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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To e really uncomfortable about this food bank usage?

180 replies

EssieTregowan · 13/06/2017 13:12

It's not strictly a food bank, it's a local church community project, they get donated out of date food and run a free cafe, and every few weeks they run a free drop in where you can basically pick up what you like.

It is advertised as for everybody, tbf, but their website is very clear that its aim is to tackle food poverty.

My sister has been three times and keeps sharing the link and gushing about all the free food she's been getting.

I am really, really uncomfortable with this. They have three holidays a year, drive a new car, both have good jobs. They are not in any way in poverty. She is very tight and loves a bargain (nothing wrong with that) and is chuffed to bits to be getting a crate of free food every few weeks.

It makes me feel a bit sick though. I can't say anything in real life as I'll look like a bitch and probably be accused of being jealous Confused

Aibu? This just strikes me as all kinds of wrong but I'm prepared to be told otherwise.

OP posts:
BeautyQueenFromMars · 13/06/2017 13:13

YANBU. I agree with you- that food should go to people in need of it.

wisteriainbloom · 13/06/2017 13:14

You will get slaughtered on here Grin. My local church is the same though, no referral needed and definitely some people take advantage. It's up to the church to police it though I guess.

Sirzy · 13/06/2017 13:16

It will be advertised as for everyone to try to stop people feeling any stigma for going. Not so tight arses can help themselves!

Taking advantage of something like that seems particularly low (assuming she isn't genuinely having a tough to make ends meet type of month)

Shoxfordian · 13/06/2017 13:16

Yanbu but very hard for the church to police it or decide who is genuinely in need and who isn't.

hellobonjour · 13/06/2017 13:16

YANBU.

That food is for those who are in desperate need of it. She's morally bankrupt if that's what she's up to.

witsender · 13/06/2017 13:17

You're not wrong. Chances are the church are aware, but choose to be Christian about it.

This is the main issue with banks without a referral process tbh

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 13/06/2017 13:17

YANBU. Your sister is massively unfair taking advantage of such an excellent service. It's people like her that'll cause the scheme to go under.

Hmmalittlefishy · 13/06/2017 13:17

Is it free or is she expected to make a donation? And those that honestly can't afford the donation can use it for free
I know of lots of community food cafes using surplus (not out of date) supermarket food. They are designed to tackle food poverty but also to be inclusive to anyone as there is no stigma in using them and some of the food is lovely. If it is that then again it's expected for a donation to be made to keep it going (not all the food is free as there are often supplement food to buy, electric etc)

WorraLiberty · 13/06/2017 13:18

Aibu? This just strikes me as all kinds of wrong but I'm prepared to be told otherwise.

Sorry but that ^ really did^ make me laugh out loud Grin Grin

Only on Mumsnet!

Phosphorus · 13/06/2017 13:18

I'd say she's in the minority.

People who actually need the food bank often feel terribly embarrassed.

In my opinion you should say and do nothing.

She is a rare case, and making a fuss will do more harm than good.

OfficerVanHalen · 13/06/2017 13:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

waitforitfdear · 13/06/2017 13:20

I would call her out op. If she's sharing the link on fb then comment on her actions. Her friends are probably disgusted too.

Groovee · 13/06/2017 13:20

Quite often the things aimed at a certain group will not be used by those but used by the ones who aren't in need.

Your Sister sounds like a typical tight arse.

QuizteamBleakley · 13/06/2017 13:20

WTF? That's an absolutely vile thing to do. Where is she sharing the link? On social media? God, I'd like to take her to the depths of some of the most poverty-stricken areas I've worked in and see what some kids have to try to make a 'meal' from.

Fucking deplorable woman - you need to speak to her about it, however uncomfortable that may make you feel. Her actions will have awful, perhaps devastating, effects on a family or a child.

zukiecat · 13/06/2017 13:20

I agree

I think it's disgusting if someone is using a food bank when they don't have to

I've needed a food bank a couple of times, but didn't use it as a close friend bought me groceries

Although I'm on a very low wage, I still try and put something into the food bank collection trolley each time

If people abuse them, then it'll give the Tories and others an excuse to "benefit bash" even though most people who use them are working, and maybe even abolish them completely Sad

LouiseBrooks · 13/06/2017 13:21

YANBU she's outrageous.

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 13/06/2017 13:21

Sorry but to my mind your sister is stealing food from those who need it and I wouldn't be able to bite my tongue about it.

It would be different if she turned up just before closing and got food that would have to be thrown out otherwise, but if she's getting a crate of food then it sounds like she's getting in at prime time which means those who turn up later will miss out.

expatinscotland · 13/06/2017 13:24

I'm majorly unreasonable, because I'd take screen grabs of her posts and send them to the church. She should be banned.

SaucyJack · 13/06/2017 13:24

Does the stuff come from FareShare?

If so, it's not that bad. Their main aim was always to reduce food wastage regardless of the income of those who benefitted from commmunity projects that paid into the scheme.

No need for her to be greedy about it tho.

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 13/06/2017 13:25

Ask her if she needs any help at the moment, as you've seen she is struggling/using food banks, so are worried about her.

She'll have to admit she is using them for no reason and will hopefully be a way of outing what a shit she is being.

PeaFaceMcgee · 13/06/2017 13:25

Say something to her then! If you feel vulnerable people are genuinely missing out then you need to swallow your worries about what you'll 'look like'.

Alternatively, suggest the church donates it to the food bank.

Starlight2345 · 13/06/2017 13:28

I would FB shame her.

It is difficult for the church to judge.They don't know who is in need.

I agree she will be in the minority.

HateSummer · 13/06/2017 13:28

I'd just name and shame her to everyone in your family and I wouldn't care about being accused of anything.

witsender · 13/06/2017 13:29

Who do you think has the power and authority to 'abolish' a foodbank Zukie?

Hmmalittlefishy · 13/06/2017 13:29

It was fare share I was thinking of saucyjack although their cafes tend not to say fare share and will have a different name in each community.
As I said above they ask for donations unless you really can't afford it to keep it going and as fare share doesn't always provide everything for a full meal
Could she be sharing posts about it to encourage others to use it and to keep it going?
You need to find out if she is paying or taking for free as that is a different issue