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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not want to 'chat'?

84 replies

oldfatandstressed · 03/06/2017 08:19

I am the headteacher of a local school. Each Saturday I take my kids to football, and stay to watch (DS is 4). Unfortunately 3/4 of the school attend sessions too. I just want to be a mum and watch my kids, but the parents of others seem to use the time as a chance to talk about their children- like a mini parents evening, asking me how their kids are achieving and whether they are above average or not. I have politely tried to say "sorry, I'm here to watch my kid, if you like I can see you on Monday etc' and now there is a group of parents who are campaigning against me saying I am unapproachable and unfriendly. To be clear, I don't mind chatting but just not about school issues. AIBU?

OP posts:

weatherbomb · 03/06/2017 08:52

my son's HT used to come to watch them play most weeks. Everyone chatted but not about the children & their education. Another onecwho is approachable & friendly but has professional & personal boundaries.
I wouldn't worry about the clique mums personalky. I'm sure they wouldn't be too pleased if you were chatting about their little genius! They need to learn some boundaries imo.

KERALA1 · 03/06/2017 08:53

Ridiculous points being made on this thread.

It's anonymous there are thousands of schools with headteachers with football playing sons.

My parents both senior teachers and can well believe ops op why doubt it?

Odd. Sympathy op but then sil is a gp and has to endure fils questions about his waterworks over Sunday lunch.

Helloitsme88 · 03/06/2017 08:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Chloe84 · 03/06/2017 08:53

I see that now Away

ProfessionalPirate · 03/06/2017 08:54

I though hello was saying she was a head teacher too, the way her posts were worded.

Chloe84 · 03/06/2017 08:55

Hello next time, just report the post, don't troll hunt.

It's against site rules. People will report your posts for troll hunting.

Helloitsme88 · 03/06/2017 08:56

I fully stand by what I say.

KERALA1 · 03/06/2017 08:57

Reported the thread?! So essentially anyone in a senior well paid professional job is fair game, should be able to deal with any situation life throws at them and is certainly not entitled to anonymous support or to canvass views on a reputable website. Well done you hello

BoysofMelody · 03/06/2017 08:57

Sorry but I find This hard to believe. Due to confidentiality and data protection you cannot discuss a child so progress outside of school and to make an appointment. I just don't believe this at all

You clearly don't know any teachers, it happened to my parents (both teachers) all the time. On one memorable occasion a parent tried talking SATS with my dad as he was swimming in the local pool.

milkmoustache · 03/06/2017 08:58

Good grief, how many HTs are there in the UK with kids playing in a local football team? Quite a few, perhaps?? I really struggle to see how this post is 'identifying'.

Lanaa · 03/06/2017 09:00

I thought the same about Hello. She's rude and obviously hasn't got a clue. Ignore her OP.

Similar things happen all the time. I went to Parkrun a few times last year; the only local one that is flattish is equidistant between my school and my house. It was full of parents who thought it appropriate to ask about their DC. Even parents of children who I've never taught.

There's no confidentiality law that stops teachers from discussing children outside of school. Especially to their own parents. For this reason no supermarket, shopping centre and football stadium is safe!

theclick · 03/06/2017 09:00

That's BS, nothing to stop other mum's asking how your child is doing. One parent and my DN's school has been outcast because she asked other mum's at the school gates what marks their kids got in some tests. It did not go down well. (She's known as being pushy).

theclick · 03/06/2017 09:02

Oh sorry COMPLETELY misread OP is the headteacher...sorry!!

BoysofMelody · 03/06/2017 09:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ballerinabelle · 03/06/2017 09:03

Find out what they do for a living and bore them senseless about it.

I am tax specialist and f**k me if one more person asks me to comment on their personal tax affairs I'm going to scream. I just tell them that I've not clocked on and tell them the going rate for tax advice. I know you can't do that but turn the table and start questioning them on what they do for a living.

sonjadog · 03/06/2017 09:04

I´m a teacher and this happens to me regularly. I also answer like you do - contact me on Monday and we can set up a meeting/ have a chat. I also say I don´t have the details with me (which I don´t), so can´t discuss the details right there and then.

Fortunately the vast majority of parents understand that I am also allowed time off work and would never bother me with school questions, or they are a bit embarrassed when they realize what they´ve done.

milkmoustache · 03/06/2017 09:04

Goddammit, Boys, you cracked the case!! Quick, delete everything!!

Trifleorbust · 03/06/2017 09:12

Just keep repeating, OP: I'm here to watch my DC, very happy to discuss this during school hours if you would like to make an appointment.

Some people are rude. You aren't doing anything wrong.

Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 03/06/2017 09:19

I was thinking more of the fact the OP says parents are 'campaigning' against them, whatever that means! That seems like quite a specific issue perhaps not best aired on a public website.

But hey, if the benefit of Mn wisdom is high enough...

Trifleorbust · 03/06/2017 09:24

Not sure why people are so worried that this might be 'outing'. Even if people do realise who the OP is, isn't that her issue to deal with? Parents who are happy to campaign against their child's HT in public can't really complain that she asks for advice about in public, can they?

AwaywiththePixies27 · 03/06/2017 09:45

Indeed. Can you imagine the scenario when we saw our HT shopping if this is the case?

Pixies DCs: "Hello HT".

HT: "Sorry Pixie kids. Can't talk to you. Confidentiality and all that".

I was just relieved both my DCs weren't bloody scrapping / bickering as usual when we bumped into them!

diddl · 03/06/2017 10:09

" now there is a group of parents who are campaigning against me saying I am unapproachable and unfriendly."

Surely that's quite identifying?

Seems odd that they are doing that just because Op won't discuss their children's school progress-they must realise that that's asking too muh?

Ravenblack · 03/06/2017 10:46

Yep OP, just say can't discuss as it's out of school time. And turn away.

user1493759849 · 03/06/2017 10:59

I see no reason why this isn't true.

user1493759849 · 03/06/2017 10:59

I see no reason why this isn't true, and just because someone is a head teacher as the OP is, that doesn't mean she doesn't encounter issues with parents, and doesn't struggle with what to do occasionally. Newsflash; teachers are humans too! (Even HEAD ones!) And like other posters on here, I have seen things similar to this happen when my kids were at school too. And yes, doctors get it, so do pharmacists, dentists, lawyers etc etc etc. (And many other professionals, and tradesmen; people expecting free advice, and even free treatment/free advice/free work.)

I do think though OP, as the head, you do need to be more assertive. Who has started this campaign and who are they addressing it to? You are surely in a position to ban these people from coming to the sports nights, or at least threaten to ban them. YOU are the boss here.

To @helloitsme88 How would you feel if people on here said they didn't believe you are a head teacher, and that YOU are making THAT up?

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