Family holiday

[DaddyPigsLoveSlave]

We're on holiday at the moment - my partner, our DD and my parents - in a rented cottage in a little holiday complex.

DD, who is 3, has physical and learning disabilities. She's gorgeous and delightful but really hard work - very hyperactive and no sense of danger whatsoever, so she needs to be watched every second.

Before we booked the holiday, my parents said they'd look after DD sometimes, so DP and I could have a break. But 10 days in, they haven't had her on their own once, except for one evening, when partner and I went out for dinner once she was asleep.

Occasionally they'll say something about taking her for a walk but will then disappear, or open a beer or fall asleep.

I'm not expecting them to do anything difficult or complicated with her - no trips to the swimming pool or anything - but there are plenty of things to do in the place where we're staying where all they'd need to do would be keep an eye on her.

Earlier today, they said they'd take her into the games room, so she could have a play while they sat and watched, but my dad fell asleep and my mum disappeared, so DP ended up taking her while I made lunch.

AIBU to feel a bit let down? Or am I being entitled, expecting grandparents to pitch in a bit more?

No you are not being unreasonable. They said they would. Plus what grandparents wouldn't want time alone with the grand kids. One day out of ten though, on holiday, not even two days? You're not even asking for a whole day! Yeah they're being slack!

Grandparents can be annoying sometimes. I do almost everything on my own for my ds and DM has often said I'll have him and then doesn't. It's hard! Yanbu, they said they would help.

Maybe they don't feel confident in their ability to look after her?

Maybe you should ask them to look after her at a specific time like tomorrow afternoon or tonight and see how that works

Ask them outright. 'Hey mum, could you and dad take dd out for a couple of hours tomorrow morning like you said? Dh and I would really appreciate the break.'

Then tomorrow morning just get ready and go out. They will be fine and sound a bit slack for not stepping up sooner.

Weve gone away in the UK with people who've said they'll help. Usually we still do most things together but there's extra pairs of hands if we all swim for example . Usually one night out too!

I thought that was pretty good.

My actual parent's didn't do anything with the children the once I went away with them though . Dad rarely sees them never mind helps. The bar is fairly low.

I actually tried asking them directly today - said I was going to have a shower and maybe now would be a good time to take her to the games room, which they agreed. When I emerged from the shower, my dad was snoozing and my mum had retreated to their room.

Not feeling confident in looking after her may well have something to do with it, but my DP and I would be only seconds away if they needed help.

Harrumph.

When we went to a cottage with my parents when mine were little they would do the same as yours. Babysit while we went out on our own for a meal. There would be the odd 20 mins at the play park on site but that would usually be my mum heading off earlier with DS with an agreement that I'd follow on when I'd finish drying my hair/drunk my coffee etc. Oh, and someone else would usually mind the kids while we went off doing a supermarket shop.

I'm not sure you should expect more than this really. It's their holiday too. And if your DC is especially hard work then surely it is unreasonable to expect them to deal with her on their own many times in the week.

Unless of course you would have been happier not sharing with the grandparents and it was THEIR suggestion/nagging (!) that they come with you specifically so they could babysit more than they are doing?

Really hard work?
Watched every second?
I'm guessing that's the problem. Do they spend a lot of time with her normally? Did they realise what having her for a few hours would entail?
This is their holiday too. If you find it wearing imagine how an older person may feel.

They certainly didn't nag to come - we sort of came up with the plan all together.

I totally get that it's their holiday too, but it does feel a bit as if they're having a lovely, relaxing time while we never get to drink our coffee while it's warm or our beer while it's cold. Also, they go on holidays all the time, whereas this is probably our only break this year.

I wouldn't ask them outright, personally. If they wanted to do it they would offer. My kids always used to say "Nanny, can you take us to the swings" or whatever and then she felt unable to refuse! Has your DD been let down by them when she's asked them herself? (Assuming she is able to do this?)

Am prepared to accept that I'm BU, though. I think I just thought that because they'd offered, they'd actually do it. They see a lot of DD so they know how non-stop she is.

I do get that you're disappointed because you expected they'd help out more. But you can't make them.

Are they doing much with her, say, when you and her dad are cooking for everyone? Playing with her in the cottage so you can cook uninterrupted? or keeping an eye on her while you're in the shower? Reading her a bedtime story? Little things that don't take long or much effort?

Are they cooking for you so that at least you don't have to do that? Or do a food shop? Maybe they see those sorts of things as helping out, and they are helpful but you were a bit more specific in the help you were expecting?

keeping an eye on her while you're in the shower

Not really. I did leave DD with my dad while
I had a shower, but my partner (who'd been sorting out the recycling) said dad was asleep when he went into the room! Suboptimal...

Ah that's not great.....

Never mind. You'll know not to agree to it if they suggest it again.

What a shame, Its sad when GPs dont want to spend time alone with their grandkids. My In laws make no effort with our ds and hes their only Grandchild, they are more fond of our dog!

There's not much you can do about it really, tbh by the sounds of them I wouldn't particularly trust them as they might fall asleep!

Are they older grandparents? Maybe they just can't manage her so are avoiding it, in case they upset you?

You are not wrong to be narked, because they offered.

Or did they mean we will help to mean we will babysit one evening?

Basically if you don't benefit don't go on holiday with them again

They sound quite old, falling asleep in the during the day is something I think of as a very old person behaviour, maybe, as pp said they just don't feel they can deal with her on their own.

If that's the case then they should really be putting themselves out in other ways. There's lots they can do with her while you're around. Do they play with her, at least?

I don't think you are BU at all, if they had led you to believe they would help out. I don't know what you can do about it though, as if your dad falls asleep whilst supposedly watching your DD, I'm not sure I would want to leave her anyway.

I have children. Rarely get a hot coffee and never a cold beer.
It is part of being a parent.

My parents aren't falling-asleep-in-their-bath-chairs type old people (yet). They're just feeling lovely and relaxed.