To be confused about consent

[goldfish1102]

Would it still count as an assault if you had consented to some sexual activity but not something specific but the other person did it anyway?

If he was told to stop and he didn't then it was an assault. You had not consented you had expressly refused.

Rape Crisis: rapecrisis.org.uk
National Domestic Abuse helpline (open now): 0808 2000 247
And, of course: 999

i couldn't read and run. It sounds like you have been assaulted. I'm so sorry. Hugs and hope.

Did he stop?

I'm fine. Sorry. Just needed to get some stuff clear.

Oh jeez nope that's definitely assault . Also if someone is told at any point to stop and they don't then its rape or assault. Beyond that its repulsive and disgusting that someone was told to stop and that they were causing pain, and yet they still didn't stop.

Consent can be withdrawn at any time during an act. Or you can consent to some things and not others. If you withdrew consent (by telling him to stop), and he had a believed that you did not consent and carried on, then yes he has committed an offence.

An awful, abusive thing to do. Nobody in their right mind would suddenly go there with no prior verbal agreement unless they were an utter bastard.

And if he carried on after you told him to stop then it is certainly rape.

Sorry should read 'he had a reasonable belief that you did not consent..'

Hope he had a condom on

You're ok OP. But no, it's not ok. And we tell ourselves over and over that is really, kind of, was. But it's not.

I'm sorry. It doesn't matter if he did or he didn't. It shouldn't have been there in the 1st place. That act requires specific permission and a lot preparation. To just go wading in is horrific!

And I'm very liberal.
The act itself can be enjoyable for both parties. I'm very experimental. But my dp would NEVER think that gives him unlimited access.

I suspect I know what he did to you, from the fact that it hurt, and I'm so sorry this horrible thing happened to you. Please use the link that a previous posteer gave and stay away from this person, if possible. If you're in a relationship with them it still isn't consent. It doesn't matter if you're into s&m, kinky sex, dress up or you've agreed to it before (not that I'm saying you are), as soon as you say "stop", "it hurts", try to stop it or show signs of being in pain, then it's assault or rape.

Think about your future
If there is a possibility that you could be pregnant, initially deal with your feelings about this.
That would be the most important impact of this..

After that. Consider how much attention,if any, he gave to you, when you said "stop"

No chance of pregnancy, it's ok.

It's not okay. Something happened that you didn't consent to, and that is not okay.

I believe you.

It is an assault, I hope you are OK and in a safe space now, preferably not alone. One thing you might want to consider is contacting the police and explaining what has happened. They have a duty to treat you with respect and have specialist officers and depending on what has happened they may take you to a SARC. Another option you have is contact your local SARC directly but without a police referral this may not be available to Monday, but might be Google your nearest. This is a specialist medical centre for sexual assaults. SARCs if you want can collect evidence of sexual assault and store it for upto 6 years, without police being involved. Some people do this so evidence doesn't disappear while they decide what to do next. Again all staff are sympathetic trained nurses/specialist crisis workers. You also have women's aid which is 24 hours helpline or rape crisis to help you decide what you want to do next. Whatever you decide this is not your fault and you have been assaulted.

It's definitely sexual assault. I've helped someone to report the exact same thing (asked to stop because it hurt but their partner didn't stop, just carried on). There was medical proof of why she was in pain from the act

If you asked him to stop, and he didn't stop, then that is not consent.

That is not OK.

That is very much not OK.

Do you need support numbers?

Consent is not a blanket concept when it comes to sex. It has moved away from no means no to yes means yes. Specifically this means that even if you hadn't said no, if you hadn't specifically said yes, then you haven't consented.

In the situation you describe, anything unexpected, unwanted and objected to is assault.

To try and be a bit more specific, for example, I am in a long term relationship. I have had sex with my husband many, many times. I have a slight kink for being held still. Just because I consented to that last week, doesn't mean I consent to it tonight. I can consent to kissing and oral but say no to penetration. I can say yes to piv but no to anal. I can say yes to Piv and no to oral. Or whatever combination I want (and don't) at any given time. DH cannot assume that because I kiss him he can have more. He cannot assume that because I said yes to something a month ago, that I am consenting today.

Consent is fluid, but in your case, appears (to us) quite straight forward. You consented to something, the person you were with did something else that you didn't consent to. You made it clear that it hurt and explicitly asked them to stop and they didn't. There is nothing vague in that, it was assault. Sorry OP

goldfish very sorry to hear this. Hope you get the help you need.

Do you think you told him to stop (whatever) and he continued regardless?
If so...Obviously he is wrong and on wrong side of the law.

If, for example, you "agreed" to one thing (let's for example's sake say "one thing")
And he went ahead and did another thing..
This is still wrong on his part!
Regardless !

An disagreement so strongly on your part, you must get professional help x

I remember having sex with former partner doggie style and without asking, he tried anal. I was furious and it bloody hurt.