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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask for your opinions on home education?

247 replies

MooMooTheFirst · 10/06/2017 10:11

For background-

I am a primary school teacher that currently teaches nursery and have felt increasingly uneasy about the school system in the UK over the past few years. I've got a 13 month old DS. I am confident I can deliver education at primary level up to year six.

The idea of home education has always seemed 'other' to me but I am slowly starting to feel like it would be right for us.

This isn't a goady post, genuinely looking for a variety of opinions.

OP posts:
Morphene · 10/06/2017 20:42

vestal its nice to have the chance to say this to you - because it often hasn't been true on other threads, but I 100% agree with your post.

TisGlorious · 10/06/2017 20:42

We considered this for DS at one point. When it was mentioned tentatively to DS he looked horrified, He's the type of dc that needs peers to spar with, enjoys the competition, the group banter etc, it makes him feel like he 'belongs', in a different ay to his sense of belonging within the family. It wouldn't have worked for him. But I believe it can work for the right child, but only as a last resort.

RudeDog · 10/06/2017 20:47

I know a HE she talks about how well socialised her son is. However he's a teenager and all his activities/socialising are organised by his mother!
He never goes out just on his own with friends.
He does HE through as website now so spends a huge amount of time online.

I have friends who decided from birth to HE their DD - they have no experience of school but make a lot of assumptions about what it's like and how restrictive and terrible it is for children.
They are very controlling and they don't want their DD with 'non vegans' / I don't think it's going to be good.

I have my issues with school but generally it's a good thing for my DD - she LOVES her teacher and it's a lovely thing to see that relationship.

lljkk · 10/06/2017 21:03

yeah, maybe it's unusual that of all the HEr parents I know, almost none are doing it because their kid had a definable issue like ASD or dyslexia or being bullied. Most did HE because the parents thought HE was a great idea, and usually feel quite strongly that school-ed is at best mediocre, but more likely plain terrible, for almost all kids.

witsender · 10/06/2017 21:21

Well, I don't know many who HE because of SN. Most just do it because they believe that they can do a better job than a school. And depending on what you are after, I agree in the main.

HE is not just a reaction to school, if you see what I mean. It isn't just a negative, school is not seen as the norm/default by many. It is a standalone choice, with school an option made available to parents by the government as a method of fulfilling their (the parents') legal obligation to provide an education to their children.

EezerGoode · 10/06/2017 21:24

I did...for 9 yrs....my kids were really ahead when they went to school.we had covered most of what was done in primary..so my advice would be ,don't get ahead of the school year.incase they go back in..mine were frustrated as they they knew what was being taught..by secondary they were fine as I hadn't covered that...feel free to pm me x

Orchid2017 · 10/06/2017 21:49

Why are people assuming that HE kids never go to clubs without parents present or interact with other adults they can trust and learn from. I would imagine that most go to clubs, scouts etc , play team sports that many school children attend outside of school. Hmm

user1492692527 · 10/06/2017 21:49

I know of 2 young people who have been HE. One has a totally overbearing mother and had serious issues in his late teens with social interaction - particularly being inappropriate with young teenage girls. He had a very supportive manager in his first job who helped him tremendously, but I would say for the first 5 years of his working life he struggled a lot.

The other one had a very uneducated mother who simply taught her what the mother wanted her to learn - which was bits of sewing, cooking and how to look after pets (badly!). She is now in her early 20s and has not managed to break away from her mother and has never had a boyfriend, or any close friends.

HE totally depends on the parents - but who polices that?

Ummmmgogo · 10/06/2017 22:12

we are not assuming that at all. We are pointing out that home ed kids get very little socialization that isn't highly structured and/or supervised by their parents. Team sports isn't the same as being in a playground.

Ummmmgogo · 10/06/2017 22:14

sorry that was to Orchid2017.

RoseVase2010 · 10/06/2017 22:18

I wish I had the option to send mine to school part time.

TisGlorious · 10/06/2017 22:19

I also thing socialising with other kids, is more than going out for outings, clubs etc, its also about learning together, debating, listening to other peoples ideas, group discussions etc

Anyway, my dc has SN hence why we considered it, i think HE definitely has its place but it shouldn't be the default.

gillybeanz · 10/06/2017 22:28

OP, you said further upthread about concerns about your dc socialising.
My dd was very social when she was H.ed, the same opportunities were available to her through the LA as for schooled children.

I know this isn't always a possibility for those who H.ed because of issues with a school/ LA, but this wouldn't apply to you.
There are also the community groups such as Scouts, brownies etc that they can join.
My dd also went to dancing school for a while, so they can still pursue hobbies and interests.

You talk about structure which is great if this is the way you wish to go, but we found that a mix of structure and allowing her to find her own interests really paid off in the end.
She always enjoyed music and we knew she was good at it, but we had no idea that she was gifted until we just let her spend the time she wanted to playing music, so a bit of flexibility really worked for her.

I think you should go for it, good luck Thanks

gillybeanz · 10/06/2017 22:32

We are pointing out that home ed kids get very little socialization that isn't highly structured and/or supervised by their parents. Team sports isn't the same as being in a playground.

Why can't H.ed children play in the playground/park with their friends.
I don't know where this idea comes from that H.ed children don't socialise. They have a more varied group of friends than if they are forced into a group the same age, with the only thing in common a room they call class.

Ummmmgogo · 10/06/2017 22:36

they can. but it isn't the same.

Ummmmgogo · 10/06/2017 22:38

no-one is saying that home ed children never see another soul! we are just pointing out that the limited types of socialization and the limited types of people that they socialise with is considered a major negative for many.

sorry I don't think I was very clear before. xx

Orchid2017 · 10/06/2017 22:42

I work in a school which is in a very middle class area with very little (if any) diversity. That means that my pupils also have very limited social interaction.

Ummmmgogo · 10/06/2017 22:46

that's a fair point point orchid.

hopefully this is all helping the op to make her mind up. it's quite a divisive issue that lots of people feel strongly about! x

gillybeanz · 10/06/2017 22:49

Ummmm

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be difficult but I don't understand what you mean about limited types of people H.ed children socialise with.

My child is at school now, she went from H.ed to boarding.
When she was H.ed she had friends of all ages from all over the UK and abroad.
Some were schooled, some H.ed. She played with schooled and H.ed dc, she attended groups with both.

Orchid2017 · 10/06/2017 22:53

Unfortunately, there will always be prejudice towards people who want to buck the trend. My children go to school but I can totally understand and admire those who HE. Schools have many failings and fail many children, some HE parents will also have failings, such is life but it was reported that, on the whole, HE children are more successful than those who go to school.

Ummmmgogo · 10/06/2017 22:55

that's ok. I meant for example at a school there would be families on benefits, children who don't speak English as a first language, children who have crackhead parents, etc. the types of families most home edders would cross the road to avoid.

I imagined everyone at a home ed meet up to be middle-class and into education. There is a lot to be gained from being able to get along with people you wouldn't choose to spend time with normally.

ParadiseCity · 10/06/2017 23:02

It's like every other parenting decision. It depends if you are a twat or not. If you are a decent person (OP you def sound lovely) home schooling can be great. If you are a stupid non vaccinating school-fear-mongering paranoid twat, home schooling is not such a good idea.

gillybeanz · 10/06/2017 23:03

Ah, right I understand and whilst i can't speak for other H.edders can only say that this didn't apply to us.
There aren't many H.ed families in our area and no meet ups, but we did know another family that dd played with sometimes, but she had met these at dancing years before.
I never chose dd friends, she chose her own, but I can see how some may control their lives, it wasn't the case for us.
She had friends from all walks of life, and still does at school. There really wasn't a difference for us.

Ummmmgogo · 10/06/2017 23:08

aww it sounds like a really lovely time in your lives.

At the end of the day schools and home ed can both be positive or negative, but for me, I think school is better so I gave my opinion to the op to try and help her make up my mind. I wasn't trying to pick on any particular poster sorry if it came across that way xx

user1495884620 · 10/06/2017 23:08

We are pointing out that home ed kids get very little socialization that isn't highly structured and/or supervised by their parents. Team sports isn't the same as being in a playground.

The vast amounts of unstructured playtime are, in my opinion one of the advantages of home ed. Without the time constraints of the bell going for end of playtime, home ed children can spend all day in the park playing together, with no more parental intervention than they would get from a lunchtime supervisor.

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