Childminder going long distance (ish) with my son....

[Writerwannabe83]

I have a son who is 3 years old and he goes to a childminder a few mornings a week although today due to unforeseen circumstances he's spending the whole day with her.

I dropped him off this morning, I chatted with the CM as normal and then went to work. He's been going to her for about a year now and she's really lovely.

One of my colleagues also has a 3 year old son who goes to the same CM (it is this colleague who recommended the childminder to me) and when I saw her at work she passed comment about the CM having told her that she was going towards Nottingham with the children today to visit a new Children's Play Centre with attached petting zoo type thing which is supposed to be really good. Nottingham is about a 2.5 hour drive away from where we live.

I was a bit taken aback as the CM hadn't mentioned it to me and I don't know, it just made me a bit uncomfortable.

I know we put our children in the care of the Childminder so we should trust their decisions and actions etc but taking my child 2.5 hours away without even asking or mentioning it just seems a bit off?

Are CMs allowed to do this?

Surely the children should be cared for relatively close to home in case there are any emergencies?

My sister is picking him up at about 6pm tonight so I will get her to casually ask the CM what they've been up to today....

AIBU to feel this is just a bit strange?

It doesn't MATTER that she's nearly there! You're a parent! You have the right to know where your child will be!

What if something happened and you had to get him at short notice? You would have no idea where they were ffs.

Call her and check...then make it clear she needs to let you know!

Also childminder probably had today's trip planned and is doing OP a favour by having her child for extra hours today. Hardly fair if Op then dictates what she should be doing with her day and the other children. Unless ofcourse Op is happy to take the day of work.

I would not be happy to discover my child has spent 5 hours in a car for a day trip. If nothing else, my kids would have slept which means they would be up all night. At least warn me about it!

I don't care if people take day trip to France. We do much longer drives to go to various holidays (longer than 5 hours), but it's our decision, and we organise it so that kids spend days before and after running around and we stay long enough to make it worth it.
I wouldn't put a young child in a plane for hours over a weekend either.

So yes, OP, I would find it very odd not to be told, and I wouldn't like it for the reasons above.

Eh? Give over is Nottingham a 2.5 hr drive from where you live. You've mentioned where you live in the past, it doesn't take that long at all. It used to take about 2.5hrs to get from my house in Gloucestershire to PILs in Nottingham.

Five hours travelling to a play centre seems disproportionate; do you think she has some personal things to do there too? Or perhaps she's meeting friends?

Five hours travelling to a play centre seems disproportionate

Yup. Either crossed wires on what's happening, or she's running a cross-country errand, or she really rates that play centre (??), but it sounds odd. Ask. And ask why she chose Nottingham Place over Place 20 Min Away.

*or wherever is nearer (presumably there is one).

YANBU - it is a bit strange that she didn't tell you.

But I'm also certain it's not sinister, and just slipped her mind.

How long does it take fairy - admittedly I've never been....

I've rang her anyway.....and Oh God the embarrassment!!!!! She told me that she'd mentioned it to my DH last week and he'd been fine about it - the silly Sod had just not told me!

FFS. I wanted the ground to swallow me up! I apologised and said I hoped they had a good day. I felt mortified

Why are men so useless?!?!

Is it really 2.5 hours? If you think she's already nearly there that means they left shortly after 7.30 this morning? Seems like a heck of an expedition. I wouldn't particularly have a problem with the outing but if this is one of your child's normal days how would she have managed to get him back for lunchtime pickup?

Navy you are being deliberately silly. You must know the difference between a minute by minute account of the day, and general idea of what they are doing all day.

I would not be that amused to discover my kids at my local tube station when I go out for lunch (I commute to work obviously).

She's a brave woman, I dread long car trips with my three dc's.

Not sure why she would incur so much petrol costs and go such a long way without it being a "special treat" for some reason.

In fact, maybe it is a special treat. Maybe one of her mindees is leaving and she's arranged a special treat for today for her regular mindees, and the reason she didn't tell you when you asked if your son could have an extra session was because she didn't want you to feel you couldn't send your son.

If she really is driving that far and is paying to get into a soft play with zoo for each child then she really isn't going to make much money from today!

Aahhhh! Faulty husband communication. That should've been a first guess.

I would certainly expect to be told of an outing 2.5 hrs away. What if sonething happened? Car accident, breakdown, falling off a climbing frame and breaking an arm? Yes it could happen anywhere but it's a huge difference if it happens 2.5 hrs away. The cm would phone you, tell you this has happened and actually were bloody miles away.

I'd speak to her when you next see her and say that you would like to be informed of these sort of outings.

I'd be furious if someone took my child 2.5 hours away from me. What if there was an emergency? I think it's really weird to not mention it. You must have child friendly activities closer, it makes me wonder if she's using the time to meet someone.

Oh dear, sorry didn't see your update.

My childminder takes my children on boat trips/bus trips/trains/zoo's/swimming/soft play just about everything you can imagine them doing.

Perhaps I am just a lot more lax - I signed a permission slip saying that she can. So this really wouldn't bother me. My kids are very looked after and well cared for. At pick up time I'm often told that they went to such and such which is fine by me. In school holidays we get a text on the Sunday with plans for the week.

Maybe she thought you knew? Or as it was a last minute plan for her to have your child for the day it slipped her mind.

To be honest I would not be happy with my child spending 5 hours in the car to visit a play centre.. that's far too long.

If she really is driving that far and is paying to get into a soft play with zoo for each child then she really isn't going to make much money from today!

My hopeless DH has already given her the money to cover DS, the parents have paid the entrance fees etc. I've text my DH to tell him what a numpty he is and that he owes me for causing me so much embarrassment

I would have a word with my DH AND leave him in charge of the kids tonight when they can't sleep because they slept all day in the car

Also I don't drive so if there was an accident hours away I wouldn't be able to get to my kid!

With motorways, 2.5hrs away from Nottingham is quite a distance, are you sure it takes that long? We're an hour away and it looks a long way on the map.

Maybe she thought you knew?

If transpired she'd got my husband's permission last week who then forgot to let me know....

Oops missed update! Still think she's mad to do it