AIBU to feel overwhelmed by shopping for first baby?

[NotQuiteJustYet]

DH and I are expecting our first child. I'm currently about 12 weeks pregnant so I figured at some point I'm going to actually have to start purchasing baby things.

The very concept of shopping for a baby seems very overwhelming right now, I have no idea where to start and it's making me feel completely clueless when it comes to babies - almost like if I can't even manage to shop, how on earth will I cope with a little one?

Any suggestions would be incredibly welcome.

Before DS arrived, we'd bought a cot, changing table, cloth nappies, a sling and ordered a pram (which didn't actually turn up fully till he was 3 months old).
When he arrived early, dh just went into Mothercare and got vests, babygros, sleeping bags and other bits and ordered a car seat online - all done in an hour.

Other stuff we just picked up as we needed it. If I did it again, I wouldn't buy a baby bath (I always had ds in the bath with me, or a swish in the kitchen sink), a mobile, baby blankets (never got used), changing bag (just lobbed a nappy, wipes and muslin in a ziplock bag into whichever bag I or DH wanted to take), and in our case the pram/pushchair.

Great advice from my antenatal class was 'you live in London. There are shops.'
And from BIL, "don't buy anything until 6-7 months as people come out of the woodwork to give you things".
If you have parents competing to buy expensive items, then point them at cotbed and buggy, but basically you need some nappies, clothes, and some way to feed, transport and place to put them down.

I had 2 babies and never learned that newborn is a different size to 0-3. Pillowcases make perfect sheets for Moses baskets. Baby clothes are literally pennies at secondhand sales, even lovely ones. But do get a snot sucking bulb and a dummy just in case!

For baby sleeping:
-Cotbed so that you aren't having to but a crib, cot and then toddler bed.
-I highly recommend a Sleepyhead and its really portable so you can have your baby sleeping in friends houses if you go visiting.
-get 2/3 mattress protectors and fitted sheets (sheets can be bought cheaply in supermarkets

• blankets or sleeping bags

Clothing
-Only need sleepsuits and bodysuits for the first few months

Nappies
-Can but good quality cheap ones at supermarkets
-The bumdeal website is very good at showing you the cheapest nappy deals

dummies-
-can be good if they aren't hungry but want something in their mouth (and you want to go back to sleep at 3am)

Pram-
-really useful for out and about so that they can sleep in it
-large basket underneath is really helpful for shopping
-can be found cheaply in charity shops

Changing bag
-Really useful to have changing stuff together and for you not to spend an hour gathering it together before going out
-TK maxx is a good place to find reasonably priced ones

Also highly rate getting a washable fabric laundry bag for putting all the sick filled baby clothes before washing them

Beansprout do you have any independent baby shops near you? I found my local one really helpful, staff really knew about the products & you could have a good play with various prams, they were also very good at guiding us through the various car seats, fitted it & reminded us when we needed to get a bigger one.

After my DH had a meltdown in John Lewis over whether a crib, Moses basket, cot or nest was required, we booked a nursery consultation with them where a nice lady walked us round the whole department and explained everything. Then we got most of if cheaper online or at baby shows!

Babies need very little.

The Scottish government give every baby a new baby pack in a box.

The cardboard box can also be used as a first crib.

Lots of companies manufacture "essential" baby items.

Very few of them are essential.

I have never used a pram, a changing mat or table, no muslins, no bottles or sterilisers

Having a baby will not cut you off from shops. Most women will be able to manage short shopping trips when a baby is only days or weeks old.
Walking around Mothercare or baby departments in stores is lovely with a new baby, you will get lots of compliments and coos from other shoppers.

Dont waste your money on grobags. £30+ each but as long as you follow safe sleeping advice, a £5 blanket will be more than sufficient. Shop around for everything. Mothercare price matches so always ask them to. Dont buy an expensive steriliser, steriliser tablets with a tub of water is much easier and cheaper. Supermarket brands of everything are fine. Dont bother stocking up with anything like nappies as you don't know what ones you'll like. Just get a couple of packs to start you off. (Asda ones are very good) Lots of people will tell you you need expensive stuff. You dont. The baby wont care, decide whats important to you and spend your money on that. Take all help that's offered. Dont buy loads of clothes in advance, the shopping for clothes is the fun bit as your baby grows up.

Iso fix bases and perfect prep ( if you FF) are worth their weight in gold.

Changing table and baby bath are completely unnecessary imo.

Shoppings harder than the actually baby there is too much baby crap out there.

My advice is buy a pram and a cot/crib buy some newborn and 0-3 vests and sleepsuits. Have a baby fund and once your baby is here buy what you need. First time round I bought everything in advance only used half of it second time I had th essentials then boughy what I needed. Perfect example is the baby swing I bought because ds1 loved his and it was a god send ds2 hated the thing and I had to sell it used for about 8 mins total for a fraction of it's price. If I would have waited i'd have known that ds2 is a clingy baby and prefers a sling to a swing.

Car seat, clothes, nappies, sling and some good breastfeeding books.

Anything else you can sort as you find your feet; Amazon delivery is almost immediate anyway.

Don't worry, you really don't need to shop for ages yet. I'm 30 weeks and we've still not bought anything beyond a few bits of clothing because we're moving house in 2 weeks and don't want to lug it all about needlessly. We figured that if I go into premature labour then the baby will be kept in hospital anyway so plenty of time to purchase the necessary items.

I agree that there's a bewildering choice out there though, I have no idea how to choose the big stuff like car seats, pram, got etc.!

I just ordered all the big stuff like cot/matress/pram/car seat/steriliser etc from kiddicare. The usually do price matches too if cheaper elsewhere. Although I did pop the mothercare first to see if chosen pram would fit in car but didn't buy as more expensive there.

Then bought a couple of packs of babygrows and vests plus blankets, cot sheets nappies, wipes etc in Asda. Cheap as chips.

Bouncers and playmats etc aren't needed for newborns. Everything else you can get once baby is born.

Tis why I love online shopping.

My advice is to trust your instincts. I felt exactly the same I remember shopping in Mothercare when I was about 38 weeks and just bursting into tears as I felt completely overwhelmed and inadequate.

In reality, I'd already bought everything we needed and actually it was Mothercare's "you need this or you're neglecting your baby" marketing that made me feel this way!

I popped in there again with my now 9 month old (who I've somehow managed to keep alive despite not buying any of that stuff!) at the weekend and had a laugh at how many unnecessary things I was worrying about this time last year!

You will be fine :)

First time parents are big business. If you have the budget then fair enough but beware as so much of it is a con or completely unnecessary.. nursery furniture for example. Just go to IKEA.

I say this as someone who bought new for PFB and had all purchases on a colour coded spreadsheet. We did just go for essentials though - pram, crib, basic amount of clothes etc.... we didn't invest in baby baths or tabletop changing mats.

12 weeks is a bit too early for me though. We didn't start until after anomaly scan.

I'd go with buying the minimum and waiting to see what your baby is like. Dobbyandme''s list looks good, although if you are planning to breastfeed I wouldnt bother with the feeding stuff - you can get packets of premade formula in little bottles that come with teats that are perfect as emergency back up.

As an example, we inherited a rubbish old buggy off my sister so didn't buy one before DC1 was born. As it turned out, DS wouldn't go in a buggy until he was 6 months old. We then went buggy shopping with him and it was really easy because we knew how we would use it and so what features mattered. We ended up with a much cheaper buggy than the one we'd have bought pre-birth that actually works better for us, as it's easier to fold and get in a car boot.

YANBU! It's a complete minefield of over engineered products...
Everyone you ask will give you different advice about prams.
In my experience first time parents always buy more than they need to, end up being given duplicates of stuff by friends and family and end up not using a lot of stuff.
If I was having my first child again I would....

• not buy anything until after 20 week scan
• buy essentials like car seat, pack of baby grows/vests, pram, nappies/wipes, stuff you will need in labour and after the birth, pram or sling, something for baby to sleep in.
• I would ask around and borrow the above items rather than buy them if friends are already past the baby stage. We borrowed a lovely cradle for the first few months - (it had been passed around about 10 people!) and then gave it back after 6 months. Saved us money and having a useless piece of baby furniture in the loft.

Congratulations!

If you have a washing machine and tumble dryer you wont need anything like 12 babygros and vests. 6 of each maybe. you can have them washed and dried in a few hours.

Thank you all so much, I feel calmer now and much less overwhelmed for the time being haha. There are some fantastic suggestions made above.

I would think carefully about your lifestyle and how you will carry on with the baby, that will help you buy what you need.

Parents disagree so much about what is needed and what is not, so there's no right or wrong answer. One example:
Nappy bin: no point for me, I just had a bin with lid outside behind back door, and could just chuck dirty nappies there.
Friend who lived in flat: found them a life saver.

All babies are different. I have never used a sling, hated them, and all my kids hated the swaddle blankets. Other parents swear by them.

Good advice about maternity towel, but buy them with wings!

I think I know exactly how you feel. I ended up with decision paralysis at some points. What we ended up doing was picking just one item at a time to consider and go look in mothercare for just that item. It was a bit less overwhelming, and with each visit you become a bit more familiar with everything there, and it was easier to clamp down on the, "oh, crap, I need this, this and this!" tendencies.
Find a shop with a coffee shop near by and pace yourself! If you start becoming overwhelmed, go have tea and cake. You won't be the first person to dissolve in mothercare over which muslins to get.

I also found signing up to Which? completely invaluable. For some things I would just open the product type. and pick the cheapest version of an adequate ranking.

Good luck and congratulations!!

The ready made bottles are sold in boxes and called starter packs, like these ones www.boots.com/aptamil-1-first-milk-starter-pack-ready-to-feed-6x70ml-10175040 . Think there were other brands, and our local not particularly big Tescos had them so they must be available most places.

I feel you, it's very hard to tell what's essential, what's nice to have and what's a complete waste of money. I added a ton of stuff to an Amazon wish list and then looked for secondhand versions on FB groups, eBay, Gumtree etc. So instead of paying £40 for a rocker the baby might hate I paid £5! A lot of it depends on personal circumstances, for example if you don't have a washing machine you'd probably want more clothes than average. There's no rush at 12 weeks and the summer sales are coming up soon.