To ask what to do about this man?

[TrueSay]

So without being too outy - a large group of us that share a hobby went out last night.

About 40 men and women.

One of the women in the group I've become particularly close to as we have DC the same age and we live nearby. She's going through a tough time at the moment - having gained a lot of weight over the year and has some mental health stuff going on. To the outside world everything is good but overtime I've noticed and from what she's told me things are not.

Her husband is a genuinely lovely bloke. I've often though - found him staring at me. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Last night I kept catching his eye.

Then I was talking quite passionately about politics getting quite animated and he turned round and said 'the way you are talking about it sounds like how you would talk about sex?' His wife was in listening distance - she didn't flinch or possibly didn't hear?

Strange thing to say.

Now I just think he possibly has a teeny crush on me - not being big headed BUT it's making me uncomfortable. Maybe it's all in my head - but he always goes in for a big tight hug when we meet and I'm generally pulling myself away!

Now what can I do about this? this lady means a lot to me as a friend. But I'm finding I'm distancing myself due to her DH. Because it all makes me really uncomfortable being around him.

To round it all off he's asked my DH out for a drink. Maybe it's me reading too much into it - I'm sure it is.

Help what can I do? Plus there is lots of other stuff that's happened - but the main stuff is he is ALWAYS staring at me!

This is getting quite stressful for me. In my head I feel I'm making it bigger than it is. But basically I can't get away from how I feel.

He makes me feel uncomfortable.

I do not like to be stared at. He stares at me. Everytime I have spoken with him it's been a very casual conversation. Well except politics this time but that was a group situation and we were all talking about it.

When we leave to say goodbye he always brings me into him and hugs and kisses me goodbye. I do not like that.

His wife is going through a tough time. I don't know the ins and outs of it. Whatever it is it's affecting her mental and physical wellbeing.

I do not like to be sitting somewhere watching how I get in and out of a chair because someone is watching me - I hate standing in a room trying to talk to people when I know I'm being stared at.

I don't like a practical stranger telling me that that way I talk about a subject is the way I would talk about sex! Ffs he doesn't know me well enough and how the fuck is the way you talk the way you would talk about sex? I don't get that.

Point blank I have felt sick to the stomach over this man.

I do not fancy him.

Why does this bloke affect you so much? Do you think you need to address that?

Because elephant, this man is physically touching her in a way that the OP has not asked for and is not comfortable with, he is being verbally inappropriate and he is staring at OP in a way calculated to make her uncomfortable.

Is that a good enough reason for OP to feel effected by this person?

OP, tell your husband & keep as far away from this man as possible. I'd also let the friendship with his wife slightly slide and if she asks why I'd tell her that her husband makes you uncomfortable.

Stop worrying about the feelings of this creepy man and take care of yourself.

Yeah, I get that. Her reaction seems pretty extreme, though.

He's a total creep, Harry.

You might be just fine around total creeps. Good for you, if you are.

Don't make the OP feel bad by telling her that her reaction to him - a total creep - is extreme.

He's a creepy bully, deliberately making someone feel uncomfortable with words, gestures and unwanted physical contact.

Tell your DH, OP. Tell him how uncomfortable 'Mr Creeps' makes you feel and ask you DH to help you avoid him.

I'm still pitying the poor wife....😠.

Update is that I've told DH. He was ok about it. He understood what I said and agreed this mans behaviour was inappropriate.

He wasn't upset or cross but agreed he would keep an eye and completely agrees that comparing anything to sex and saying to anyone was point blank very very inappropriate

See! Told you!

Remember this as a lesson for another time. Sharing your worries and problems with your DH is what you are meant to do.

You've been worrying about this alone unnecessarily when he would have had your back all along.

That's great OP.

The next time you need to deal with this man will be made much easier by someone you trust having your back.

I know!! It felt like a load lifted!!! I feel so much better.

I'm pleased you feel better True

Thanks Scarlett & everyone else for their advice