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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm starting to find it harder and harder to not say something!

57 replies

Bigblug · 04/06/2017 09:25

My paternal grandparents are right wing foreign hating typically council (although you wouldn't believe It, as they seem to think they're descendents of the queen) now, I understand the animosity to an extent, especially in the aftermath of a terror attack. But thinking back over my childhood, I can't remember a time stupid racist comments weren't made. Now we have Facebook and it's all written in print. 'Send them back' 'they'll never be British' and this isn't just aimed at Muslims, they're very inherently white supremacy. We don't speak. We had an unrelated falling out over my dad's affair and subsequent behaviour towards me and my sister's.
With every post I want to post ahem... 'What about me and my sister's then?' Because the skeleton in our family closet is somehow, my dad ended up being mixed race. Which means that, me, my sister's and my dad are not fully 'British' in their eyes and I can't help that their hateful rhetoric will soon be backtracked once I bring up this point. It's one of those things we've always been aware of, but no.one talks about it. Isn't that nice?

OP posts:
Runny · 04/06/2017 10:49

I think by the term 'typically council' the OP means very working class origins but have forgotten where they came from, and have very right wing views.

I know a few people like this. Very depressing.

MargeryB · 04/06/2017 10:57

With your Dad's heritage this is all a bit odd. You can either confront, or ignore, you do have the choice, but I suspect the lashing out publicly is some kind of defence mechanism around some kind of event after they married where there are negative feelings, so I would have more leeway than otherwise.

Original poster
Bigblug · 04/06/2017 10:58

Dear God I can't say anything right on this thread can I.
They are alcoholics, their health and their lifestyle attests to that. They are football louts, they quite often cause trouble around football, with others or amongst themselves. Seen it with my own eyes. Nothing to do with Hillsborough.

Jesus wept.

OP posts:
boolifooli · 04/06/2017 11:01

I was turned off at 'typical council'.

DonaldStott · 04/06/2017 11:05

Typically council???? You sound just as prejudiced.

I am working class as in I have to work to keep a roof over my head. I come from a working class family. I am friends with working class people.

So what is 'typically' council? Do you mean working class? Because if you do, I do not know any of my friends or family who hd the same views as your grandparents.

They sound like racist pigs and not typical of people I know who live in council houses (which are practically non existent as the stock was mainly sold off to housing associations)

Original poster
Bigblug · 04/06/2017 11:11

Apologies were made for a rash judgemental comment.

OP posts:
rizlett · 04/06/2017 11:14

But might it be because of this skeleton in the family cupboard that they are so outspoken on the topic op?

Like you, I'd find it very difficult not to say something - and if they fall out with you - whats to lose?

toconclude · 04/06/2017 11:23

If people really think that mildly classist comments and statements about people's actual habits are really comparable to race-hate, they need a serious reality check, IMO.
OP, make a comprehensive rebuttal then block.

pipsqueak25 · 04/06/2017 11:46

everyone should move on from the 'council' comment as OP has admitted it was clumsy so..
As for the stupid comment about tory and brexit supporters being stupid and thick, you pass judgement on people who you know nothing about and i personally wouldn't want to know about you either as you come across as bigoted.

dinosaursandtea · 04/06/2017 12:58

Oh, FFS. Let's not pretend there isn't a massive problem with racism within the white working class.

Lemondrop99 · 04/06/2017 13:02

A lot of my cousins and aunts who are in their 60s post this crap on Facebook. It's weird because they are relatively normal in real life and I was shocked they all engage with this rubbish. Doesn't seem much point challenging them, you can't argue with stupid. I don't have to see them frequently so I just unfollowed them on Facebook. I sometimes wonder how I'm related to such people, my mother would have been appalled at her sisters' attitudes.

HoldBackTheRain · 04/06/2017 13:13

pipsqueak you don't get to tell everyone that they should move on.

OP jesuswept

That's exactly how I felt when I read your comment.

wtffgs · 04/06/2017 13:18

They sound vile OP

Ignore all the whingers who are trying to pick fights. I'd have to say something and go NC.

fakenamefornow · 04/06/2017 15:00

As for the stupid comment about tory and brexit supporters being stupid and thick, you pass judgement on people who you know nothing about and i personally wouldn't want to know about you either as you come across as bigoted.

If that's directed at me then actually I was talking about people I know very well indeed. They are, and have always been, racist, love Teresa May and think because the (slim) majority voted for Brexit, they have been proven right about their views and that people who voted the same way as them agree with them. The fact that you don't like it doesn't make it any less true.

TidyDancer · 04/06/2017 15:24

They're out of order but they probably think the same way you do about 'typical council' types. They don't see the impact their words have. I get that you've apologised but it does rather sum the attitude up. Stereotypes continue because people still think they can casually throw around comments like that. If prejudice like yours was challenged each time like it's been done here, you'll go some way to preventing some of it continuing as generations age.

Livelovebehappy · 04/06/2017 17:22

Just don't communicate with them on any level tbh. We are surrounded by many people with different views to our own, and you're not going to able to control everyone's opinions or views, so all you should do is just ignore them, and mix with people who share your own views and values. Nothing else you can do really.

DotForShort · 04/06/2017 17:36

With every post I want to post ahem... 'What about me and my sister's then?'

Why not just post this? Or ask them directly? I know you would be opening a can of worms but it might be worth it.

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 04/06/2017 17:55

They've probably detached you from their views. The way racism works is that groups of people are dehumanised and are seen as stereotypes or as "other".

If you confront them they will probably say "We don't mean you" and "it's not the same". I've got cousins on both side who are bi-racial, it doesn't stop some family members being racist because they've separated them from the targets of their views.

Spangles63 · 04/06/2017 18:48

What does 'typically council' mean? Are you implying that if you live in a council property you must be a racist?

IntheBenefitTrap · 04/06/2017 18:55

How bizarre. I was privately educated, am a teacher, don't drink, can't stand football and I live in a council house. I can't be "typically council" then.

IntheBenefitTrap · 04/06/2017 18:55

I'm also very liberal.

Redhead17 · 04/06/2017 18:59

My Nan enjoys a good old they've got all the council houses etc etc

I remind her she wasn't born her, she is also an immigrant, she also has a council house that the tax payer funds, everyone needs some where to live.

So you're saying my Nan is an alcoholic football lout?

Original poster
Bigblug · 04/06/2017 19:03

...eh?

OP posts:
MariafromMalmo · 04/06/2017 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Zucker · 04/06/2017 19:06

How can no one in the family ever have asked how your father was born mixed race? Does your father know OP?

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