To be a bit disappointed on my birthday

[Bearsinmotion]

Birthday today. Not a big one. DP got up with DC2, gave me homemade cards from them both. Nothing from him, he's "been really busy", and thought I wouldn't mind.

Supposed to all go swimming together this morning, but he decided he didn't want to go, if I didn't mind. Just texted him, he doesn't want to go for lunch as he's "not feeling great."

So now I've been looking after the DC (5 and 2) solo all morning while he has stayed in bed. If I say anything I'll just get "I asked if you minded..."

AIBU to think it is fucking obvious I would mind not getting a present and spending the entire fucking morning on my own? It just feels like an extension of the "mental load" debate, he's abdicating responsibility by asking if I mind, because I'll look like the unreasonable one if I do object :(

You need to be more honest. He asked if you mind because he thought you probably would mind (correct) but you said you didn't mind (lie) so he went with it.

Say what you mean and mean what you say. Life will be less complicated for you.

Happy Birthday

Perhaps your partner doesn't make a big deal out of birthdays. OH doesn't and he needs a gentle reminder when family birthdays are approaching as he is terribly absent minded and doesn't remember birthdays. Birthdays aren't important to him so he doesn't "get" why they are to other people. He also has a birthday close to Christmas (just after) so I guess that the presentfest from Christmas makes a birthday presentfest not very special.

I would have done exactly what you have, and told him "if you don't want to celebrate my birthday I will", then don't make a special effort for his birthday.

Isn't it that if we make a fuss it's because we want a fuss making for us?

So, surely what you can take from this is that he isn't fussed about his birthday, so if you do nothing he won't care?

Is he ill? If so, I'd give him a break (and it is normal to be well the day before you're ill, so not sure that proves anything). If he's just pulling a fast one, try being incandescent.

Dh did this on Mother's day once. We never make a big deal but usually a card and token from dd plus a lunch or breakfast in bed. He did nothing and 'couldn't be bothered' to go out for lunch. I told him I was disappointed but it was minimised. So, I did the same on fathers day. Funnily enough, he has stepped up for birthdays and mothers day since.

Go home, tell him m yours sorry he is ill but as you've had a shit Birthday as a result, what's he going to organise to make it up to you? Or if there's something you want to do next weekend specifically tell him.

Happy Birthday OP.

He is out of order. The clue is in the title Birthday. Day of birth. It's not called 'when I can be arsed day'.

I don't agree with those that say you should have said out straight that you did mind. If you did, and he came along, you would know he didn't really want to be there and so there would likely be resentment on both sides.

I always think it's shitty when the person closest to you in the world can't be bothered making a bit of a fuss on your birthday. They have 364 days notice every sodding year - no-one is that busy!

Happy Birthday OP - enjoy your shopping and treat yourself to a glass of wine while you're out.

Thanks wish, that's exactly how I feel! Petty or otherwise Fathers Day will be minimalist this year!

Happy birthday! All women need to start saying exactly what tbey want.

OH minimises Mothering Sunday as well. If I didn't sort out a card for him to send to his mother she wouldn't get one. Sometimes I think he is in a world of his own. Mothering Sunday is a bit of a non event for me so it becomes a non event for OH. The difference is that he doesn't care anyway, so minimising father's day won't make any difference.

I do agree most of the time that we have to ask for what we want. Communication is important and being assertive not passive aggressive is more effective.

HOWEVER, it's a dick move. It just is. Saying, "do you mind if I behave like a bit of a selfish cunt on your birthday?" isn't a question you should ask. He knows it means the OP either has to suck it up in front of the kids to be the better person, or make a fuss and therefore look like the selfish one.

I assume he's well aware that the OP wanted a present and some family time on her birthday. He just chose not to give her that. And wants her to have to ask for stuff, therefore looking unreasonable. Dick move.

Make your life easier and if "you mind" tell him!

I hope that you buy yourself something gorgeous and expensive - spend the money that you might otherwise have spent on Fathers Day, his birthday and Christmas combined. Make sure that his parents and your parents know about his poor attitude - my MIL would be sure to have a very stern word with my DH about such a poor show.

Is the bloke genuinely ill? Did he get sunstroke yesterday? If he's honestly off colour, leave him be, but not getting nothing for the day is shit and I'd be thoroughly pissed off.

I love the assumption OP would be cooking tea on her birthday.

Happy Birthday op
Feeling sick or not he could have got a card and a small gift. Did he make the cards with dc or did they do them with someone else? If he did them I'd be a bit more forgiving but if he didn't then he's a dick
Hope you enjoyed your shopping.

You see "not feeling great" translates to me as "cant be arsed ". Lucky's suggestion is perfect