AIBU to not want to lend my sister money?

[kitchenidiots]

Me and my sister have a good relationship and I trust her. Her car is on the way out and she wants me to lend her 5000 pounds to buy a new one. We are both in the same profession, but I do earn more and have been saving hard for the last 10 years.

She proposes to pay me back over three years. The thing is, I do have the money and I know she'll pay me back, but I'm 30 and not a homeowner (I hope to be someday soon but live in one of the most expensive places in the country), and I hope to get married, and/or buy myself a decent car (despite earning more, I drive a real banger!) I'm in the situation where I don't want to lend her it and then find that I need the money for one of the above things and can't get hold of it.

Equally, I'm been made to feel a bit guilty by my parents for not supporting my sister and I feel guilty (entirely my own conscience) and selfish for not helping her. I've suggested that she gets a less expensive car, (I could lend her 1000 I'm sure) but both her and my parents are saying that if you buy a cheap one then you'll spend more money fixing it (I don't think that's true). Am I being selfish by not lending her the money?

No, no, no, don't even THINK about going there, OP! Your savings are for YOU for when YOU need a car or deposit for house etc. You say you have been saving hard for TEN YEARS, OP! Ten years! Going without so you can put yourself together a little nest egg. What has she been doing with her money? If she wanted to save for herself she should have been doing it.

Can you tell I feel strongly about this?!

I would be very wary of why her finance deal "fell through". Maybe she was refused credit for a reason you're not aware of.

And finally, JUST DON'T DO IT!!!

If the finance fell through, then that would be a warning.

Your parents are being VU.

I am the older sibling as is DH and we are both sick of our younger siblings not taking financial responsibility for themselves as adults. it seems like they are stuck in child mode with parents seeing them that way too, hence the guilt trip. You have no responsibility for another adult whatsoever.

Dodged a bullet there OP.

Lend it to her if you don't mind not getting it back.

I'm not saying she won't pay it back, but there's every chance she might not.

Dh is motor trade, they try really hard to get customers through finance so if it fell through there's a bloody good reason why.

Don't feel guilty, we were approached for money once & if we'd lent it we wouldn't have had enough to buy a house 15 months later.

Glad you don't have to lend the money OP, and I feel bad for you that you feel guilty.

No one is entitled to anything in the world - including your sister to your own money! Try and not feel guilty, looks like she has a plan now anyways.

Never ever lend money you can't afford to lose. Fwiw I've lent my sister £1000s over the year and it never gets paid back in full there's always something me urgent expense that crops up that means my money can't be paid. You've been lucky to avoid lending it to her.

You're not being selfish.

I appreciate it's difficult to say no to family, but in your shoes I wouldn't lend her the £5,000.

And a repayment plan over three years means around £140 a month, which is taking the piss.

You mustn't feel guilty. You might have got the money back, but your sister had a nerve to ask.
If she couldn't get the finance, she couldn't afford the car.

Finally found out that the 0% finance deal she had been promised on the car was only on one brand and there wasn't anything suitable, and she wasn't ok with the APR on the car she wanted. To be fair, she has said 'if you don't ask, you don't get' but I just know my parents will view me as selfish. They all live in the north near each other and I live in the south, away from them all, so they already call me a snob!

YANBU

Three years is a long time, either your situation or hers could change dramatically in that time meaning either you need the money urgently or she can't afford to keep payments going. As a family member, you'd be at the bottom of the heap if she ever got into difficulties and was struggling to pay bills and debts.

It's never unreasonable to refuse to lend someone money. You're not a bank!

Don't feel guilty OP. I hate lending to family, not just money but anything. We lent SIL £500 once to help pay off a debt that were threatening court action. We were both on a very low income at the time, and it took us around a year to save £1000 together. We only got £100 back off SIL (£50 a month), before she claimed she couldn't pay us back anymore. I think that's why I'm funny about lending, especially to her.
Anything can happen OP (she looses her job, monthly payments will be short, some months not paying, etc), and you'll end up probably not getting the money back as agreed. Just say no, that you have plans with the money and cannot afford to being lending right now.

Never saw a penny back from any monies loaned to family
Don't do it

You've done the right thing saying no.

Just because you have the money doesn't mean she has the right to expect it, particularly when you don't know when you'll need it and it's for something which to most people is a luxury.

Show them all the threads where it shows how much more expensive it is to live in the South. If your sister is in the same profession she'll have the same earning capacity as you at some point.

I think she is being cheeky to start with and even more so that she tried to get your parents to guilt trip you too.

As with any lending only ever lend what you can afford to not get back. Also family are likely to be the worse offenders because she'll pay her rent and other debts before you if she runs short.

Also when you lend money for cars they obviously depreciate really quickly and if she were to write it off she might not even get the amount you loaned her back from the insurance and I bet she'd want to use it to buy a replacement!

Bullet swerved I'd say!

Was she looking at finance specifically on the cars she's interested in? Might be better if she looks at 0% credit cards and put the car on that. Or more general personal loan.

OP - in your shoes, I would remind your parents that teaching ones offspring to save is in fact their job, not yours.

You have nothing to feel guilty of. Yes you may earn more than your sister but it doesn't mean you are a bank!

My SIL pleads poverty regularly, has judged me harshly in the past for being a working parent (publicly commenting at family get togethers that she loves her child far too much to leave with strangers) but yet my money is good enough for her to request to borrow.

(Can you tell that I am fed up of siblings who cannot or will not mange their finances!!!).