Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to lend my sister money?

43 replies

kitchenidiots · 12/06/2017 17:38

Me and my sister have a good relationship and I trust her. Her car is on the way out and she wants me to lend her 5000 pounds to buy a new one. We are both in the same profession, but I do earn more and have been saving hard for the last 10 years.

She proposes to pay me back over three years. The thing is, I do have the money and I know she'll pay me back, but I'm 30 and not a homeowner (I hope to be someday soon but live in one of the most expensive places in the country), and I hope to get married, and/or buy myself a decent car (despite earning more, I drive a real banger!) I'm in the situation where I don't want to lend her it and then find that I need the money for one of the above things and can't get hold of it.

Equally, I'm been made to feel a bit guilty by my parents for not supporting my sister and I feel guilty (entirely my own conscience) and selfish for not helping her. I've suggested that she gets a less expensive car, (I could lend her 1000 I'm sure) but both her and my parents are saying that if you buy a cheap one then you'll spend more money fixing it (I don't think that's true). Am I being selfish by not lending her the money?

OP posts:
DartmoorDoughnut · 12/06/2017 17:40

You're not being selfish.

Hisnamesblaine · 12/06/2017 17:40

Can't your parents help her out? Surely it's more there place? Or failing that she could take out a personal loan?

dementedpixie · 12/06/2017 17:40

It's always a bit dodgy lending to family. Can she not get a bank loan?

2014newme · 12/06/2017 17:41

No you are not a bank.

witsender · 12/06/2017 17:41

Why can't she get a loan?

CoraPirbright · 12/06/2017 17:42

Your parents are being very U making you feel guilty. If its so important to them, why cant they lend her the money??

PurpleDaisies · 12/06/2017 17:43

You're not wrong at all. She's a grown up and should be responsible for her own finances. If she wants a new car she should sort it out herself and if your parents feel strongly that she should borrow the money from someone in the family, they should do it.

Original poster
kitchenidiots · 12/06/2017 17:43

My parents don't have any money to lend unfortunately.

OP posts:
Geeewhatsmore · 12/06/2017 17:43

Only if you can afford to lose that money. 3 years is a long time and anything can happen. If your parents are so keen for her to have a new car then they should finance it themselves. I wouldn't give it myself as I have burnt badly in the past. You have made a reasonable offer so don't feel guilty. Stand your ground and don't give in due to pressure.

PurpleDaisies · 12/06/2017 17:43

How old is she?

HungerOfThePine · 12/06/2017 17:45

Yanbu op it would never cross my mind to ask family for money even if i was hard up never mind money for a car.

You are not a bank. She should look into a hire purchase or something as that would be more reasonable.

VelvetHeart · 12/06/2017 17:45

Why can't she get car finance?

Squishedstrawberry4 · 12/06/2017 17:45

Why can she get it on loan herself? Go to the bank.

Usually it's the parents not the siblings who help out.

Just tell her you're saving for things so can't help her.

Original poster
kitchenidiots · 12/06/2017 17:46

She's 26. She's just text me saying that mum and dad are going to help her out after all, even though I know they have far less money than me (although they do own their home outright). I just know I'm going to be made out to be the bad guy in this one.

OP posts:
Original poster
kitchenidiots · 12/06/2017 17:47

She just said that the finance she was going to get fell through.

OP posts:
user1497253264 · 12/06/2017 17:47

Whats it got to do with you what car she gets, you've said you can lend £1000 at the most and after that it isn't your problem. Why can she just grow up and save like most people have to and use public transport in the meantime.

GnusSitOnCanoes · 12/06/2017 17:47

If she wants a new car, she should buy the car she can afford or get a loan. It's not your job to subsidize her. You're being sensible - not selfish.

PurpleDaisies · 12/06/2017 17:47

You're not the bad guy.

Your parents are not doing her any favours but allowing her to avoid living like a grown up and running her own finances. Stand your ground and don't feel guilty.

bigbluebus · 12/06/2017 17:47

Why can't she borrow it off a Bank/other financial institution ?- that is what they are for. Or get the car on finance from the garage. When DS was buying a car the dealer was actually offering a discount if you took finance - which you didn't get if you paid cash. They said it was the brand who put the cash deposit in not the actual dealer. This was not on a new car either - DC paid around what your DSis wants to borrow.

redexpat · 12/06/2017 17:47

I would agree that old cars cost less up front but more in repairs etc. But equally its not your problem and I think your reasons are very valid. Can she not get one on finance?

Geeewhatsmore · 12/06/2017 17:48

So they had the money all along but just wanted you to give them first? they were probably making you feel guilty as they didn't want to give her themselves.

GnusSitOnCanoes · 12/06/2017 17:48

If her finance fell through, there's probably a reason why. Don't be guilted into filling the gap.

redexpat · 12/06/2017 17:49

Oh X post. So youre off the hook. Hooray!

Questioningeverything · 12/06/2017 17:51

don't lend her it. I wouldn't. Five thousand is a hell of a lot, never a borrower nor lender be.

Original poster
kitchenidiots · 12/06/2017 17:52

Thanks everyone! I still feel guilty though... Confused

OP posts: