (Big fan of rescue cats - you're not adding to the problem of kittens being bred for sale, you're taking a cat that needs a home, they're adult cats so you get a much better feel for their personality and whether you and they would get on with each other).

Original poster
lostyourmittens · 13/06/2017 22:36

"Instead of buying her a kitten, why dont you sponsor her a kennel/cat house at your local animal rehoming centre? Do it in memory of her Dcat."

wonderful idea i ll look into this.

thanks you all again and for not flaming even though the idea was very u

OP posts:
Original poster
lostyourmittens · 13/06/2017 22:37

and yy to talking to friend about how she feels in general and wrt another pet cat.

OP posts:
GerundTheBehemoth · 13/06/2017 22:38

I know someone who did this. She ended up keeping the kitten herself because the friend didn't want him. The charity donation idea is great :)

TofuCat · 13/06/2017 22:38

Cats protection have a memory wall here perhaps with a donation in honor of your friends cats?

RedMetamorphosis · 13/06/2017 22:41

I anonymously send a cat rescue charity regular donations of cat food and litter etc in my cats' names. It is always gratefully received (although my cats have such unusual names that it is probably not anonymous).

I agree with a PP that doing something like that in her cat's name/memory is a really nice thing to do.

Firstimefreaked · 13/06/2017 22:44

I've had two cats pass away within two years, I did get a kitten after 6 months but that was partly because she was born at 6 months and after 3 months of photographs and videos I felt like I had bonded with her....I was still in bits when my second cat passed away a month ago and I don't think I could face another cat or kitten you feel like you have lost a child when you have them for so long and see them everyday. Defiantly donate to a charity in the cats name or if she has ashes maybe ask her if she would like some jewlary made? If anything she will appreciate that someone understands and doesn't see her missing her beloved pet as merely an animal and she has to get over it...we had a sort of wake memorial for ours X X x

IrritatedUser1960 · 13/06/2017 22:48

Not reasonable, she must choose her next cat herself, its a very personal thing and a new cat can't replace the old one. She needs time to grieve.

Italiangreyhound · 13/06/2017 22:49

Nice thought but No, No, No,; you cannot buy a pet on another person's behalf.

You could offer to go with your friend to a cat rescue centre or whatever, when/if she wishes to get a new pet.

You could donate to a cat friendly charity.

You could even share heart warming stories like this one...

www.indiatimes.com/culture/who-we-are/naoto-matsumara-the-radioactive-man-who-returned-to-fukushima-to-save-the-animals-left-behind-252834.html

You could help them to create a pet memory on line, there will be loads of options, this is one... www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-memorials

I know people who have had cats for decades (same cat) so they may just not be ready to move on yet but even if they are, it's their choice.

MsMims · 13/06/2017 22:56

OP you're a lovely friend Flowers

Second PPs that a new kitten wouldn't be a good idea, but the memorial or 'adopting' an animal that cannot be rehomed is a lovely and kind tribute.

M0stlyBowlingHedgehog · 13/06/2017 22:57

Aw, OP, you're a lovely friend - and very gracious in admitting you were BU. Flowers (MNHQ we need a cat emoticon).

harderandharder2breathe · 13/06/2017 23:29

One year for my friends birthday I sponsored a rescue dog the same breed as she'd had for years, and I got to choose the dogs name so I named it after my friends deceased dog. I'm sure there are plenty of cat charities who would do similar, stray cats need naming after all!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 13/06/2017 23:54

Its a beautiful and kind thought, but. I wouldn't just yet, and I highly emphasize "just yet". As she needs time to grieve for cat she's lost. As gorgeous as baby kittens are. She won't want another cat. She wants the one she had back.
However in time. She may be ready for a new feline friend, and. Im sure itll bring her lots of joy and fill a huge hole in her heart, but. At the monent. Its too soon.

SheSaidHeSaid · 14/06/2017 00:06

As others have said, nice thought but no.

Animals are not objects, they're not surprised gifts.

Whilst it might be ok for some, it'd feel like a replacement for my previous pet who,, especially when grieving, I wouldn't want to be or feel replaced.

WellThatSucks · 14/06/2017 00:17

You sound like a lovely considerate friend, I agree with pps that a kitten is probably not a good idea but that shouldn't stop you doing something nice for her. I don't know if your friend has a garden but if she has you could buy her a rose bush or other shrub for her to plant in memory of her cat. I got one friend who lost a beloved kitty some daffodil bulbs that had the same name at her cat and she tells me how much they warm her heart when they come up every spring.

Icequeen01 · 14/06/2017 07:40

My cat was run over and I was devastated. A well meaning friend got me a kitten which had been advertised in a local supermarket 😡😡 and she delivered the kitten in a box to me whilst I was at work! I can remember being called downstairs by another member of staff and handed this moving box and suddenly a little black kitten burst out! I was mortified. Luckily I only lived a few minutes away by car and my boss let me take it home but I had another cat at home and no litter tray etc. It was a nightmare. We were also going on holiday a week later and was unable to book it into a cattery as it was unneutured and unvaccinated so they quite rightly couldn't take him.

There was a happy ending as my sister in law offered to look after him for the 2 weeks we were away and when I came back from my holiday she and her family had bonded with the kitten and asked if they could keep him. I agreed as it was just too early for me to have another kitten and I couldn't bond with it. Gizmo went on to have a lovely life with them for 15 years.

I can tell you are a lovely, well meaning friend but would definitely go along with other posters who have said not to do it. The suggestion of donating to a cat charity is perfect - I would have been so much happier had my friend done that for me instead!

TikkatoRide · 14/06/2017 07:49

I am of the opinion that an animal should never be a gift. It's a commitment, responsibility and life you are bringing into your family. The person or family welcoming it should always choose and buy/adopt together imo.

The cattery donation is the way to go.

Original poster
lostyourmittens · 14/06/2017 07:51

"The suggestion of donating to a cat charity is perfect - I would have been so much happier had my friend done that for me instead!"

It is a lovely suggestion thanks again to all who suggested kinder and more appropriate gestures. Brew

OP posts:
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