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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset with my parents

28 replies

Fletchasaurus · 01/06/2017 21:13

My first aibu.... I recently took part in an event in my village where I had quite an important role. It involved doing something that I am very nervous about doing and I needed support at the time. Firstly, my dm said that was I was doing was crap (not I was, but what I was doing iyswim). Then, my df refused to take come as he said he doesn't like those sort of events. I am quite upset with both of them, dm as she has put me down and df for not putting aside his prejudice to support me. My dh couldn't make it for a good reason so I would have liked family support. Fwiw, it went incredibly well but dm is guilt-tripping me saying I shouldn't be angry with my df (I'm more disappointed tbh). She is bringing up things that aren't relevant to use against me. Aibu to be cross?

OP posts:
Crumbs1 · 01/06/2017 21:17

How old are you? Why would your father turn up,to your version of the school play? It might feel important to you but it really isn't in the grander scheme of things. If he doesn't like that sort of thing why would he go? I can't see your mother put you down - would you prefer she lied and said it was brilliant to your face whilst thinking the exact opposite?

MarcelineTheVampire · 01/06/2017 21:18

Is it Morris dancing?! If so, YABU.

Original poster
Fletchasaurus · 01/06/2017 21:20

It wasn't anything like a school play, it was a very important local village event. She said what I was doing was crap before it happened, not that I was if that makes sense.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fletchasaurus · 01/06/2017 21:20

No-one wants to see me dance! Haha

OP posts:
chestylarue52 · 02/06/2017 06:39

YANBU to feel cross and upset

YAB a bit U to behave cross and disappointed around your parents. If you can't contain it then maybe just don't see them for a bit? Try and let it go.

Original poster
Fletchasaurus · 02/06/2017 06:49

That sounds about right chesty - I've always got on very well with dm and df, but this is colouring my judgement. I'm in Manchester if that gives a clue what the event was given what has happened. Think I ought to leave it for a bit (made more difficult that dm's birthday is coming up agh).

OP posts:
Ginorchoc · 02/06/2017 07:01

As an adult why did you need you parents supporting you?

FrancisCrawford · 02/06/2017 07:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Fletchasaurus · 02/06/2017 07:17

We usually have an incredibly supportive relationship. Its out of character for them not to support me. I didn't need them there but dh couldn't come and I don't have anyone else

OP posts:
acornsandnuts · 02/06/2017 07:31

I haven't asked or expected my parents to turn up to anything for me since I was 15. It's good when they get involved with things we are all interested in. But I would never expect and I would never be disappointed with them. Their life, their choice.

Northernparent68 · 02/06/2017 07:32

Why so cryptic op, if it's too do with the bombing just say so.

Events that commemorate terrorist outrages bring out strong emotions, maybe your mum was upset about the bombing hence her negativity.

It sounds like your father does not agree with these type of events, so it's unsurprising he was not there.

228agreenend · 02/06/2017 07:41

Even if they couldn't watch you in person, they could have still supported you and encouraged you. You don't have to like something to support them. A few words of encouragement could have been spoken.

Well done you for doing it.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 02/06/2017 07:41

Disappointing but you can't force another adult to voice approval or enjoyment of something you do if they don't 'get it'.
Sad that an event about unity perhaps? has got you at loggerheads.
I agree though it's annoying if earlier differences of opinion over get raked up to add weight to their point of view.

CandODad · 02/06/2017 08:05

Was it running? That's really bloody boring to watch so I can see why.

Mummmy2017 · 02/06/2017 08:08

You were doing this BECAUSE you wanted too, and you have,
You don't need the support of your family as you were not doing it for them, but for yourself, if you wanted them to come doesn't that take away from the casue?

Be happy you did it, if your DM mentions it again, just tell her you were happy you were able to do it, and then forget it. If you just keep giving her the same answer she will drop it.

smithin · 02/06/2017 08:53

I understand that you are a bit dissapointed that they didn't show interest in something that was very important to you. However, you are a grown up now so you should let it go. People sometimes dissapoint other people. It isnot major enough to have a family quarrel over.

Isetan · 02/06/2017 08:57

If this 'event' was to commemorate the victims of the Manchester bomb, why are you making this about you?

ArgyMargy · 02/06/2017 09:04

Are you in Manchester or are you in a village?

ArgyMargy · 02/06/2017 09:07

If it helps at all, I think I would possibly have the same attitude as your parents. People my age can find it very hard to relate to what we might consider disproportionate and inappropriate responses to these shocking events. Personally I wouldn't disparage my children for taking part but I wouldn't attend myself.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 02/06/2017 09:10

Is there more to this than them not wanting to turn up to support you?,

It's just that She is bringing up things that aren't relevant to use against me which seems a bit over the top.

VeryButchyRestingFace · 02/06/2017 09:15

Were you tattooing people, OP?

Although usually, it's the tattooee who needs a bit of Dutch courage, rather than the tattooer. Grin

Original poster
Fletchasaurus · 03/06/2017 00:59

Thanks all for your replies, apologies for the delay, it has been an awful and very long day. As isetan said it isn't about me but the support would have been appreciated donkeys and 228, you are quite right. I am grateful for the mix of views and will not let this cause a rift.

OP posts:
PeaFaceMcgee · 03/06/2017 01:40

As long as it wasn't riding out with the fox hunt, their behaviour is a little surprising but glad you're going to move on from it.

If it was a religious thing and they're atheist then don't take it personally.

Pallisers · 03/06/2017 01:55

Why would your father turn up,to your version of the school play?

Because he is her father and he loves her and is interested in seeing her do something worthwhile and doing it well?

My dad would have turned up to my version of the school play to the day he died - and I was pretty damn old then. Can't understand this question. Many parents are extremely interested in their children, even after they become adults. It isn't odd.

rolopolovolo · 03/06/2017 01:57

Agree with ArgyMargy. Am not far from Manchester and the concert etc is just leaving me cold. Prefer London's post 7/7 attitude to all the annoying American "outpourings of support".