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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if anyone else feels they 'married their father'.

72 replies

Whatsername17 · 13/06/2017 11:40

Obviously not in a literal sense. Me and dh have had some issues recently, issues that almost mirror issues my parents had when they were younger. Both situations were caused by my dad and dh making a very similar marital mistake. My mum commented that it was like watching history repeat itself. It got me thinking about how similar they are. My dh and my dad are both outgoing and social butterflies. People take to them both instantly and are very warm towards them. My mum and I are a little more reserved. My mum is lovely, but is a little shy in social situations and has always let's my dad take the lead. I'm not shy, but, as part of a couple, I'm the quieter one. This always led to people perceiving my mum as standard off-ish or cold until people get to know her. I feel like my dhs colleagues and friends view me in the same way. People always bang on about how lovely my dh is, and he is, but he is also needy, immature and a little self centred. Much like my dad. The neighbours chat away to dh whereas I just get a greeting despite always being smiley and polite. I haven't always got the confidence to strike up a conversation but I think I'm friendly. I'm well liked amongst my own friends and colleagues as well as dhs family, but in new social situations I always feel like people think dh is fabulous and can't quite work out why we are together. My mum has always felt the same. It's weird isn't it? To have married a man so similar to my dad? I don't know how it even happened. They obviously have their differences too but I when I was moaning to my mum and she laughed and said 'you've married your father' I just felt a bit 'oh shit!' Anyone else?

OP posts:
theredjellybean · 13/06/2017 12:45

i thought is was....but it turned out i married my exFIL...

sherbetpips · 13/06/2017 12:45

No I went the opposite way, I wanted someone to be with me, not away on business being the big successful business man. Hated seeing my mum along all the time. I however and quite career minded, so quite like my dad in a way but not as ambitious or ruthless.
Opposites attract, if you were both social butterflies you would be competing.

user1andonly · 13/06/2017 12:46

LadySalmakia Are you my sister?! You just described my Dad down to the last detail!

DH isn't identical - he does more than his fair share round the house (he's a crap cook but at least does try!) but there are many, many similarities and they have almost identical jobs - the kind of jobs that impact hugely on family life and I sincerely hope DD doesn't marry one!

I am striving not to turn out exactly like my mum and I think DH struggles with that as life would be a lot easier for him if I was her!

Firenight · 13/06/2017 12:48

Thankfully not but I am much like my dad so the clash would be horrendous.

ExplodedCloud · 13/06/2017 12:48

No. DH is probably more like my mother whilst I'm more like my father. They've been married 51 years through thick and thin and we all get on so I think it's all good.

PinkPeppers · 13/06/2017 13:04

Nope.
My dad is outgoing, extrovert. A real social butterfly.
Dh is the total opposite!
Whereas Im more like my dad.....

rightsofwomen · 13/06/2017 13:12

Nope. I wish I had though. My Dad was a gem. My ex is a bastard.

reetgood · 13/06/2017 13:35

Not really. They're both very kind, big hearted people and prioritise their relationships. Devotion is a word I'd use for them both in respect to their partners. But apart from that...my Dad's a thinker, can be quite in his head, fairly intellectual. My partner doesn't do overthinking, which is a Good Thing as I'm quite like my Dad. My partner is more of a bloke than my Dad is. On first meeting you'd think that my partner is very social, as he's funny and charming but he's actually quite a homebody. My Dad likes to be out and about, and values socialising.

I am unlike my partner's mother in some crucial ways - I'm not super demonstrative with my feelings, I tend to verbalise more than express. Whereas his mum wears her heart on her sleeve and is a bit...dramatic. I know for sure that's something that boyfriend really values.

Redredredrose · 13/06/2017 13:38

No, I "married" my "brother" - my brother was a much much more positive male influence on my life, a really good man who was kind, gentle, intelligent and funny, and generally one of the better human beings in the world. He sadly died soon after I met DP - one of my infinitie regrets is that they only met once, and never had chance to get to know each other.

Funnyfarmer · 13/06/2017 13:42

Nope. I am my father. I married my mother!

LaraAxelrod2 · 13/06/2017 13:43

OP I think you are my husband and this is a reverse as it exactly describes us and it drives me mad Grin

Funnyfarmer · 13/06/2017 13:43

Who is brave enough to ask there dh if they think you are like there mothers??

Funnyfarmer · 13/06/2017 13:44

@PinkPeppers. Is he more like your mum but any chance?

witchface · 13/06/2017 13:49

No, but sad to say my DH married his mother Blush

Whatsername17 · 13/06/2017 14:07

I'm like my mum! Nothing like his mum although she is lovely.

OP posts:
MermaidsTears · 13/06/2017 14:14

Nope. Wish I did though a man like my dad would be an amazing partner

TheWhiteRoseOfYork · 13/06/2017 14:23

OMG I often wonder if my Dad has been weirdly reincarnated into my DH even though they were both alive at the same time. They are so much alike, and what is even spookier is that I think my Dad was also reincarnated into my DSis's DH, as he is like him too.

rocketman3 · 13/06/2017 20:24

ah, I wish I had. mine (daddy) is a keeper.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 13/06/2017 20:27

No, I made a conscious decision to find a man nothing like my dad

Grimbles · 13/06/2017 20:30

After spending 2 -years- weeks staying with the PiL I have the awful feeling that I married my FiL, which terrifies me Shock

Graceflorrick · 13/06/2017 20:39

The opposite, which was deliberate. My DS has married a man who is extremely similar to our DF though.

TisapityshesaGeordie · 13/06/2017 20:48

I've never met my dad. I married my grandad instead. Both lovely men, hugely kind, massively family-orientated, quietly clever, funny but introverted, deeply loving in a non-demonstrative way. Both fussy eaters though Grin

I actually don't think i could have had a better role model.

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