To be honest that I don't want to date him because he's got a child

[user1496429410]

I'm not a natural Mother. It took me years to bond with my own child and I'm no longer the resident parent as I just struggled so much. I now see my son every weekend and we have a great relationship.

I could never be a step Mum. I'd be unable to love a child that wasn't biologically mine and I know to put myself in that position would be completely unfair.

I'd be jealous of his ex, annoyed if I was asked to be in the sole care of the child, annoyed when the child came over to stay. It would be unfair. I've seen so many of my friends date and even marry single dads only to really resent their step children.

I met a lovely guy and he is really in to me. He seemed perfect on paper but on our second date he told me he had a 4 year old son.

I didn't show anything but a positive reaction and thought I'd give him a chance.

After the third date I realised I just don't want to date someone with a child.

I have a child myself and have been told by men they were interested at first but don't want to date someone with a child. I always understood even if it is hurtful. Being a lone parent myself, I don't expect anyone to accept my child as I could never be a step mum.

I've been single since I left my sons dad years ago.
So would you be honest about the reason?

I really enjoy his company and would genuinely love to stay friends. We live near each other and have sons the same age.

I'm not sure if that would be something he'd want though.

It's best to be honest.
My sister never wanted children. Growing up she was very clear even as a teenager about not wanting children, and when she got married her husband felt the same and she had her tubes tied.
They ended up splitting up but my sister was very clear with future boyfriends (including her current partner) she didn't want children. He did want children but wanted to be with her more than have children.
To all our surprise, after a few years with this guy (and no pressure from him) she changed her mind and they had IVF and she gave birth to my nephew. She kept working full time and her partner became a full time dad and the situation suits them.
I'm saying this because you don't know how life will turn out. But if you don't want to date him because of his son, but you would like to stay friends then you need to be honest with him and let him decide what he wants to do. Honesty is the best foundation for any type of relationship.

Agree with the others, be honest with him & see if you're able to maintain a friendship.

I think you have to be honest. He may be willing to be a friend, he may decide he would rather not, but at least you'll have done the right thing and made it clear how you feel. Far worse for everyone to continue without saying anything. That could be very hurtful for everyone.

I would tell him why so he doesn't think it is a solvable problem and keep asking you out.

Yep, another one here who completely applauds your honesty. I would be the same, there's no way I'd date a man with kids.

For the posters who are surprised that he didn't mention the child in the first date there is solid advice when dating that you don't advertuse the fact you have children. It stops paedophiles targeting you.