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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit pissed off at DMs rudeness about me not eating meat?

68 replies

Notevenwensleydale · 03/06/2017 19:59

At the start of the year, I stopped eating meat. I'd been thinking about doing it for a while and decided to go for it. However both DP and my 16mo DS still eat meat and I have absolutely no objection to it, or to cooking it for them either. I did it partly as I wasn't a big meat eater anyway, party for ethical reasons and partly just to see if I could. I have no intentions on preaching about animal cruelty etc to others, and never have done, even though I feel that way personally. I still eat fish and I really really don't feel that I'm being 'awkward' or 'fussy' to anybody, it's my choice and I don't push it on anyone else- it's really not a big deal to me.
But my Mum! She comments every time we go round things like "I have no idea what to cook you now you're vegetarian, why on earth would you want to give up meat?!" I tell her I'll eat anything that isn't meat! Happy to eat fish, or anything Quorn or Linda McCartney etc. She's absolutely perplexed by the idea of it all. Last time we went round for a buffet, I didn't ask her to do anything special for me and was happy to just eat things that just happen not to be eat meat- salad, garlic bread, crisps, potatoes etc. But she made this big song and dance about how she'd bought this quiche especially for me so I best be grateful, and it looked to everyone else there that I'd been making awkward special requests about a quiche (I'm not even that fussed on quiche, but obviously ate it).
Today was similar, they had a BBQ and yesterday I got a text asking me if I would like some Quorn pepper steaks she'd seen in Asda. I was shocked as this seemed to be against her hatred of vegetarianism! I was going to bring my own food but was grateful and said that would be lovely. When we got there she told everyone she'd 'had' to buy special things for me and make extra effort and that it was 'ridiculous' that there were such things as Quorn steaks. I offered her a bit to try and she turned her nose up and went "urgh no thanks!" She also made a big bowl of cous cous especially for me but then went on to say that no one else liked it. I'm grateful she made an effort to accommodate me but I didn't expect it, and would rather it without the comments every time.
Is it just me who finds this really odd behaviour? I rarely mention it and am happy to just fit it around meat eaters as not to inconvenience anyone with MY choice. It doesn't define me, it's just food

OP posts:

SaveMeBarry · 03/06/2017 22:27

Snickers Yes the stupid hypothetical situations people come up with to test you, like you're supposed to say you'd give your own life for the rabbit/chicken. I was vegetarian for 15 years, pescatarian for @ 10 now and I generally answer questions like that with "well of course and in a life or death situation I also wouldn't rule out cannibalism..." Generally shuts the idiots up

sizeofalentil · 03/06/2017 22:42

My mum used to be the same. She does it for drama/attention I think.

She says that vegetarian sausages should be made illegal because vegetarians have 'made their choice'.

This is also her argument for why lesbians shouldn't be allowed dildos.

Teatimebear · 03/06/2017 22:52

*Some people take other people's choices as a threat or derisive comment about their own. They then get (aggressively) defensive.

See also: teetotalism, being a SAHM/WOHM, breastfeeding and formula feeding, etc*

This 100%. People assume, when you've made a certain decision for yourself (our your family), that you are necessarily looking down your nose at them and their decisions.

Freyanna · 03/06/2017 22:52

I have not eaten meat for the 23 years I have been with DP, however his DM always acts surprised! Asked me last month if I could eat chicken (no).

I now always take my own meal to heat up in the microwave, or a tin of tuna to have with the other veg.

BeeFarseer · 03/06/2017 23:01

sizeofalentil, thank you for making me (and DH, when I read it out to him) snort with laughter.

KurriKurri · 03/06/2017 23:06

My MIL was like this - if I had a pound for every time she said 'do you eat chicken, chicken's not meat' to me, I'd be looking for a tax haven.

Apocalyptichorsewoman · 03/06/2017 23:07

Size Sorry but lol at your mum! 😊

Ravenblack · 03/06/2017 23:11

PMSL at anyone who thinks a person who eats FISH is a vegetarian, and that FISH is not meat!

😂😂😂

AlmostAJillSandwich · 03/06/2017 23:12

I genuinely don't get the difference between meat and fish. You said yourself it is partly to do with ethics, so how is a fish less unethical to eat than a land animal? Plenty are farmed and live in awful conditions, something like 25% or so die before they even make it to being killed for food because of how toxic the living conditions are in little ponds filled with their own waste. Even wild caught suffer terribly, they may live a "free range" life, but they then get scooped up in massive nets, the ones at the bottom get crushed by the weight of the others and then they are suffocated to death. They suffer just as much as land animals that are bred for food, so it isn't a more "ethical" choice to eat fish not "meat". Absolutely agree with a PP, flesh is flesh, if you think it's so wrong to eat one type of flesh you're a hypocrite to still eat another type of flesh.

MrsLupo · 03/06/2017 23:13

wensleydale, I am in almost exactly your position - in fact, I could almost have written your post word for word. I don't think it's even about martyrdom. I have had bad reactions from people I barely even know, who want to ridicule my (not very radical) food choices under circumstances where it really doesn't affect them what I eat at all, e.g. we are all choosing sandwiches from a takeaway, and I choose something veggie when once I might have chosen meat. People have made comments about how I must be fading away now there's hardly anything I can eat (I'm really, really not!). It's bizarre. I can only conclude that these are people who, for whatever reason, experience my food choices as a criticism of theirs and feel defensive despite my not having any view at all about what they are eating or why. It must be very wearing to get this from your own mother on a regular basis. Do you have the sort of relationship where you can talk candidly about how irritating her attitude is?

Original poster

Notevenwensleydale · 03/06/2017 23:13

Nobody has said here that people who fish are vegetarians here raven

OP posts:

Original poster

Notevenwensleydale · 03/06/2017 23:13

Who eat fish*

OP posts:

llhj · 03/06/2017 23:19

God the righteous vegetarians are boring. We all know what the Op meant so just bugger off and stop being so annoying.

Original poster

Notevenwensleydale · 03/06/2017 23:19

almostajill the point of my post really wasn't to justify what I do and don't eat- that's my point, I don't make a big deal out of it, I don't criticise what anyone else chooses to eat- it's my personal choice. I said 'party' due to ethics as I do agree with you and I know that if I went ahead full steam with the ethics thing I'd be completely vegan, and not pescatarian. I'm not the most radical non-meat eater and I stopped eating it for a number of reasons, not just for the cruelty thing. I really don't want a lecture on animal cruelty to fish- I'm not lecturing anyone for eating meat. The whole point of my post is that it's each to their own.

OP posts:

Original poster

Notevenwensleydale · 03/06/2017 23:36

mrslupo it's strange isn't it! It's when people act like it somehow inconveniences them when you're not actually asking them to do anything different. It would be more understandable for people to critics if I was ramming my choices down their throats and boring them all with my preachiness( a pet hate of mine- not just with food)! Yer I agree that because I have decided not to eat meat she rolls her eyes and thinks I'm judging her etc or have a problem. If that was the case I certainly wouldn't encourage my toddler to eat meat or cook it! My dad has said similar things tbh- but he did happily try the Quorn steak today and said it was nice! I could probably tell her not to be like that but she's a bit closed minded on things that she doesn't believe in, so I doubt it would really hit home, she'd just say she's only joking and that I'm being daft.

OP posts:

Ravenblack · 03/06/2017 23:42

PMSL at how someone thinks fish isn't meat, and then tries to backtrack on what they've said even though it's there in black and white.

😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😆😆😆

Pinkheart5919 · 03/06/2017 23:47

Some people are really odd about this.

It's not difficult to provide food that isn't meat so I don't get all the fuss. Buying a cheese quiche instead of a meat one-not hard. Buying a quorn steak instead of a cow steak-not hard. It's not like it really puts someone out!

Maybe your mum is just one of them people that can't understand that someone might not want to eat a cow or pig

Original poster

Notevenwensleydale · 03/06/2017 23:48

PYSL? Glad I've given you a laugh then Raven . I've not backtracked on anything whatsoever. I've consistently said since my OP that I don't eat meat and I do eat fish. They're technical names given to groups of food, be arsed with your lecturing you're boring me cue quoting only parts of my posts out of context

OP posts:

BreconBeBuggered · 04/06/2017 00:29

Oh dear. Whilst I'm fully on board with the fish is meat argument, having been vegetarian for the best part of 40 years, in this instance I think picking on the OP for 'only' giving up meat isn't any less annoying than her DM's stance on the subject.

pinkyredrose · 04/06/2017 13:42

brecon I couldn't agree more.

AlternativeTentacle · 04/06/2017 13:50

She says that vegetarian sausages should be made illegal because vegetarians have 'made their choice'.

Which part of an animal is the sausage? Sausages are bits of animals made into a sausage shape; or bits of veggies made into a sausage shape or sometimes both.

justkeepswimmingg · 04/06/2017 20:14

I don't eat meat either, but I'm not a vegetarian. I just don't like the taste and texture of meat!

MIL has a problem with this, and makes a big song and dance about buying me special foods when she offers to make us dinner. I always say not to worry (eg a roast dinner, il have it without the meat). There has been occasions where she hasn't catered me for at all. She did it once when I was heavily pregnant, at a family BBQ, and we had to leave after 30 minutes so I could get some dinner. She only provided meats (burgers, sausages, etc), and knew I wouldn't eat it. She also thinks it's rude when I bring my own food (so she doesn't have to cater for me), and will say she has food for me when she doesn't . She took us to a restaurant that had no veggie options a few weeks ago (apart from chips). That was fun evening of her side eyeing me. I don't understand why people have such problems with it, I get the dirtiest looks from her when it comes to food!

shinyredbus · 04/06/2017 20:24

Your mum is being difficult OP. A few years ago i made a conscious effort to buy only free range food, and told my mum. 5 years on, whenever i see her, she still makes a song and dance about how 'special' i am and how she has spent a fortune on organic food (even though i always say i will pay for all of it) I only see her once a year as she lives in another continent!

pinkyredrose · 04/06/2017 20:26

just does she not like you? I'd give up eating with her, neither of you seem to enjoy it.

Neolara · 04/06/2017 20:35

A slightly different perspective...

When I became veggie nearly 30 years ago, my mum (who is great) was similarly perplexed and to be honest, slightly hurt. What it came down to, was that she saw feeding us (me and the rest of the family) as an act of love and in her eyes, me "rejecting" her food became confused with me rejecting her love. Yes, I know it sounds nuts, but that's how it felt to her. Food (and feeding someone and being fed) is often not just about the food.

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