AIBU to ask for your opinions on home education?

[MooMooTheFirst]

For background-

I am a primary school teacher that currently teaches nursery and have felt increasingly uneasy about the school system in the UK over the past few years. I've got a 13 month old DS. I am confident I can deliver education at primary level up to year six.

The idea of home education has always seemed 'other' to me but I am slowly starting to feel like it would be right for us.

This isn't a goady post, genuinely looking for a variety of opinions.

Sorry if I'm being assumptive, I can come across as a bit strident I think, but I do see there are other points of view.

In our case, Cloud, ds was like this before he started school. And actually had quite a pleasant experience at a very cuddly infants school. Certainly not traumatised. He has just never been the energetic type, not even as a baby.

He has been doing better at school lately, mainly because college managed to persuade him that it really is the case that he will struggle to find work without maths and English and without a tutor reference that shows him as willing at least to try. But it's been a long way in coming and definitely not something he would listen to dh or me about.

So I think you are spot on: it's about the personality of the child.

Also, ds feels the odd one out in our family because he is the only one who has never managed to find any enthusiasm for the intellectual and artistic and outdoors interests of the rest of the family. For him, I think school has been a bit of a breathing hole because he can get away from the weirdoes he is surrounded by. Having me in charge of his education (much as I am sure he loves me) would be his worst nightmare.

@dojo because at school you are on your own. at home ed meet up parents are normally there. Home ed meet ups sound fun and educational, but are not as socially diverse or socially educational as a playground in my opinion.

Wouldn't you wait until your child was a little bit older and had developed more of their own personality before deciding?

Children are all individuals and what's right for one isn't necessarily right for another. I have a friend who has been doing HE and basically decided she was going to do it before her DC were born. It's abundantly clear to anyone else that her children really aren't suited to HE and would be much happier in school. They very much have the attitude that they are stuck with their Mum and want more independence. Even when they have opportunities to socialise it's all arranged and controlled by their Mum and it doesn't suit them because they do just want more autonomy and separation.

I'd wait until your DC was old enough for you make a bit more of a judgement based on them as an individual if I was in that situation.

Our daughter did just over a year of school before we pulled her out. We had planned on HE but she wanted to try it, so we did.

Our other children won't be starting. The 5 yr old did preschool for a year. Obviously we may revisit tb decision in the future.

I agree with Scooter. The 'social' argument is totally without foundation or evidence. Social media makes forming groups and networks very easy. The HE children who I know are totally sociable, well rounded, delightful human beings who can relate to peers and adults. I am a teacher and I can not say that about a large number of my pupils. One has gone on to be a outstanding primary school teacher despite never setting foot in a school before their PGCE. Her mum was not a trained teacher. All you need is commitment and I do believe you need to be reasonably intelligent to HE your children.

Cory, I feel dd gets a break at school from us lot . She'd hate being at home all the time and wouldn't get the social life that she needs, as she's far more outgoing than the rest of us.

In all honesty, HEing the boys isn't perfect, and isn't really suiting me, but it is still far better than school for them both. We're exploring the option of a special school for ds2, but won't go down that route unless we know as far as we can that it would be the right thing for him.
I do know people HEing NT children and having fantastic lives, and the children are very sociable, not weird, and are very knowledgeable and interesting.

Where I live I only know one person who home schools basically her DS was too disruptive for primary school and was forever in trouble.
He is 13 now and doesn't seem to have any friends, is only ever seen out with his mum. Moving this particular boy out of school maybe eased things for his classmates and teachers. But it seems very full on for his mum who gave up her job and completely changed her life. They both look very hippyish now the boy has very long untidy hair and mum seems to permanently wear a bandana/headscarf and baggy crinkle clothes. Even if they found it too intense after two years he would never have fitted in or adjusted to mainstream secondary school.

As well as benefitting from the variety of different teachers I think kids learn a lot from interactions with one another which helps them socially in later life.

I think kids benefit from being exposed to a wide variety of people with completely different values. One reason I wouldn't want to HE is that I don't want to be that influential on my kids. I want them to question our values. But main reason I wouldn't HE is that I would hate it. Everything else could be fixed, I reckon, but I could never enjoy HE.

"The 'social' argument is totally without foundation or evidence."

Many of my relatives & some friends HE. My anecdotal experiences are evidence enough for me.... but again, all fixable, that's true.

I guess you can try it and switch if it doesn't work for you.

I think there are benefits of both systems and some children are more suited to one that the other.

My children are at school. The things that they gain from it are they have some other adults they trust (teachers, TAs) and they do respect and like them. I would worry that a child's own mum teaching them everything to year 6 would rob them of that other trusted adult contact and different styles of teaching and points of view. You might want to team up with tutors or other home schoolers so it's not just mum all the time.

HE works for us. Every family does it differently & you would find uour own way.
Interestingly of the several ex teachers i know who HE none of them are "school at home" types. I do know several families who do school at home but there is no cross over.

If you do want to school at home you can cover the NC is startlingly little time

Most of the time HE is about facilitating learning rather than teaching.

I have no children so look at this a bit from the outside. As HE is not regulated and that seems to be part of the appeal for some parents and children it raises the question of whether there are any things that all children should learn and whether the government or other independent body should check that. The most recent I've come across is ideas of all children learning about all religions and about tolerance of all religious beliefs and none. Although that could be achieved in state education, to tackle extremism all education would have to be covered.

I'm coming to the end of 15 years home educating when my youngest child goes to college in September. I can honestly say it's been the most fantastic experience and I'm going to be hard pushed to find another job this rewarding. Ive friends who've home educated for primary and then school for secondary, or one family who home educated 2 of their sons for KS2. The only problem we've had with socialising is fitting it all in! They do sports, orchestra, scouts, St. John's ambulance brigade, etc. My 16 yo coaches sports.

I suggest reading Free Range Education, The Unschooling Handbook, and Learning Without School to get an idea of how it might work in your family. As well as the home ed forum here, there are several groups in Facebook that can give you the opportunity to talk to other parents about he.

I have taught a few home-edded teens. The social aspect never seemed to be much of a problem, but transferring to a formal curriculum sometimes was. At FE/HE level, a lack of formal qualifications can hold you back.

I've also know a couple of families who went the home ed route. DD's best friend went to high school in year 9 and got on reasonably well. Her elder sister did not enter formal education until A levels. They were both taught by tutors as well as parents.

The other one was a non-NT boy who'd had serious problems at a special school. His parents took him out of education completely for a while, then employed a tutor. Academically, he thrived, and he now has a good degree.

I'd be a bit disappointed if someone chose to home school and taught literacy the way school does right now. My son has a list of 9 sentence types (eg a relative clause) and each day has to write 3 sentences, so after 3 days he has a sentence in each type. Then on day 4 they use they write a story and use the sentences in it. They are given the theme of the story on say 4. I was agog!

Re the socialising side. I would advocate ensuring that your DC has the opportunity to socialise without you present, as any child would away from parents in a traditional school situation.

Children need that experience of being away from parents to build independence and allow them to really find their own style etc.

Trb makes a good point and you will want to build this into whatever way you choose to home educate.

What I have seen among some HE'ding friends (not all) is a tendency to believe that their children are very independent when in actual fact all their social contacts are facilitated by their parents and involve the children of people with very similar outlook to their parents. (This would actually be one of my strongest arguments against HE'ding my own dc: they really don't need more hippyish academics in their lives.) I think it is healthy for children to be able to choose friends that their parents don't know, friends that they might not even always approve of. But I am sure you could find a way round this, OP.

I am currently home educating DS1 (12) who has ASD, more by necessity than by choice, as a temporary measure while we wait for a suitable school place. I haven't regretted it although I wouldn't have chosen to do it without trying school first.

Pros:
getting to spend more time with him ( especially relevant for a nearly teenager)
Understanding where his strengths and weaknesses are in a learning capacity
Being able to work as his pace and move on only when he's confident in what he's working on ( particularly in maths)
More scope for self led teaching eg he is teaching himself Japanese instead of French because 'French is boring' ( his words)
No school uniform
Can go to places during term time weekdays when they're not busy
No travel time or costs to get to school
Not being forced to socialise with other people as this is what stresses him out most. There are opportunities for socialisation through local homeschooling groups but he chooses not to do them.

Cons:
The time spent on preparing lessons and teaching
Cost ( both in lost earnings and in any additional tuition, sports equipment or costs which would normally be provided in PE, textbooks, stationary, computer software)
Being 12, I can leave him at home while I pop out, but with a younger child, I would find it very limiting, to always have to take a child along to any appointments for myself. Fine if you have family or other HE friends nearby who might babysit.
Diminishing social circle for him.

This year has opened my eyes to how many people do home educate, either permanently or transiently. I have looked on it as a challenge and actually quite enjoyed it. That said, I wouldn't choose to do it for my other children unless they were really struggling with school and there was no other option.

What is it you're not happy about with the UK schooling system? If not happy with the state system, would a private school suit you better, given that you can carry on working if you're not home educating?

Impossible dreams, it doesn't cost £2.20 per child for a home cooked meal. Well under half of the cost of a school meal is spent on ingredients. The rest goes on kitchen staff, cleaning etc.

I home ed my dc. I'm a also a qualified teacher. When I started home edding I did some supply work but now I'm at home full time but do some tutoring in evenings and on weekends.
Socialisation is something I hear lots about when people discuss the pros and cons. My eldest child is 14 and the most sociable person I know, we hardly see her as she's always at the park/at friend's houses/at various clubs. One group of friends we met through going to the local park when she was little, we'd always see the same faces at the park and got to know the mums and children over the years and now she's older they hang out at the park (obviously without parents now they're in their teens) and at each other's houses. They also go to a youth club together which runs camping trips/days out several times a year. The other group of friends she met through discussing a shared hobby on Instagram.
As for when they're younger, yes parents will be present at groups but often there will be multiple rooms in a group meet (they're usually in a hall with a few different rooms and a couple of outdoor spaces). What tends to happen is that a few parents will man each room/space so that you might not necessarily be with your dc. Allows them to be independent and form conflict resolutions and get to know and trust other adults.
Some of the classes my children go to also require you to leave them there so for example my 7 year old does two hours of dancing per week without me present.
She also goes to sleepovers with her aunties, uncles and grandparents so isn't attached to me 24/7. Friends and I take it in turns to take the dc out to give each of us a break too.
What I often find with home educated children is that they're more willing to socialise with people of different ages too, which, I think, is a positive thing. My fourteen year old for example will go and sit in our 80-year-old neighbour's house and chat with her.
So what I'm saying is that home ed doesn't necessarily equal no socialisation.

As a primary teacher l am supportive of home schooling as long as parents are committed as l believe you will be . But dont imagine your own child will be the same as at school. There children just get on with being taught but at home your dc will have an opinion on what youre doing so not easy for a teacher, l think.
I have a few friends who successfully homeschooled but were in a great routine . Ive seen other dc removed from school only to be barely taught anything. My own dd said she felt so sorry for home ed friends as she had so much fun in school everyday and they had none of that.
Im in lreland so dont fully get year 6 reference but l believe as a teacher you could teach most subjects right up to 16 at least. Would just need to stay on top of it yourself. I have experience of this with home tutoring other children.

My friend has home educated three of her children on and off for s variety of reasons she atttends various days with them with other people that home educate ,I couldn't do it I,m not disciplined enough but my friend manages ,I have nothing against it each to their own.

I'd love to home Ed-it's just the financial present and future (pension etc) that stops me. I'm a teacher and I don't like the way things are either.

I know a few home educators and for most of the kids it's been excellent.

I like the way it's led by the child's interests and i think generally home educated children do much better academically then those taught in mainstream. Socially there's lots available. Maybe start by joining some home education Facebook groups.