..for getting offended at my in-laws referring to my son as 'heavy' yesterday?

[americantrish]

..because his cousin (who is 3) is only like between 26 and 28lbs.. and ds is 2 3/4 and is 32lbs. (ds is 3"3', a good 2 inches taller than his cousin.) no one made a peep about ds's weight until his cousin came around to dh's mum's and then it was like 'oh calvin, i didnt realise how HEAVY you were' or 'ohh! you're a heavy boy!'

(by the 3rd, HEAVY comment, i finally remarked he is a good height/weight for his age and the HV has NO concerns as he's recently been height/weight checked.)

(that shut them up.)

i was about to burst beneath my skin!!!

you'll always have somebody making some or other comment.

the cousin's mother is probably fed up about the comments she receives about her DS being small.

FWIW my DS2 is about the bigger than your son by a long shot - probably weighs about 36lbs (31 months old). He is tall and big built but not fat.

Don't let these comment phase you - I doubt they were said with any malice.

Isn't heavy considered a compliment to our parent's generation? You know, the whole bouncing baby boy thing.

as much as i do like dh's family, they do tend to be a bit insensitive about weight related comments. (its come up before about making remarks about ds's weight when he's never been overweight, eats well and is super active!)

true.. about the cousin's mom... but NO one made one comment about him being SMALL.

no malice, but certainly insensitive. :I

i think these days, someone sees two kids close in age, the bigger one is HEAVY. and must be overweight. (and none of this helps my own issues with food, weight, etc!)

no wonder i wanted to leave then!

woulnd't bother me - DS2 is "heavy" by anyone's standards......he's not chubby or anything, just heavy boned and weighs a flipping ton.

I have to confess with both my boys having been "heavy" I'm often doing the opposite to friends when I pick their children up......."OMG he's so LIGHT"...............because to me they are - they're like they're made out of candyfloss

My son has quite a lean body but takes after his dad and has a bigger build than my family, my mum constantly refers to him as CHUNKY...sod her I think he's beautiful!

grumpygirl> i SO want that attitude. sod them. (even though i know ds is lovely and healthy.)

DS is always called heavy. Let's face it, he is bl**dy heavy. He likes his food and I think seems to be naturally stocky...

We had a thread about this a few days ago, which prompted me to put some photos of ds on my profile. Everyone always comments on him being fat, chunky, heavy - whatever. It really pisses me off, they never say what a gorgeous smile he's got, or what brilliant blue eyes.

Although, I do think that shonaspurtle's got a point, to our parents' generation, the heavier, the better.... it may have been meant as a compliment!

it wasnt a compliment. not by a long shot. the comment wasnt made by dh's mum (who raised 5 children as a single mum.) they were made by a childless relative. :I (dh was out of the room for most of them, so he didnt hear them.)

Ah Squonk was just thinking of you and Nemo when I saw this thread.

I comfort myself with the fact that if DS gets gastroenteritis or goes off his food for a few days he is not going to waste away.

TBH I usually get in there first and say "he's heavy" before handing DS over to anyone.

Mine are both heavy. Much heavier than other children their age. And taller too. And yes, people comment on it. So I do I.

My ds could be your dss cousin. ILs are always on about how different all the boys in our family are.

I couldnt really give a toss about what they say or think. I certainly dont think for a minute they are critisising any of them, just taking an healthy interest.

Its the mindless sort of baby/children chit chat people have. I think people are too sensitive about things like this at times.

I've got to say Sqounk (in a slightly deranged fan kind of way) I think your ds has a gorgeous smile, and in fact looks beautiful in every way. So does yours, AmericanTrish. But I also have to say Squonk's ds looks very similar to my ds1, and I myself call him chunky and heavy. He is. He's a big big boy. But one look at his father and you can see why (bears a remarkable resemblance to Martin Johnson who was captain of England rugby team). It doesn't irritate me at all when people say he's big, they're just stating the obvious, but I can see that it does irritate dh - I think because he had all those comments when he was growing up (and even now, people still remark on his build - it's a bit like people telling pg women how big they are!). Because of this, whether the comments irritate or not, I think they should be discouraged because I don't want my dses growing up with the same self-consciousness.

lol, was this another mother's day reunion? Bet there were insensitive comments aboundingyesterday. Apparently gorgeous dd (10 months old with perfect eyesight as far as one can tell) has inherited her great grandfather's weak right eye? (according to mil) Based on what evidence? and it's surprising that I'm still bfeeding!

Thank you 2happy. I wouldn't mind so much if anybody ever said anything else about him, iyswim. It's like it is the thing that defines him and in actual fact, it isn't. I can totally see where americantrish is coming from - it feels like a comparison and your ds is coming out wanting, even though it probably is not meant that way.

Fwiw, Americantrish, I think your little boy is gorgeous and he has a very cheeky smile

madmarchhare> dh's family already knows i'm sensitive about weight comments. it's come up before. and after 3 remarks, i feel a bit justified to have gotten upset! (even though i hide my emotion on my face.)

thanks for your compliments, 2happy and squonk

it was a mothers day reunion, pomegranatessparkle! dh's family lives 2.5 hours away in leicester area.

words like 'heavy' might as well be fat at the end of the day. and i was called fat as a child (a young child, as far back as i can remember, which is probably around age 5) - and that has affected me to this day. i WONT let that happen to my son. and next time its mentioned, i will stand up for it a bit better. i didnt want to make an issue on mothers day and certainly if the comments on him being HEAVY continue, i will have to keep making the point to STOP them.

awww squonk! your ds' are lovely!!

If they are aware then yes, its a bit insensitive, but really though, you shouldnt worry about it.

By the way, your ds looks gorgeous on your pictures.

madmarchhare> its been mentioned to them before when things like this have been said about ds. i try not to worry about it, but easier said....
thank you

Trish have now also looked at your pics. DS is goooooorgeous. Does not look fat at all anyway. Just very handsome.

awwwwwwww thank you, bigcook!!

trish, my parents (particularly my mum) can be insensitive when making comparisons - though I have to say they are usually in favour of ds and "critical" of my nephew! They say things like, "oooh, isn't ds lovely and calm, not like dn" . I blimmin well hope they don't say it in my db's hearing! We (my mum and I) are going down with ds to stay with db after Easter and I can already hear the comparisons ... argh

Weight is such a sensitive subject - regardless of whether the speaker knew how hurt you were by such comments as a child, it's just not appropriate to comment on a child's weight (and particularly not your ds, who is just "normal"!). I do feel for you

hi miaou yeah thats another thing that is often pointed out about ds, how he's "hyperactive" "doesnt sit still like his cousin/other toddlers".

i dont think they really understand how much it bothers/hurts me. next time, i will make sure i mention it, tactfully.

thanks..xx