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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not want to 'chat'?

84 replies

oldfatandstressed · 03/06/2017 08:19

I am the headteacher of a local school. Each Saturday I take my kids to football, and stay to watch (DS is 4). Unfortunately 3/4 of the school attend sessions too. I just want to be a mum and watch my kids, but the parents of others seem to use the time as a chance to talk about their children- like a mini parents evening, asking me how their kids are achieving and whether they are above average or not. I have politely tried to say "sorry, I'm here to watch my kid, if you like I can see you on Monday etc' and now there is a group of parents who are campaigning against me saying I am unapproachable and unfriendly. To be clear, I don't mind chatting but just not about school issues. AIBU?

OP posts:

Chloe84 · 03/06/2017 08:41

Didn't think there were many headteachers that young but Google tells me youngest HT in the UK is 27.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 03/06/2017 08:41

As head teacher with many years of school experience and parents and management I am surprised that the head hasn't been able to manage it in a firm authoritative way that puts a stop to it without upsetting the parents that they feel they have to start a vendetta against her

Some parents are upset if you look at them the wrong way! You don't have to do much to upset the cliquey mums, apart from not give a shit and fall over yourselfs thinking you need to make an effort to fit in. I say this as someone who went through hell at a different school with some teachers so I'm not bias. But to think it doesn't happen is a bit naive. One staff member was on maternity leave once, had other DC in school, picked other DC up and a parent had a go at her for not wearing her usual ID! She wasn't bloody working and people really are this batshit.

Helloitsme88 · 03/06/2017 08:41

But Chloe what has my age got to do with it. Are you 33?

Squishedstrawberry4 · 03/06/2017 08:41

You could also put something in your weekly/fortnightly/termly information sheet to parents. Something about being available between 8-6 term time time to discuss any concerns and please ring or book an appointment. No issue is to small.

Secondly - stand strategically at school drop off and school pick up, so you can say hello to passing children and parents. The least approachable heads I know hide away in their office at this critical time. Make yourself available and welcoming. Use names.

Helloitsme88 · 03/06/2017 08:42

Well I just find it bizarre that a headteacher would come on mumsnet and write about something on a public forum that it so outing

Original poster

oldfatandstressed · 03/06/2017 08:43

Thanks for the feedback- when I asked others, I got a mixed bag of responses. Some feel that I am 'on duty' whenever I am out. I have been firm, but friendly, just started doubting myself.

OP posts:

picklemepopcorn · 03/06/2017 08:43

I'd try a very standard but cheerful, "No talking work at the football! Have you got a holiday booked?" type approach.
"I'm mum today, not head teacher!"
"Can't help, sorry, I'll get in trouble with little Billy if I talk 'work' on a family day!"

Keep it bright and cheery, no eye contact because you are fixated on your DS.

SmileEachDay · 03/06/2017 08:43

Chloe why are you guessing ages?

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 03/06/2017 08:44

Helloitsme88 why, are head teachers not allowed to ask for help? Need support? They should be all-authoritative, all-knowing perfection should they? God forbid they should be on an anonymous forum and ask for inspiration. Why are you on a forum? To patronise everyone?

Chloe84 · 03/06/2017 08:45

Yes I believe it happens. What I'm finding hard to believe is the head is finding it hard to manage in an appropriate, professional way and has come on mumsnet to ask about it.

Well you've deviated rom your first post, but ok.

OP is telling parents politely that she can arrange to see them on a school day. That is managing the situation in an appropriate, professional way. She has not posted identifying information so it's for her to post on MN.

Helloitsme88 · 03/06/2017 08:45

They should ask for support from their school and governors. Not a public forum when it comes to their job. No.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 03/06/2017 08:45

Yes be cheery

Helloitsme88 · 03/06/2017 08:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 03/06/2017 08:46

The least approachable heads I know hide away in their office at this critical time.

That's true squished. The HT at the last school, their nickname by the parents was 'the apparition'. Their uncanny ability to disappear and not be able to be findable at either drop off or pick up was exceptional.

Current schools HT stands on gates in the morning and says good morning to every single child. Still wouldn't dream of approaching her regarding school matters in her personal hours though.

Chloe84 · 03/06/2017 08:47

Because I could just as easily tell Hello that I don't believe she is a HT because of her age.

But I wouldn't. Just as she shouldn't tell the OP she doesn't believe her because she has posted on MN about her issue.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 03/06/2017 08:48

Or yes blame the kids 'Sarah will tell me off if I talk about work when I'm out of school. I'll have to sit on the naughty step later'

Helloitsme88 · 03/06/2017 08:48

I never ever said I was a head teacher .....

ProfessionalPirate · 03/06/2017 08:49

Well I just find it bizarre that a headteacher would come on mumsnet and write about something on a public forum that it so outing

You don't know it's outing. OP could have altered a few key facts to make it less identifiable, as posters often do.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 03/06/2017 08:49

Well I just find it bizarre that a headteacher would come on mumsnet and write about something on a public forum that it so outing

It's not THAT outing though is it? Many HTs are parents. Many HTs DCs will be using the same facilities as the school parents DCs. It's a given that the OP is not the only HT to have this problem each week!

If you don't believe it/suspect it. Just use the report button. It's what it's there for!

EezerGoode · 03/06/2017 08:50

My dh is a police man...no way would he police in our town,and risk arresting his locals/friends...would all be to close for comfort.i think that is your problem op.they are to close for comfort..

Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 03/06/2017 08:50

I disagree this isn't possibly identifying, I wouldn't think this is that common a situation and given it could massively inflame it if one of the mums saw it (quite likely), and is very unprofessional to discuss work issues on here, I would go with deleting this thread if you get the chance OP

It doesn't matter what MN thinks, it matters that the head is thought of as professional and this thread would undermine that.

Chloe84 · 03/06/2017 08:50

When you said 'As a Head, I find it hard to believe...' I thought you meant you're a Head.

If you're not a Head, then you have even less cause to question OP.

Chloe84 · 03/06/2017 08:51

^to Hello

AwaywiththePixies27 · 03/06/2017 08:51

Chloe to be fair to Hello they never said they were a HT.

With the reference to the years as a head they we're talking about the OP not themselves.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 03/06/2017 08:52

*were

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