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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby Change in Women's Toilets

50 replies

gandalfspants · 04/06/2017 18:07

Inspired by the changing rooms thread but I didn't want to derail.

Yesterday DH travelled with DD (8 months) on a journey of 3 hours. He stopped at a services and needed to change a pooey nappy. The baby change was inside the area designated as women's toilets (but not actually within sight of any of the cubicles, sort of in the corridor leading towards the cubicles, but the walls are different colours so it's quite obviously considered part of the women's toilets).

He looked for the baby changing for quite a while, before asking a member of staff, who said something like 'You go into the Ladies' and it's on the right', while he took to mean he was allowed to go in to change DD.

No-one said anything at the time and I didn't think anything of it when he mentioned it other than being annoyed that once again it's assumed that the baby/child will be accompanied by a female at all times (I've sent feedback to the management company already).

Toilets are modern, clean, and look fairly recently refurbished so no excuse there, this could be solved easily by repainting a bit of wall and moving the signage so the women's toilets more clearly start past the point of the baby change.

Reading the changing rooms thread and recalling past threads about toilets I'm wondering...

WHBU to take DD to the baby change in the women's toilets?

OP posts:
harderandharder2breathe · 04/06/2017 18:16

Given there was no alternative then HWNBU. It would have been far more unreasonable to leave a baby in a pooey nappy for the rest of the journey.

I would hope that anyone who saw him realised immediately what he was doing, assumed that was the only available place to do it, and carried on with the rest of their day.

Pinkheart5919 · 04/06/2017 18:24

If it's the only changing available then I don't see how anyone could object tbh, I mean a baby can't stay in a pooey nappy.

It is a poor design really to only have baby change in women's toilets, either put it in both men & women's toilets or have a separate change room like they do for a disabled toilet

Dingalingalingaling · 04/06/2017 18:26

I suppose a problem with that is while he knows why he's in there as well as the staff, any women using the facilities might not realise and be offended. Its happened to me in the past, the only facilities being in the female toilets. Its also the same registering with Mumsnet - when looking through my profile it automatically has assumed I'm female, and it doesn't ask you what gender you are when signing up. As if only women want to use a parenting site.

Trifleorbust · 04/06/2017 18:30

He had no option other than to use them.

unicorn5629 · 04/06/2017 18:32

This happened to my DH in a well known hotel chain. Baby changing only in female loos. When he asked a member of staff they asked him why his "wife couldn't change the baby" - I was queuing to check in but totally not the point. I'm assured that after a small stare off between them, said staff member stood guard outside toilets to make any ladies he was in there and his purpose ! Most unfair, baby changing facilities should be accessible to all !!!

unicorn5629 · 04/06/2017 18:33

*aware he was in there

Cakeisbest · 04/06/2017 18:47

He's not going to see anything he shouldn't in a ladies loo, is he - we all use cubicles for goodness sake. You often see signs to say the ladies loos are cleaned by a male attendant so you waltz into the general area and do a double take as there is a man there and think you must have wandered into the mens instead. Are we all getting an attack of the vapours if a man sees us queueing to use the toilet!

Original poster
gandalfspants · 04/06/2017 18:54

Dingalingalingaling that's what I was thinking. He's not always as aware of the fact that his presence in a female space is problematic as he could be (and in all honesty neither was I until I joined MN), I guess he doesn't realise that some women find men in general threatening/triggering.

In future do you think he should get a member of staff to escort him? Or do you think that having a carrying a baby makes him non-threatening enough.?

Also what should he do if the baby change is actually in the toilets where the cubicles are?

I suppose he could have changed her in the car if he absolutely had to.

OP posts:
M0stlyBowlingHedgehog · 04/06/2017 18:54

I don't get this "he had no option but to use them" thing. Presumably he had a changing bag with changing mat - I have changed my baby (many years ago now) on a toilet floor on the changing mat when there wasn't a pull down changing table. I've changed him on the grass in parks when there wasn't a changing table. Yes, they're convenient, but you don't actually need one.

Original poster
gandalfspants · 04/06/2017 18:59

M0stlyBowlingHedgehog

I've changed her on toilet floors as well, but she's pretty wriggly these days and I don't think I'd want her being on the floor in the men's especially, what with the urinals and the likelihood of someone with the inability to aim having been in there.

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 04/06/2017 19:00

M0stlyBowlingHedgehog

That's up to you. Some people prefer privacy when changing their baby and I have no issue with their using the ladies' if the facilities don't provide a unisex babychange.

peukpokicuzo · 04/06/2017 19:06

It's really crap for any business to ony supply baby change facilities in the ladies. However, if a business has done so then it is completely correct for a man who needs to attend to a baby's needs to use those facilities regardless. He shouldn't resort to using a mat on the floor as if the facilities don't exist - they do exist and it isn't his fault that the business premises was designed by sexists.

Applesandpears23 · 04/06/2017 19:07

My partner was escorted into a ladies toilet to change a nappy in a hotel. I think if more fathers did this then more businesses wpuld make appropriate arrangements for Dads.

Original poster
gandalfspants · 04/06/2017 19:09

He's just said his second choice would have been on a table in the adjacent Costa in protest, which I imagine would have spawned a whole other AIBU.

OP posts:
HermioneKipper · 04/06/2017 19:10

The national trust have baby changes in both the men and women's toilets which I'm always quite pleased by - even though it shouldn't be a shock in this day and age!

Ummbopdoowap · 04/06/2017 19:13

He didn't do anything wrong in my opinion, but the service company did. They need to update their facilities.

I am against men in women's changing rooms/toilets in general but consider this is a valid exception.

FrancisCrawford · 04/06/2017 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Triangularsquare · 04/06/2017 19:14

Definitely NBU. As a nice antidote, I was in a pub today where the baby change was in with the Gents (or through the same door at least - the sign said "Gents and baby change", I imagine the baby change probably wasn't actually in with the urinals) while the Ladies was on the other side of the pub.

BuzzBuzzBuzzLightyear · 04/06/2017 19:18

I had the opposite experience in a local branch of M&S. I was a fairly new mum (DD would have been less than six months) and not confident, and we had a poonami situation.

The only baby change was in the men's toilet. Like you had to go in through the door marked gents and there was also a cubicle, then the urinals were through another door.

I found it really intimidating. Men would walk in, see me and walk straight back out again, mercifully.

John4703 · 04/06/2017 19:18

Imagine if it was reversed and the only baby changing was in the Gents? As a Dad who has changed as many nappies, or probably more than my ex DW I feel that both man and women need access to baby changing facilities.
Changing in the car still eaves a smelly nappy to deal with and no place to wash hands or bottom.

Dingalingalingaling · 04/06/2017 19:19

Perhaps the door needs to be signed 'ladies and baby changing', and a sign on the men's directing any men with babies to change to the ladies' and baby changing room.

Dingalingalingaling · 04/06/2017 19:21

Or, maybe an alternative to make a point would be to get the changing mat out and change the baby in full view of the queue of people waiting to check in.

Morphene · 04/06/2017 19:22

I don't think you DH did anything wrong and he doesn't need an escort!

This kind of facilities issue used to drive my DH mad too. Bullshit sexist society.

SayNoToCarrots · 04/06/2017 19:27

I never understand why many women don't have an issue with this - it means if you are out as a couple you end up being the only parent responsible for baby changes if the man feels (fairly enough) uncomfortable entering the female loos.

Trifleorbust · 04/06/2017 19:30

SayNoToCarrots

I definitely have an issue with sexist facilities.