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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be confused about consent

68 replies

goldfish1102 · 02/06/2017 23:07

Would it still count as an assault if you had consented to some sexual activity but not something specific but the other person did it anyway?

OP posts:

TheFrendo · 02/06/2017 23:55

As I understand it, if someone continued after you said stop, you have withdrawn your consent.

e.g. If you consent to try * and then say stop, consent has been withdrawn.

Contact rapecrisis
rapecrisis.org.uk/

Milktraylover · 02/06/2017 23:57

You didn't consent to what he did. End of. I have a fair idea of what he did. Can I just say that's really dangerous for someone to do that and without going into detail can cause real damage internally especially in the situation you were in. please get checked medically and please get yourself safe. A pp has posted some really great numbers. I think everyone here would really like to know you are safe.

Original poster

goldfish1102 · 02/06/2017 23:58

I'm quite safe. Thank you. it was digital not anything else but still hurt.

OP posts:

WorldsacpeLove · 02/06/2017 23:58

If you consented to having sex and then you changed your mind and said stop, he should have stopped.

If he didn't then you did not consent to it.

PeaFaceMcgee · 03/06/2017 00:14

Ah, digital makes no difference - any normal person doesn't just slip a finger up ya bum without at least first asking if you're ok with that kind of thing!

PeaFaceMcgee · 03/06/2017 00:15

Did he stop when asked?

Bunnyfuller · 03/06/2017 00:18

If an erect penis goes into any part of you without consent, it's rape. Please look after yourself

thecapitalsunited · 03/06/2017 00:18

If you didn't consent then it's sexual assault. It's not right. My DH always asks me if I'm happy to be penetrated with fingers or his penis. Every single time. That's what consent is. Not trying it to see if you protest.

I believe you.

Bunnyfuller · 03/06/2017 00:21

If it was digital it was assault by penetration. You can google for the full piints to prove etc

Ikillallplants · 03/06/2017 00:24

I believe you too. So sorry you are going through this. You will get through it though, us women are stronger than we realise.

Beelzebop · 03/06/2017 00:25

Hey OP, I haven't got anything mind blowing to add I'm afraid but I'm so sorry. Absolutely right that it's assault and horrid. You poor thing. An ex did similar to me, and it's so awful xxxx.

YourWinter · 03/06/2017 00:38

Yes, it is assault. It is not ok, not by any stretch of the imagination, for anyone to assume they can use an invasive procedure on any part of your body for their gratification unless you explicitly want them to.

Milktraylover · 03/06/2017 00:42

As everyone else has said it is still assault and a violation. Please seek help even if it's anonymously, just to talk to someone. Obviously the best thing is to report but that's easier said than done. Please seek RL support. And please if it's a relationship, seek to remove yourself. He has no respect for you or your body and his behaviour is deplorable.

Funnyfarmer · 03/06/2017 10:25

I'm going to be hard and cold now op.
Getting taken seriously for this legaly won't be easy.
It would depend on how aggressive it was. Ie was in gentle or more forced in?
Wether he stopped when you asked?
Being violated itsnt about the act it's about how it made you (your friend) feel.
I seriously hope this isn't a long term relationship were talking about her and your friend can just ltb.
I'm not saying don't seek criminal justice. I'm just saying it might not be looked upon as a serious sexual assault.

PurpleDaisies · 03/06/2017 10:41

It would depend on how aggressive it was. Ie was in gentle or more forced in?

Ffs. Totally irrelevant. If it was a non consensual act it doesn't matter how bloody gently they did it.

Being violated itsnt about the act it's about how it made you (your friend) feel.

I disagree with that too. The "act" of being violated can leave you physically hurt and at risk of pregnancy and/or stds.

If you'd bothered to read the thread you'd have seen the op asked him to stop and they didn't.

Funnyfarmer · 03/06/2017 18:06

If you had bothered to read my pp's. You would no it was me who asked if she asked him to stop! I also gave alot of sympathy to op.
The "act" we're discussing here. It's not possible to leave anyone pregnant or with std's so why don't you rtft probably before handing out stupid emoji's and trying to cause tension on someone eles obvious sensitive thread!

harderandharder2breathe · 03/06/2017 18:24

Definitely assault. You didn't consent, you said no, stop and he didn't.

Even if you had consented, the moment you say stop consent is gone and to continue is to assault you.

Trifleorbust · 03/06/2017 18:56

"Stop" - you said you didn't want him to do it. Of course it was assault.

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