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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childminder going long distance (ish) with my son....

66 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 09/06/2017 09:42

I have a son who is 3 years old and he goes to a childminder a few mornings a week although today due to unforeseen circumstances he's spending the whole day with her.

I dropped him off this morning, I chatted with the CM as normal and then went to work. He's been going to her for about a year now and she's really lovely.

One of my colleagues also has a 3 year old son who goes to the same CM (it is this colleague who recommended the childminder to me) and when I saw her at work she passed comment about the CM having told her that she was going towards Nottingham with the children today to visit a new Children's Play Centre with attached petting zoo type thing which is supposed to be really good. Nottingham is about a 2.5 hour drive away from where we live.

I was a bit taken aback as the CM hadn't mentioned it to me and I don't know, it just made me a bit uncomfortable.

I know we put our children in the care of the Childminder so we should trust their decisions and actions etc but taking my child 2.5 hours away without even asking or mentioning it just seems a bit off?

Are CMs allowed to do this?

Surely the children should be cared for relatively close to home in case there are any emergencies?

My sister is picking him up at about 6pm tonight so I will get her to casually ask the CM what they've been up to today....

AIBU to feel this is just a bit strange?

OP posts:
Bunbunbunny · 09/06/2017 09:45

That is a bit odd would have expected her to tell you

FlyingElbows · 09/06/2017 09:45

Oh fgs be a big girl and just ring the woman yourself. There's no need for getting someone to "casually ask"!

Pinkheart5919 · 09/06/2017 09:47

It's odd she didn't mention it but I'd have no problem with my child going as if you trust her with your child why does it matter if it's local or at a zoo?

caffeinestream · 09/06/2017 09:49

It's odd she didn't mention it, but if you trust her to care for your son, surely it doesn't matter whether that care happens 20 minutes or 2.5 hours away?

Gardengirl123 · 09/06/2017 09:51

Childminders are allowed to do this. She should have insurance, be in ratio and have have carried out a risk assessment for the outing (this does not have to be written).
I imagine you signed a permission slip for outings when you registered, so she is covered.
However I always let my parents know if we are leaving our town and a estimated time to return. I myself would want to know as a parent, and as a CM it makes me feel safer to know that another adult knows where we should be.

nokidshere · 09/06/2017 09:51

I'm a childminder and would have mentioned it but maybe it just got forgotten because of the short notice situation.

But why would you leave your child with someone you don't even feel able to speak to on the phone?

Just ring and ask!

SorrelSoup · 09/06/2017 09:51

I think it's a great day out but of course she should have discussed this with you. I'd like to know if my dc were in a completely different county to me, and miles from where I thought they were. Actually thinking about it further, I think it's too far for a day trip at that age.

AvoidingCallenetics · 09/06/2017 09:51

I'd feel funny about it too. I think you should know approximately where your child is during the day, as in which town.

I used to be a cm - I would have run this past parents first. I'd like to check that kids aren't travel sick, are okay to do long car journeys. 2.5 hours each way is a lot of time in the car.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 09/06/2017 09:52

I'm not going to ring her because that would just show I'm questioning her, or not trusting her etc - I never phone her to enquire about their plans so why would I suddenly start today?

And even if I do ring - what would be the point? She tells me that yes she's heading to Nottingham and then what? There serves no purpose in me phoning her to tell her I wished she'd told me she was going as it makes no difference to anything and would probably do nothing but cause an unnecessary atmosphere between us.

I just find the concept odd that a CM can take a child so far away without some kind of parental permission?

OP posts:
Bloosh · 09/06/2017 09:52

Ring her. I'd have been horrified to hear my cm took my kid on a 2.5 hour car journey - that's 5 hours in the car.

NavyandWhite · 09/06/2017 09:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NannyR · 09/06/2017 09:53

5 hours in a day is a long time to spend in a car for a little one. Surely there was a similar place closer. As a nanny, the furthest I normally drive is about an hour (unless it's somewhere the children are really wanting to go to and there isn't anything like it more local), I leave longer trips and days out to parents at weekends.

NavyandWhite · 09/06/2017 09:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 09/06/2017 09:54

Thank you gardengirl - that's useful. I probably did sign something to allow her to drive my son around, go on trips etc, I guess I'm just surprised she didn't tell me about it this morning.

OP posts:
Iloveyouthismuch · 09/06/2017 09:55

It might have been nice for her to mention it but I would be delighted if someone took my child on a stimulating outing. Give her a ring if you are worried but maybe don't give her a hard time - especially if you are happy with her in general.

nokidshere · 09/06/2017 09:55

Sorry I just realised she is your regular childminder just doing some extra hours.

I don't see the problem unless she always tells you in advance what they are going to be doing each day. Your permissions slip would cover the car journey.

Mia1415 · 09/06/2017 09:56

My DS used to travel all over the place with his childminder. I trusted her and I knew he was safe.

Surely you agreed this trips etc when you started with her?

Its a bit odd she didn't mention it, but perhaps she forgot.

She shouldn't need to casually mention what he's been doing as surely you have a handover book/ conversation? My childminder also used to send me pictures regularly.

Iloveyouthismuch · 09/06/2017 09:56

God I must be awful! We drove my son to France on holiday when he was 3 and 4.

CrazedZombie · 09/06/2017 09:58

I think that there's some famous stat about most road accidents occurring within 3 miles of home.

Personally I'm surprised that she'd do 5 hour return trip just for a kids play centre.

3luckystars · 09/06/2017 09:59

Ring her. That's your child, you don't need a reason to ring!

Just say that your friend told you she was going to the zoo and you don't want the child spending 5 hours in a car and next time to please tell you because you need to know where your child is.

3luckystars · 09/06/2017 10:00

You can ring her and tell her he is not going! That's your child and he is only 3, you are allowed have limits.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 09/06/2017 10:02

She's probably already nearly there.

OP posts:
caffeinestream · 09/06/2017 10:03

Yes, but if she's already signed something to say she agrees to trips, she can't really back out now.

What does she expect the CM to do? Cancel the day out and bring all the children back home?

Readytomakechanges · 09/06/2017 10:04

I'd have thought 5 hours in one day to be a bit much for a child of that age to spend in a car and would have expected to be told about the trip in advance so I could chose to make alternative arrangements if I didn't want my child going.

What is the name of this place in Nottingham? We visit Nottingham regularly and are always looking for new places to visit.

MotherTroubles · 09/06/2017 10:04

It seems a heck of a long way to go just for a play centre. TBH I wouldn't be too happy about paying for childcare that consists of sitting in a car for 5 hours. If it was a one off and she had something that needed to be done nearby fair enough.

I wouldn't be happy about her doing it regularly or without mentioning it to me first though. Mostly because we live pretty rurally and I'm very conscious about the amount of time my kids are sat in a car to go anywhere.

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