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Whats it like not being the fat friend?

38 replies

ferriswheel · 08/06/2017 21:05

Ive not long finished an article in a magazine about a woman who lost a heap of weight because she was sick of being the fat friend.

Made me realise that I'm the fat friend. I guess I also thought about how horrible I've felt lately because of how overweight, frumpy and exhausted I am.

And, how so lovely and clean cut and stylish so many of my friends and acquaintances look.

So, it made me wonder, what's it like not being the fat friend?

OP posts:
ALemonyPea · 08/06/2017 21:10

I am no longer the day friend, now I get called the skinny bitch. You can't win TBH.

ALemonyPea · 08/06/2017 21:10

*fat not day

ClopySow · 08/06/2017 21:12

I was the fat friend, then i was the skinny bitch now i'm the fat friend again. I get less hassle in pubs and my pals don't nick my clothes.

My thin friends are desperately unhappy with their bodies. I'm not.

ferriswheel · 08/06/2017 21:14

When did you stop being unhappy with your body?

OP posts:
Teenageromance · 08/06/2017 21:15

I think if you are naturally slim you just don't really think about weight and food that much. That's the biggest difference. You just don't have to give part of your
Brain over to that.

DaffodilTime · 08/06/2017 21:18

I'm with teenageromance. My weight is something I've simply never thought about and I wouldn't compare myself .
I do feel sad it bothers you though, I have a friend like this and I think it's important she feels happy in herself so have supported her although I thought she looked nice already so it was more for her self esteem. I do think try not to compare and just be who you want to be and you'll be great

CaulkheadUpNorf · 08/06/2017 21:19

Then you're something else. The short friend of the international friend or the blonde friend.

Redsippycup · 08/06/2017 21:20

All our friends are all different shapes and sizes (and ages!) - i can't think of anyone i would call the 'fat friend'. I could stand to lose a bit post baby and so could DP. Some friends are bigger than us, some smaller.

I'm a bit sad that you guys consider yourselves the 'fat friend' and even sadder that your friends seem to too.

Maybe it's different friends you need, not a new body? It's crappy if they make you feel unhappy in yourself. Flowers

If you want to lose weight and they support you that's a whole different ball game, obviously.

peachgreen · 08/06/2017 21:20

I was the fat friend, then I lost a lot of weight very quickly (eating disorder). It changed the way I felt about myself but it wasn't really better for me as I behaved in very destructive ways. BUT there's no doubt that the world treated me a whole lot better - friends and strangers alike. I'm now somewhere in the middle and try not to think about it too much!

ClopySow · 08/06/2017 21:22

In the last year or two, i don't know if it's an age thing - i'm 42 in a couple of weeks.

I just don't give a shit any more. I would never wear really short sleeves, but i was fed up of struggling to find summer clothes that hid my body. I've bought lots of short sleeved tops for work - so fucking what if i have arms like thighs. I've had more compliments in my new summer wardrobe than i have for years.

Birdsbeesandtrees · 08/06/2017 21:23

Generally I'm the butt of gentle jokes about being so skinny. When I went to prom my slightly larger friend refused to walk in with me because I made her look fat.

As it's fashionable to be thin I suppose that's nice but I'm also slim it can be hard to find clothes small enough or that don't make me look ridiculous- particularly professional clothing.

I guess I don't think about it much - it's not true I don't think about food a lot though. I love food and I do have to remind myself it's not ok to eat a family size bar of aero just because it's likely I won't get fat:

ferriswheel · 08/06/2017 21:25

Peach What sort of things happened that were different?

OP posts:
phoolani · 08/06/2017 21:26

I agree with Teenage. If it makes you feel any better, I'm always the weird friend. Took me a long time to come to terms with that, but now I'm happy in myself I have done. All your friends no doubt struggle with their own issues. I don't have a fat friend, either - my friends are varying shapes and sizes and I don't give it any thought and I don't know anybody who does. I don't think most adult women think like that at all.
I did have a fat friend some years ago but she was only designated as such because she never talked about anything other than being fat and weight loss programmes. She made herself the fat friend by never shutting up about how fat she was.

Skinnydecafflatte · 08/06/2017 21:28

I had always been the fat friend, then nearly 3 years ago I lost 3 stone (intentionally) and people commmented I looked good but otherwise I was treated exactly the same.

I don't think anyone really cares or notices really. Maybe I'm lucky and have nice friends but we are all friends because we like each other. Nothing else.

I have now put in 2 stone again but none comments and when I've mentioned it they say they haven't noticed. It's just me that cares about my weight.

ohgoshIdontknow · 08/06/2017 21:30

I was the fat (ish) friend and am now slim.

Slim is so much better - I have so much confidence and am so much happier.

IndianaMoleWoman · 08/06/2017 21:31

I have been the fat friend. I lost six stone but mentally I'm still the fat friend - no confidence, shy, awkward. I think once it's in your head, you'll always be the fat friend no matter what your actual size and weight. That's why I'm so desperate for my daughters to have a healthy body image and relationship with food.

bunnylove99 · 08/06/2017 21:35

OP. I sympathise, but this is something within your power to change, not to look skinny (shallow waste of time!), but to improve your health, energy, confidence and self esteem. If it's getting you down, now might be a good time to change it. I was the chubby friend when I was younger and it ruined my confidence, stopped me doing things I would have enjoyed and led to a really unhealthy relationship with food. I've managed (though it's difficult ) to stay pretty slim as an adult and it's helped on all fronts. It gives you confidence and one less thing to worry about. I wish you all the best with it.

peachgreen · 08/06/2017 21:36

@ferriswheel It was like I'd suddenly become a completely different person. People talked to me more, were more interested in me, I got more invitations to things etc etc. My opinion was listened to more at work. Men who'd never paid me any mind suddenly asked me on dates.

It was a very dramatic change (5 stone in less than 3 months) so a lot of people I didn't see in between which made the change in behaviour all the more pointed.

It was fun but most of the friendships I made during that time were very shallow and I could tell that even at the time.

I put about 2 stone back on and while I'd like to get back to that weight for my health, I wouldn't want to do it so fast (obviously) and I don't think I'd be significantly happier beyond the health and fitness benefits. My DH met me at my highest weight and loves me no matter what.

Dandandandandandandan · 08/06/2017 21:41

No Idea. 20 years of "but you've got such a pretty face" and counting Sad

Grumpbum · 08/06/2017 21:44

I got dumped by my best friend the moment I lost 9.5 stone. She now has another 'fat friend'

Oblomov17 · 08/06/2017 21:44

I have never been the fat friend, or the skinny friend. Just normal, so I must have been the short friend, wierd friend or some other friend. Aren't we all?

GaynorGoodwin · 08/06/2017 21:46

It's actually a nice feeling. I like the fact that (most) things I try on when, without any pulling or stretching (which believe me I have done in the past). Life is far from perfect but at least I'm not fat as well.


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RedStripeIassie · 08/06/2017 21:49

I'm the short friend Smile. The one who people actually ask when I stopped growing and if I have to buy my shoes in children's shops.

I was so jealous of my taller, larger and bigger breasted friends at school. It's all comparative.

PolaDeVeboise · 08/06/2017 21:52

I'm the biggest in my friendship group but I am in no way considered the 'fat friend' (and none of the rest are labelled either). We all contribute to the group and enjoy each other's company, regardless of personal appearance.

daydreamnation · 08/06/2017 21:53

I've always been the 'skinny' friend. In my experience the biggest thing for me is the assumption from the rest of my 'gang' that I must always feel a million dollars because I'm a size 8 Hmm
On a night out we meet up and I am the one who never receives a single compliment about my hair/dress/nails etc Everyone else is met with a barrage of omg you look amazing, wow have you lost weight etc For years I presumed I looked like shite (I do have some hot friends!) until somebody pointed out that apparently I 'don't need compliments'

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