Whats it like not being the fat friend?

[ferriswheel]

Ive not long finished an article in a magazine about a woman who lost a heap of weight because she was sick of being the fat friend.

Made me realise that I'm the fat friend. I guess I also thought about how horrible I've felt lately because of how overweight, frumpy and exhausted I am.

And, how so lovely and clean cut and stylish so many of my friends and acquaintances look.

So, it made me wonder, what's it like not being the fat friend?

Oh and my sister in law once told me that I didn't stand a chance of ever being anyone's bridesmaid and that if I'd been bigger I would have been her first choice!! Please tell me she is unusual?!

Pressure to always be the slimmest friend

I don have any fat/skinny/weird/blond friends. I just have friends

We're all different shapes, sizes, ethnicities, but it would never occur to me to label them in that way.

@ferriswheel re. how people treat you differently when you are thin(ner):
thisisthinprivilege.org/

daydreamnation, your SIL sounds nuts!

Take evil pleasure that if she was so jealous of your body shape that she wouldn't have you as her bridesmaid, you would still have been the exact same body shape and still been present at her wedding, and I'm guessing in a very nice outfit, so you'd still be driving her batty!

My best friend told me once that she has a floating two stone that she has gained and lost several times since we left school (30 years ago). I don't think it bothers her unduly and is related to her stress/happiness levels. I've genuinely never noticed because she is extremely attractive and the wisest, most perceptive person I have ever met.

IVe always been the thin friend and I've been called: bulimic, anorexic, ill etc. I've been invited to coffee and cake mornings but made to feel bad about eating cake because 'I'll probably throw it up later anyway' or shoved two cakes because I certainly need the weight. When I order cake for my teams events, I've been accused of 'what do I know about cake - I don't eat any!' It's not nice being this side of the fence let me tell you.

Disclosure - I eat tons of cake and sweets.

It can be hard to move on mentally cant it. In my teens (talking about age 15) I was about 2st heavier than my best friend so definitely the fat friend. The gap narrowed a bit as I lost some weight as I got older and she put on a bit. I was then definitely the fatter one for a bit, I was briefly thinner after having my kids (o the joys of breastfeeding) but now although height/weight wise we are fairly similar, I am 3 or 4 inches taler and about a stone heavier, I would say that I have the edge again and am the fat friend. Doesnt' matter though we have still been just as close however much sizes have changed, its just my mental perception of being the bigger one that I dont really like.

I'm the fat friend and hate it. I love my friends to bits but always feel self conscious when we're out. We've just booked a big holiday next year together so really want to lose weight by then. I'll probably never be as slim as them but want to feel a bit more confident

This is a very interesting discussion. When I was a young woman, I wasn't 'fat' but I wasn't physically attractive - no boobs, bad teeth, massive nose etc. My friendship groups were of a similar level of physical attractiveness and this was very much recognised in the hierarchy of school, university, parties etc. But we were clever and funny and interesting and had fun, so although there were moments of feeling inadequate, in general my confidence wasn't destroyed.

I have a friend, more physically attractive than me, carries a bit more weight, who mixed more with the 'pretty, popular' crowd and always felt herself to be the least attractive girl in her friendship group and that has definitely damaged her self esteem.

So, I do think that being the 'fat friend' is a horrible place to be. Being georgeous would be lovely, but as we can't all be that, I think being average in your social group would be fine.

It's actually a bit shit once you get over 20 and don't care about boys. Some of my dearest and most wonderful friends are what would be considered overweight. I do not give one single shit and I love them. But I feel crap that I may make them feel a bit crap.

Does that make any sense?

Daydream - my two bridesmaids were my best friend and my sister, a size 6 and 8 respectively. Didn't bother me in the slightest.

I was the skinny friend and my friend was morbidly obese. My only issue was her always talking about being overweight and hard it was. Lots of talk about how things must be so easy for me because I was skinny.

Actually I exercised and didn't eat 3 chocolate bars in one sitting or an entire jar of Nutella with a spoon, in one go. None of that would have bothered me if she didn't go on about it so. It's quite annoying to be told how lucky you are all the time when it's really a result of the work you've put in.

I'd say not being the fat friend is the same as any other friendship if you allow your friend to think/talk about anything other than your weights.