not to let my 6.5 year old go on a school trip which involves an overnight stay?

[laughingduck]

Title says it all really. dh and I don't want him to go on the trip as he has never stayed away from home without one of us before. He is in a mixed YR1/YR2 class and the trip is a last minute cancellation that the school have got and so details have yet to be finalised. Are we just totally out of touch - is it the norm for infant school aged children to go on this kind of trip? Most people we have asked so far have said they wouldn't either but I thought I'd get the opinion of MN too (plus can't resist starting a thread in this topic ).

I would have let mine go. They love that kind of thing. Plus, a night away from the children makes me realise I love them after all!

Children will become independent in their own time whether they stay out overnight at a young age or not. So I would say that staying away from home at 6 doesn't encourage independence either and in some cases may harm a child's confidence. I just don't understand the rush to seperate children from their parents.

"its some parents who cant cope with their children being away.........."
Do you really believe that?

Yes juuule

"its some parents who cant cope with their children being away.........."

I DO honestly believe that.
And reading a couple of the comments on here, I think there are some parents who are AFRAID of their children developing independence, afraid of seeing that their children can be seperated from them for more than 12 hours without falling to pieces.

My son is 7. He needs me and his father, he needs to know he is loved, he needs to be cared for. But he also needs to discover life and the world for himself, in a safe way. This will help him to be a confident, happy, rounded individual. I believe it will help him to develop self-reliance, which I think is a VERY important thing. I think it will also help him to relate with his peers and other adults better, when we are not always there to do it for him.
When the idea of the Beavers sleep-over first came up, he was a little unsure. I gave him the choice, but encouraged him to go. He LOVED it, and feels so proud of himself. He would have been quite upset I think if he had decided not to go, then everyone else went and he missed it.

Yes they do have "the rest of their lives to go on sleep-overs", but you have to let them start sometime. How old is old enough? What happens if you say "no you won't like being away from us" one time too many, so by the time you are ready for them to go, they are too scared to try it?

I really do worry about todays children being over-protected. Losing that sense of adventure, the joy you feel when you were a bit scared, but did something anyway and it turned out well.

Remember the phrase "if you love them set them free"? well that can apply, even at 6 years old, if you let them go on a one night, safe supervised sleep-over.

"My son is 7. He needs me and his father, he needs to know he is loved, he needs to be cared for. But he also needs to discover life and the world for himself, in a safe way. This will help him to be a confident, happy, rounded individual."

I absolutely agree with that. But I don't see the necessity for staying away from home overnight.

"How old is old enough? What happens if you say "no you won't like being away from us" one time too many, so by the time you are ready for them to go, they are too scared to try it?"

Oh, believe me when they are ready for it they let you know. However, there are some who are just home-birds most of the time.

As I said before, not sleeping out at night before secondary school age does not appear to have affected my older children (19,17,15,14) in any adverse way. I don't think it would have had any benefits for them to do so. I think it's totally unnecessary. However if it's what you and other parents believe is right for your children then fine. I just can't see the point and for me primary school age is too young.

I think if your ds wants to go I would say let him. My dd is expected to go on a 5 day trip with school aged 7 but she doesn't want to so I'm not pushing her. If the school would offer a one night trip I would try to convince her to go and enjoy it.

If your ds has never slept away from home before, this could be great fun for him to be away for the first time with all his pals. If he doesn't go on this trip, maybe the next trip will be for 3 or 4 nights then it will be even harder for him if he's never done it before. That has been my worry with dd, she isn't going on this trip for 5 nights but if the teacher offers a shorter one I hope she will go. The good thing is you can be sure there will be enough staff going along to ensure their safety - I'd have to send my dd with 2 adults and 25 children (Germany)

So all you people who say 'No' to trips and sleepovers, how would you react if your 7yo says, "X has invited me to stay the night on Saturday, please can I go?"

"I think it's totally unnecessary."

But what HARM will it do?

Blimey, eating an ice cream is "totally unnecessary", but it's fun, it's a change, it's an experience you don't have every day.

If a 6 year old comes home from school and says "there's a sleep-over, can I go" and you give an outright NO (despite the fact that it's an organised, risk-assessed, safe activity) then how are you making the child feel? How do you look in their eyes?

I think just saying NO on the basis of a particular age is also "totally unnecessary".

I can also see that it may be right for one child of 6, and maybe not for another (even siblings in the same family. I was much more adventurous at 6 than my sister had been).

But an outright "NO WAY" just seems small minded and over-protective to me.

I went on a school trip for a week when I was 7 or 8, and I had a lovely time...however I just don't know how i'd feel about ds going at 7!! He's five this year, and I can't imagine at the moment that I would be happy for him to go away for a week at 7 years old.....but as I say I had a fantastic time myself so I don't know what I'm basing this on! Bizarre.

I remember it being a really special time where I got to know my friends and teachers in a more profound way, we felt we were looking after eachother (us kids) and we saw the nurturing, family side of the teachers which was lovely. So I have to say that if ds was offered a trip away at primary school age, I would have to consider it, I couldn't say no straight off.

Also agree, if the child wants to go and it is going to be safe then it is better to let them go. I just heard from a friend who's dd won't go on sleep overs and she's nearly 9 years old and my niece has quite happily been going on sleep overs since she was 5, so it does depend on the child.

My gut instinct would be no but if my dd really wanted to go and all her friends were then I would let her, although I would hate every minute of it.

Frogs, because I know the parents who'd be in charge of the sleepover, I'd ring them and discuss it, not least to check they were aware of the invitation being issued...
It's a different issue to a school trip to a non family-setting venue overnight though, at aged six. I feel ds has matured hugely from how he was in Yr 2. I would not have let him sleep out anywhere at that age - but it's a hypothetical question for our family as he never asked. He is asking now and I see that as a sign he is ready.

frogs I would say...

...
...

NO

and it is no because he would not enjoy it but is up to me isn't it, my son would need dry nights and is a bit deaf at the moment so these are the main reasons, and other peoples different/careless way of looking after children which sometimes i see in my son's peer group. won't be changing my mind untill he is older

Um Batters.

We were asked our opinion. We are all venting our opinions.

Thats why there is a healthy debate going on here.

Marina yes, obviously I would phone/talk to the parents to check that it was a real invitation and not the product of 7yo wishful thinking!

I just really don't get that people would say no if (a) the child really wanted to go and (b) you had enough confidence in the family to feel your child would be safe.

I had mad fun staying the night at friends houses from the age of about 5 upwards -- we lived deep in the country so friends were spread over a huge area, and the only way you got any kind of an out-of-school social life was staying the night.

And my dc seem to feel the same way ds has been invited several times since the age of about 6 to go along with various friends who were going to stay in the country for the weekend, and had fantastic fun crabbing, trampolining, going to the East of England Show, camping out on the beach, blahdiblah. Conversely we've taken dd1's friend to Devon with us several times starting from when they were in Y2 they went riding, swam in the sea, built dams, climbed trees etc. This particular friend rarely had the chance to get out of London otherwise, cos her parents were on low incomes. They had a blast yes, she missed her mum a bit of an evening, but we got over it by telling her that if she still wanted to go home in the morning, I'd call her family and organise for her to be picked up. Oddly enough, by morning she'd have better things to do.

I genuinely cannot see why you would want to deny a child the chance to have a fun time just because you can't be there to accompany them. Sure, some parents may not run their household in exactly the same way you would, but assuming they're not letting the kids watch 18-rated movies or drink alcopops, I really can't see the harm. On the contrary, I think it's quite healthy for the child to realise that there are other ways of doing things than they're used to in their own family. Nor can I imagine waking up in the middle of the night and missing them.

Clearly it's off to bad mother bootcamp for me, too.

you and me too frogs

This is quite timely as I've just been having a conversation with a colleague who has 3 children and her eldest is being allowed on an overnight school trip for the first time at 15 .

I tried to disguise my shock and asked her why he hadn't been away before, perhaps lack of opportunity. And she replied that she didn't trust the teachers, or schools and was convinced something would happen to him. "They'd be sitting there in the evening drinking their wine whilst the kids ran wild".

Astounding. My DDs are just 6 (year 1) and I wouldn't hesitate to let them go off for one night if they fancied it, wouldn't pressure them, but wouldn't clip their wings if they were keen.

"They'd be sitting there in the evening drinking their wine whilst the kids ran wild".

Oh dear . Why would she think that?

But you are criticising me (not that I mindf, it's a free country.

And it isn't slinging insults, it is my honest-to-goodness opinion.
I think it is small-minded to believe your child can't breath without you being present.

Hard hat on, ready for the responses.

OrmIrian, that is actually quite an accurate description of the teachers' behaviour during my dd1 Y6 school trip. Luckily the kids were a sensible bunch, and I trusted dd1 not to do anything daft.

I don't think it's small minded to be sensitive to the needs of your own child, and to take account of the norm in education, which seems to be no sleep-over trips from school until aged seven plus.
I am sure that custom is there not just to please parents but to acknowledge that for a lot of children, sleeping away from familiar surroundings is unlikely to be a success before that age.
I trust my dcs' teachers, local Beavers leaders etc, and both have written policies that for the wellbeing of your average child, they don't do overnight trips before the age of 8. They've got lots of experience between them. I am happy to be guided by their instincts.

"I think it is small-minded"

Your opinion which you are entitled to.

"to believe your child can't breath without you being present."

Sheeesh - it's all or nothing with you Clumsymum isn't it? You've managed to deduce that that's what parents believe just from evidence that they don't think its a good idea for their 6yo to go on residential school trips.

I think you should be guided by your child. If he is keen to go then let him go, he will probably be homesick for a little while but hes enjoying himself he will be fine.