to buy my ds a skirt

[Lostinaseaofbubbles]

I thought of this in respect of another post tonight and I didn't want to hijack so I've started my own thread.

DS is nearly 2. Whenever we go to one particular playgroup he heads straight to the dressing up box and grabs the green tutu and a tiara and brings them to me to get me to put them on him and wears them for the whole morning. His brother always grabs either the knight helmet or the builders hat.

We have a dressing up box at home and without any hesitation I got a knight helmet and builders hat at Christmas time. But not the tutu and tiara...

I've got three boys, very unlikely to have another child.

Before embarking on this whole motherhood thing I swore I'd be all gender neutral and try to encourage all forms of play. But I bought DS1 a doll when I was expecting ds2. He could not have cared less - if it doesn't have wheels he is/was not interested, so everything has ended up pretty boyish.

Anyway, do I buy a tutu and tiara for my dressing up box?

And whilst I'm on the subject, should I have bought DS1 (age not quite 4 at the time) the pink sparkly trainers that he saw and fell in love with and really really wanted? (I worried he'd get teased at preschool and talked him into getting brown ones with race cars on the bottom). It's been about 9 months and he still talks about those glittery trainers...

At nurseries I've worked in, they have dresses etc in the box and boys always grab these. I've seen parents actively push their boys away from this and the home corner in general because they don't want gay children. My great nephew is not allowed dolls, pushchairs, any clothing in pink, red, yellow or purple because they don't want him to be gay, as gay is hard enough without it parents encouraging and purposely putting their child in line for bullying. (Not my words btw!)

Our current dressing up box at work has been overhauled and all gender specific costumes removed. It's been replaced with material of all colours, textures, sizes and some with holes in. This way, they can use imagination more and one piece of material can be a dress, a skirt, a cape etc.

But if he specifically wants a tutu, buy it. Absolutely nothing wrong with it. The only ones who see problems are grown ups and they then project these onto children as to what's socially acceptable in their eyes.

Yep go for it. My DS loved wearing fancy dress dresses for a while. There came a time as he got older that he decided not too but that was his choice.

It's mainly hats at the moment. We have knight, cowboy, builder, policeman, fireman, train driver, pirate hat.

My justification at Christmas was that I didn't want him to have access to a tiara because he's still at the "everything in the mouth" stage (he still is!) and I didn't want him to end up eating sparkles. Plus tiaras are not the most robust toys around 3 boys age 18m-4!

And it was a hat collection rather than a dressing up box so a tutu isn't a hat. But thanks to a birthday party we now have a pirate outfit so it's now not all hats.

No one has shown any interest in prams so that's why I've not even considered that route. In the same way as we mainly have trains rather than cars because that seems to be where their interests lie. We do have a lovely multicoloured play kitchen though and I do try to teach them to bake.

I think I just need a bit more courage in just "letting them play" and to be a little less concerned about how other children will react to them.

One of ds2's favourite toys is an upsy daisy, but we were in a toy shop and I told them that they could each have a cbeebies toy from a certain display and it's what he choose.

But birthday presents are different because you buy what you think they'd like rather than letting them choose for themselves. Well, at 2 you seem to.

I got my son a little mermaid doll for his 3rd Easter

Glad you're buying it for him, in sure he'll love it (by the way, you can pick up lovely tutus on amazon for a couple of quid, they usually shop from China so take a few weeks, but are amazing value for money)

At dds nursery the boys raid the princess dresses at least as often as the girls, same for when her (mixed group of) friends play dress up here. It's great to see then enjoying themselves with them

Yeah, I've got my eye on a rainbow one for a few quid. Won't be here in time for his birthday but I can just sneak it in the box.

Not sure I do want free access to a tiara yet just because they aren't very robust and they have sparkles that could come off and he still gnaws everything. Might keep an eye out for one but not give it to them yet...

I thought the "shall I dress my boy in a dress for my own self-congratulatory open mindedness" was ridiculous.

But, like other posters, I'd say go for it on the tutu.

Major differences between the 2 threads:

1. You aren't treating your child's gender identity as an extension of your own personality/to make a statement about yourself
2. The child is older and has expressed an interest

Brittbugs80 That's awful about the people who think a boy playing in home corner or with dolls will be gay. Firstly, it shouldn't matter one bit what their child's sexuality is. Secondly, it just shows they are morons. my child played with a baby... I'm scared he's going to be an active FATHER later in life / he played in home corner... I'm worried he might grow up to think that men and women should share chores equally!'

I'm from a large family. Me and my cousins are very close in age and mum and her sister had 2 girls each first. My brother spent far too much time in his childhood being dressed up as a ballerina

My, now adult 6'4" and macho, was a Disney princess for a couple of years. We are very mean and he does get teased now, not at the time, and his siblings have photos they are planning on displaying at his wedding. I think he is going to remain single.

Go for it OP but if you take photos make sure you don't let his brothers get hold of them!

No..he'll catch the gay.

Kidding..go for it

Honestly I wouldn't over think it. At play groups boys would frequently be charging round with dolls in prams and play with the kitchen stuff. I bought DS all that stuff when he was interested, he then moved onto other stuff. Just take their lead. They are just toys to play with, no one batted an eyelid.

We had a wide mix of boy and girl dressing up outfits, I never really thought about it, as we had a mix of DC friends round, of both genders, playing with them. Also had some nice purple and black with gold, cloaks for being a wizard, or an emporer. I remember a lad who was about 10 (when mine were only 5), who was a very tough, boyish child, gleefully donning a flowery nightie and running about in it for a whole morning :-). I think kids all need to play around with different identities and make up stories, they don't need to be told what gender they are 'supposed to be'.

A toy is a toy and anything pink and glittery is going to appeal to most toddlers. They aren't born knowing the difference between girls and boys things.

Maisypops I completely agree. It's a bone of contention in the family with my great nephew though! My niece's partner won't even push the pram because that's not what men do!

MY son used to dress up as a princess at preschool but when I asked if he wanted one he said no. I would ask him and if he says yes then do it.

He's too little to ask. It's not like I'm going to put it on him and force him to wear it. I'll just buy one and pop it in the box (it won't arrive in time to be a birthday present now)

Of course should let him wear these clothes if he wants to. When I worked in a pre-school a little lad actually used to come in dressed in a skirt or girls trousers,with lots of pearls and other jewellery . Some staff thought it was odd. I think there are a lot of double standards around- if a girl dresses and acts like a lad she is a 'Tom boy ' and no one bats an eyelid, is there really a difference? Even if there is something deeper who cares?

When my youngest daughter out grew here Belle dress-up dress, I gave it to the pre-school she went to. I saw one of the teachers a couple of months later & she said the boys wore it more than the girls
So I say go for it!!

I've got three boys, very unlikely to have another child.

Be prepared for people thinking that you are letting him wear girls clothes because you already have two boys and you secretly wanted the third to be a girl.
I'm not saying that you are subconsciously encouraging it, but it's what a lot of people will privately be thinking.

Personally, I admire your bravery

I wouldn't even think twice - DS2 desperately wanted a fairy costume for Christmas, so that's what he got (I have a great picture of him leaning casually against a wall at the bus stop in joggers, t-shirt, pink sparkly fairy tutu and wings).

When they do dress up at his playschool, more than half the boys are straight into princess dresses and twirling around - if you can't wear sparkly stuff when you're a toddler, when on earth can you!

My youngest boy used to dress up in a different princess/fairy costume every week at toddler group. Never gave it a second thought and nor did anyone else.

This is the thing, I really don't mind (I'd say don't care but that's a bit negative and it's not that I don't care, it's that it simply doesn't exist as an issue). When he first brought me over the tutu in playgroup I didn't hesitate.

I don't mind if my kids turn out to be gay or straight or trans or whatever. Any tinge of sadness would just come from any discomfort that they may experience either from emotions within themselves or from any negative impacts from societal expectations.

Happy, healthy, kind and respectful is really what I'm aiming for.

It was silly to ask about the tutu really, I guess it's because he hadn't explicitly asked for or selected it. I didn't ask whether he could have an upsy daisy doll did I?

It's such a fine line to tread to try to not put your issues on your kids (I was teased mercilessly at primary school and I just don't want that for my kids)

Still feeling bad about those blooming trainers. Think I'll keep an eye out and if I see a cheapy pair anywhere I'll happen to take DS1 to the shop and if he still wants them he can have them. Once he's at school he'll have school shoes anyway so they can be non-school shoes and he can have what he likes.

Absolutely buy them. I have 2 boys and we had fairy wings, tutu's and feather boas in our dressing up box.

Be prepared for people thinking that you are letting him wear girls clothes because you already have two boys and you secretly wanted the third to be a girl.
I'm not saying that you are subconsciously encouraging it, but it's what a lot of people will privately be thinking.

They are less likely to think that because ds2 and ds3 are twins. Mind you, there's a big enough size difference that they may think that they're just close in age. Oh well.

People who know me well will know that I would have loved to have a little girl. Not that I'd swap my boys for the world.

I think it's this very thing that's made me so nervous of encouraging anything too feminine. I don't really care what most people think of me. I do not want anything I do to adversely affect the kids.