Would you go to the wedding?

[Weddingcrasherz]

Invited today to eve reception, wedding is tomorrow.

Would you go?

No one will think that or care. That's your anxiety talking. If your partners been invited I'd be more inclined, if you want to. That's the key point. Put aside the worries about what people thing etc; do you actually want to? There is no right answer here, just go with what you honestly feel. Either option is completely fine

What will happen if people do say that? I mean it wouldn't be said to you, it's unlikely they would as they'd all be enjoying the evening hopefully and those all dayers even more so (extra drink, talking about the food and ceremony etc), even if they did it would be a fleeting thought and the evenings events would be lasting ones.

All I'm saying is if people did think it was odd, how would that actually affect you? It's hardly hot gossip for the office, you would be unlikely to hear it (I don't mean you should be thinking people are saying it if you don't hear it but that does it matter?). If anyone actually did say anything you just say "yes, got a let invite and just came to wish them well" or something.

No one will hurt you, it won't have a knock on to your work, it's not worth taking the mick out of especially if you don't get out much.

I'm sorry if this sounds patronising, it's just use the CBT stuff I would be asked to think about in a similar situation.

That people will be saying 'oh wedding and her dp turned up in eve, i didn't know they were invited'

I have never been privy to anyone else's invitation list. Nobody would think this for more than a fleeting and quickly forgotten second.

I don't know why what people think is so important to me!

Because you have anxiety: the end. May not be real but doesn't mean the feeling isn't valid.

I think I'm a bit oversensitive because in the past i have actually been invited to events out of pity/ guilt (not a wedding though I'll admit) and other people have said to me when I've turned up that i wasn't really expected to go. Which has been upsetting. It's like when people say pop round, but they don't really mean it. I'm a bit literal and according to others it seems like i don't always get social cues.

I don't think that's a pity invite, I think perhaps they were touched by the gift and wanted to say thank you. I didn't invite people to our wedding when I liked them but I thought I wasn't that close to and it would be weird for them to get an invite from us, even though I thought they were great - if any of them had surprised me with a lovely gift I'd have been very happy to realise I should extend an invite to them.

I think you should go. It would be good for your confidence and you would get to see your colleagues outside work which could stregthen your working relationships. You said it is informal so you should go and not overthink the late invitation. Maybe the couple didn't want to put people under any pressure to get them gifts and then when you did anyway they wanted you to come and share their day. You should go and enjoy the social occasion!

I think you were invited out of politeness because of the gift, so no I wouldn't go.

I would take the lead from the other gift givers who have all politely declined and are not going.

Go if it's easy to get to and you say DH seems to be happy to go too. You'll be representing the people who gave the gift. If it is near enough you can just swan in and enjoy and leave when you feel uncomfortable.

I've been to and enjoyed several weddings where we were evening invitations and suppers where we were last minute invitations - if I was free and could do it wouldn't mind.

It's not too far, in fact i think of the gift givers we probably live the closest. If we did go it would be a couple of hours and go, and one of us will drive (neither of us are big drinkers anyway) so we can go for a bit and head off before the end if we feel awkward.

I'd go, if they didn't want you there, they wouldn't have asked you, gift or no gift.
Pop along and if you feel uncomfortable leave, bet you have a good time.
And less embarrassing than being asked on Monday why you weren't there by the 10-15 colleagues who will be there.

And it's a gorgeous day, worse case, get a drink from the bar and sit in the grounds with your dp.

Go and enjoy :)

Your husband is invited so it's not as if you'd have to arrive alone & look for someone to join in with.

Give it a go-you can always leave & go elsewhere or home!

If it's stressing you out this much, don't go. Say thanks for the invitation but I have plans. And do something that you want to do. Stress over and the bride and groom will be none the wiser.

I'm sure they have the best intentions inviting you.

I would assume they invited me because of the gift and unfortunately be busy tomorrow evening. Like you, I don't want to muscle in where I'm not really wanted.

I'd go, but then I like a party and could find something to wear that I already own. It's not far and they've invited your DH as well, if it's shit, show your face and come home again!

I'd go. You have said there'd be plenty of other people there you know, and that your partner is happy to go too.
Why wouldn't you, is more my thinking.

Even if it did matter (and I don't see why it would), then no-one else there would even know that you had been invited last minute.
However, if you were invited last minute, so what? It's an evening out, partying with a group of friends. What's not to like ?

It's their wedding! I really can't believe they'd invite anyone they didn't actually like. Okay, you might not have been on the first list, but if they didn't want you to turn up they wouldn't have invited you. I'd go and really look like I was having a good time, and graciously thank them for the invitation. Then everyone is happy.

Who on earth told you you weren't expected to turn up to an event you'd been invited to wtaf! Surely not the people who invited you, but rather someone else being a complete bitch. Why would you even say that to someone?

I really understand your anxiety but it may help just to think it through logically. Nothing to lose for you or the wedding couple if you go.

Who on earth told you you weren't expected to turn up to an event you'd been invited to wtaf! Surely not the people who invited you, but rather someone else being a complete bitch. Why would you even say that to someone?

The only possible non-bitch scenario is that they said "oh wow, I didn't think you'd be able to make it, how nice to see you" which OP then heard as "oh dear, I was expecting not to see you" - highly possible if she has anxiety.

Hopefully you're right Mrs Hathaway. I can understand how anxiety can make you see things negatively that weren't meant that way. Either way it's useful for OP to challenge those ideas, even if she only does that in her own head,, iyswim, rather than believe she's not wanted.

Surely the scenario is this:

B&G plan day

Invite close friends to expensive numbers type day

Extend evening invitation to additional friends and family

Revive gift from group they know but didn't think to invite as thought weren't close enough. Realise group are interested in wedding enough to give gift. Extend invitation to this group.

MN really is weird sometimes

We've decided to go, on our way there now 😊

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Let us know if you have fun!

Hope you have a fab time!