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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you go to the wedding?

76 replies

Weddingcrasherz · 02/06/2017 19:36

Invited today to eve reception, wedding is tomorrow.

Would you go?

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 02/06/2017 20:08

Given your anxiety and the others gift givers not going it sounds like you don't particularly want to go. Sack it off, pick a good movie or whatever and enjoy your Saturday night. Just say you have plans. The sooner you take the possibility of going off the table the sooner you'll relax. Although if you are going through the motions of confronting your anxiety then go to help that. I don't think the bride and groom will be fussed one way or the other so it's more about how you feel x

dudsville · 02/06/2017 20:10

I was once invited to the evening do out of politeness as friends of mine were going to the day part as well. I diplomatically declined.

StarUtopia · 02/06/2017 20:12

I wouldn't. I got a last minute invite a few years back. I felt insulted if I'm honest! Obviously they wanted to 'fill the seat' of a cancellation so that food didn't go to waste.

sodablackcurrant · 02/06/2017 20:12

@MiddleClassProblem.

Nailed it for you.

sodablackcurrant · 02/06/2017 20:13

I meant MCP gave a great reply, so it's your call OP.

RedMetamorphosis · 02/06/2017 20:14

I also got a very last minute invite to an evening do tomorrow. They gave me the invite 4 weeks before the wedding, and 7 weeks after the RSVP deadline Grin

I politely declined. Didn't fancy spending money on someone's wedding if I am a back up to their B List.

ForalltheSaints · 02/06/2017 20:14

I'd be reluctant to go to a work colleague's wedding even without the anxiety issues you have. So a polite decline would be the option I would choose.

MiddleClassProblem · 02/06/2017 20:16

sodablackcurrant the joys of being an MH suffer. Yay! Knot in the tummy time.

HotelEuphoria · 02/06/2017 20:26

Like fuck I would, An afterthought to make the numbers up and provide a present.

Sorry, but a Chinese at home and bottle of wine sounds more appealing.

Original poster
Weddingcrasherz · 02/06/2017 20:41

We've all ready given a gift, it was giving the gift that lead to the invite.

I don't think it's to make up numbers, it's an informal venue not a hotel type place so I think numbers are quite flexible. I feel it's more a oh they've got us a gift it's polite to invite them sort of thing.

I'd like to go but my anxiety is telling me it's not an actual invite and others will think it odd if I turned up.

OP posts:
user1493759849 · 02/06/2017 20:43

This one time a next door neighbour of mine (I will call her Lisa,) was having a party/BBQ for her kids birthdays (they were 2 days apart,) and she invited the whole close virtually (11 out of 14 neighbours of hers,) but didn't invite us (me, DH, and the kids.) She was basically jealous of me because her pal Heather on the other side of me took a real liking to me when I moved in as we had lots in common, so she was really jealous. Especially when Heather mentioned to Lisa that she thought I was the best neighbour she'd had for years.

I went next door on the day before the party to give Lisa her kids birthday gifts and she said 'we are having a big party tomorrow' (Oh here comes my invite I thought...') Then she continued...... 'so apologies in advance for the noise all tomorrow afternoon and evening.'

LOL 'thanks a lot' I thought. PMSL.

So next day, the party started at 5pm-ish, and the BBQ began. Around 40 people were here by 6.30pm. I was evesdropping through the bedroom window, and I heard Heather say 'lovely gifts that Kim (that's me!) gave to the girls... where is she by the way?' And Lisa said 'ummm, not sure....' Heather said 'go knock and see where she and the rest of them are...it's weird them not coming, I'm sure they're in.'

2 minutes later, neighbour Lisa knocks on the door and me and DH answered. She said 'do you wanna come next door to our party?' (A fucking HOUR and a half into it!!!!!!) I said 'Oh no thanks. We're off out in 10 minutes to my cousins's 30th birthday party.' Then we went out to park for an hour then went to the pub til 9pm LOL!' (My cousin DID have a party but not for 3 weeks. So when that was due I said it was another party.)

Sad and a bit daft, but I was proper fucked off that she has assumed we had fuck all else to do. (Even if we didn't hahaha!') Grin

And we really enjoyed our trip to the park, and our evening at the pub. Grin

So NO I would NOT go the wedding OP.

MiddleClassProblem · 02/06/2017 21:37

My CBT guy would say "and why does it matter what others think?" In regards to you being there. Not as in "who cares what anyone else thinks" but as in "what affect does that have on you". That's what you need to think about. If people think it's odd, what are they going to do? Think it? Possible mumble it to someone else? You did have an invite.

twisterinyogapants · 02/06/2017 21:41

No I wouldn't. I would think they were trying to be polite and that I was an after thought out of guilt.

Milktraylover · 02/06/2017 21:43

I wouldn't go. It's obviously a guilt invite for the present. I would normally say go but as your group is not going and with your anxiety I wouldn't think it would be worth it for you. Go out with a girl friend or have a small evening gathering at yours for film and food. You will enjoy that much more and won't be worrying or second guessing things all evening. It just stress you out more.

burnoutbabe · 02/06/2017 21:46

I'd maybe go if i knew there was a buffet.

But not if it I had to travel, and by all my own drinks all night, at expensive hotel style prices, plus no chance to chat to anyone as a noisy disco goes on and you all have to stand around (day guests have commandeered all the chairs and tables from earlier) and nod heads to the music.

So yes, I'd probably not go :D Not a fan of evening invites. Try and leave soon as polite if I have been there all day and it gets to the "evening" Section - 7-8 hours is MORE than enough!

Original poster
Weddingcrasherz · 02/06/2017 22:36

Ah I still can't decide!

I wouldn't have to go alone as the invite was to bring partners, so I can take my DP with me (who is quite happy to go and thinks it would do me good to get out as I rarely go out socially nowadays, but is leaving the final decision to me).

It would only be 2-3:hours, so not too long either.

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 02/06/2017 22:39

Then do it x

McTufty · 02/06/2017 22:42

I would go. It doesn't sound like you're offended by the last minute invitation and it sounds like you want to go but are anxious about if you're welcome. I have no doubt you're welcome or they wouldn't have invited you! I've been married just under a week, and I can assure you if we extended an invitation to anyone it was because they were welcome to accept it. A couple of people (from work/friends of parents etc) sent us gifts just prior to the wedding and we didn't feel we needed to invite them, only to show our gratitude with a thank you note. This couple could have sent you a thank you note instead of inviting you if they didn't want to see you! Go and have a good time.

McTufty · 02/06/2017 22:42

Apologies for lack of paragraphs in that post

Chocolateteabag · 02/06/2017 22:44

Just go - if it feels weird once you get there then just leave after a drink

life is too short to overanalyse - just do it!

KERALA1 · 02/06/2017 23:21

Agree with chocolate don't over analyse. Sounds like you are not close to them and weren't expecting an invite anyway so no reason to be hurt or offended at last minute offer. Not going to "punish" them for not inviting you earlier makes no sense in those circs.

I would go and see your pals you can always slip away if you want to as close by.

Littlecaf · 03/06/2017 07:50

Who cares if you're a back up?

They've invited you and it sounds like fun. Don't be so picky, swallow your pride and go!

Life's too short to be petty over these things.

Alconleigh · 03/06/2017 08:22

Will all the other colleagues you know have been there for the whole thing? If so, I'd decline. Evening invites aren't great anyway as you're arriving 3/4 of the way through an event, and if you're the only one the others will be well in the flow.

Original poster
Weddingcrasherz · 03/06/2017 08:31

I think some others are going for the whole day, some just for the eve. I'm not 100% sure.

I don't mind being invited at the last minute at al, it's more that I worry what others will say, or that I was invited out of politeness but they didn't really expect me to come. That people will be saying 'oh wedding and her dp turned up in eve, i didn't know they were invited'

I don't know why what people think is so important to me!

OP posts:
pangolina · 03/06/2017 08:39

I don't really think that anyone will be saying or thinking that, though. People give us far less thought than we think.