To swear occasionally around the DC / to swear when DC are asleep?

[Loopytiles]

DH objects when I (occasionally) swear in front of the DC (9 and 6), eg if I break something or am explaining with emphasis about a difficult situation. For example "shit" and "I was / she was pissed off". (I don't mean "worse" words or swearing AT the DC, or at DH in front of the DC).

He even objects if I swear in discussions in the car when they are fast asleep, or in our bedroom when they are asleep in their rooms.

I think he is U and that objecting every time (eg a sharp "don't swear" or even - this evening when we were alone in our room a sharp "shhh") is controlling.

But perhaps MNetters will disagree!

Does he have some weird upbringing around it by any chance? That is really odd imo hell I even swear when they're awake but in a different room and mines like a parrot atm

Nothing wrong with the occasional word. Though no doubt people will claim to never swear to try and make you feel shit but there you go!

He's trying to break you of the habit, presumably. Not sure it's controlling (people in AIBU love to say EVERYTHING is controlling) but it sounds like you both need to communicate more clearly about this and agree on whether or not you want to swear in front of your children, how you'll handle it if they repeat it etc etc.

Your dh is a cunting twat tell him to fuck off and make sure your kids hear

Whilst we all may accidentally swear from time to time, I do think parents should make a conscious effort to try and avoid it. Encouraging yourself not to swear when away from the children will make it easier when you are around them.

I don't think it's controlling and I think he has a point.

Hee hee, I actually don't sweat except in my head. Never have for some reason, no idea why. But if the children are asleep I don't see why you can't! I talk about stuff I don't want them to hear...

"Break me of the habit"?

It is an occasional thing, eg once a week.

I have explained to him many times that I don't see a problem with occasional mild swearing in these kinds of circumstances. Or any issue at all when they're not even awake! He does, and would like me never to swear, but I don't want to comply with that.

Also, he says those and worse words himself in their hearing when he's wound up about something.

I swear constantly when not around the kids but can switch it off when I'm with them. I say 'bottoms' when I hurt myself and my ds is scandalised.
So yabu to swear in front if them when they are conscious. Yanbu to be pissed off when dh censors you away from them.

I swear in front of my children. Not the worst stuff, but lots of others. I genuinely don't understand what the problem is. They are just words. Hearing them doesn't damage children.

There are plenty of things adults do that children are not allowed to. My son hears swearing at school and elsewhere in the world; he knows he's not allowed to repeat those words, just like he knows that talking about certain other things (poo, death, God..) is only appropriate in the right context. He's 5.

The DC haven't, as far as I know, repeated the words, and they understand they are not appropriate for polite conversation!

I don't swear much generally really.

Sweat?! I do a lot! But swear, no!!! Oh dear...

There aren't many words that are worse than those you use in front of your kids
Swear as much as you like while they're asleep, your husband is being U about that.

I was the youngest child by quite a long way when we were growing up. My whole family swore when I was little. liberally and with force, peppering speech with fucks and piss. I'm now a mother of 4 aged 1-7 and have started dropping the odd 'bloody' or 'pisses me off' and their father gets really cross with me. I don't think it's controlling but does make me want to secretly teach the 7 year old the choicest swear words

I swear infront of my children. Not cunt but I will say shit, fuck, bollocks. They know the rules- I can, they can't, not until they are adults. I never swear at them. I will swear in their presence. Like when I wake up tomorrow and hear the election results I'll say "fucks sake, bloody knew it". It's important for children to know how to swear in context I feel

I think never swearing in front of kids makes a much bigger deal of the use of swear words than is really necessary. As long as you're not swearing at them of course.

I also grew up with my dad and all his brothers and friends swearing every other word, including cunt (but that's less of a biggy here in NI, it's sometimes even affectionate) and both DSis and I were perfectly polite, well mannered children. who knew how to swear bin context

There are loads and loads of worse words than shit or pissed off!

I never swear in front of my kids. Ever.

And I swear like a fucking sailor.

It is horrible to hear children swear. I'll let them keep their innocence. My 5 year old likes to tell me in shock horror that someone said shut up in class

I think the controlling bit is that we disagree, and I've explained that I don't wish to stop occasional swearing when the DC are asleep, and on occasion awake, but he wants to decide for both of us, and persistently "corrects" me.

Whereas on a few other aspects of parenting where we do things differently, he just does it his way and I do it mine.

DC hear and discuss swearing at school.

Oh dear. If he's unreasonable then I'm unreasonable too. It drives me bonkers when DH swears around the kids.

If he's really hurt himself or something really bad and unexpected has happened then I hold my tongue.

And if the kids are asleep and/or in a different part of the house and won't hear then he can say what he likes.

Asleep in the car I object to because DS1 will rouse from most slumbers if he hears the word "chips" so you can't tell if he's listening or not. Unless you preface whatever you're saying with "shall we stop on the way home and get chips?" Just to check if he's properly asleep or not...

Me pulling him up on it drives him about as bonkers as me hearing him do it. There are no winners in this!

I cross posted with your last post but wanted to add in response that we agreed pre-kids that we would not swear around them. In my mind I'm therefore not being controlling at all, I'm just trying to get him to stick to something we had discussed and agreed.

Our DC are deep sleepers so if asleep in the car are very unlikely to wake up.

You might have agreed it pre DC but your H has clearly changed his mind!

www.scarymommy.com/fine-to-swear-around-kids/

Just found this article about an academic who clearly found it too hard not to swear in front of his DC so decided to do research and write a whole book about it!

Makes me feel slack for just posting on MN!

He hasn't changed his mind, he's just found parenthood harder than expected and because he swears so easily he finds it hard to catch himself.

We have had a rough couple of years and life has become harder than we imagined.