To wonder about this gesture

[Poisongirl81]

My stepmother has offered to pay for private school for my son if he can get in. He's already been accepted to a state school. He is very very bright so I do see the benefits. My issue is we aren't wealthy I'm not....would he struggle as everyone is rich and a different social circle? Do you think for an exceptionally bright child it would benefit him?

I've spoken to him and said it's his choice. He sees advantages to his education but doesn't really want to leave his friends.

Interestingly we've just made the opposite decision for our DD - because she is very bright we don't feel she needs private school for secondary as high achievers do just as well if not better at the local state school. I can see the huge advantage of small class sizes and more focussed teaching for children who find it harder.

I've been to both private and state, went to state, got into private and left after a few years to go back to state.

Most girls (all girls school) were lovely, welcomed me, they were all young and normal kids. But! Differences around money were very clear. No bullying as such but lots of "daddy said he'd buy me a new designer bag if i get an A"
"I'm going to France in summer this year instead of the bahamas"
"Oh poor you!"
Which left me (raised by a single mother in a rented council house with plenty of debt) amused to say the least. I did think less of them because of the silly privileged things they would say.

You should also consider the "optional" extras (note, not really optional AT ALL)
School trips, fayre donations, sporting uniform ect, extra tutoring, music lessons, and the school donation.

I did find the more you donated the better the teachers treated you. And you do get letters asking every year so that can be a pressure.

But what did it for me was the enormous academic pressure, girls were self harming and taking drugs to try and cope with the stress, crying their eyes out and threatening teachers if they got a B grade. You were also fully expected to be preparing for university. And a good one at that. It was horrifying if you said you didn't want to go and you did get looked down on for going to an "easy" one! Teachers were constantly on your case about it because it would ruin their 100% further study rate!

Haha! Even if an adult said to me now "I'm so sad I can only go to France and not the Bahamas" I would guffaw in their face!

You will be too late for this intake so he would be looking at a year in state school anyway

You needed to apply ages ago to go for this September

Exactly this, DS was on the waiting list from aged 6 months, many people think private schools will take any children as long as you've got the money, it doesn't work like that children can get decline for the smallest reasons.

zzzzz I think the horrid ones were the girls moaning about a holiday in France with no regard for the situation of those around them.

I have told her we won't be taking her up on it. Thanks for all the advice

OP

Could you ask if you could put the money towards something other than school fees, such as academic holiday workshops / tutoring/ extra curriculars?

Good decision. Had your daughter grown up to discover that thousands of pounds had been ploughed into her brother's education, and not hers, because he was considered "very very" bright and her not, it would have been a minefield of resentment!

Ahh zzzz. I am not moaning to anyone, I think you are confused.
Talking about where you're going to on holiday and being commiserated with that you are only getting to go to France this year are two very different things. I would suggest if you can't see a difference then you lack a certain emotional intelligence.

Private school does not mean a better education. It may, depending on the choices you have in your area. Or it may not. People believe if they pay for things then somehow its superior in every regard. This is patently not true. I suspect your daughter would benefit more than your son from smaller class sizes etc. Though round these parts private schools have large class sizes as well. Bright kids tend to do well regardless. Parental expectations have a large part to play in keeping them motivated.

Zzz it didn't happen to me!! I commented on another poster's post. Unless you mean the vast amount of pain I've experienced since first posting on this thread, I may have missed the sarcasm. Let's all just have some and move on.