To think DH is stupidly overprotective of DSD??

[K1092902]

I am aware I'm not her biological parent but she has lived with us FT for 4 years and we do have a very close relationship and is a wonderful big sister to DD who is 3.

DSD is 18 and at college just about to start A Levels. She is going to university locally in Sept as we can't really afford to pay for her to live away. My parents very generously offered to buy a flat in London on the basis she paid rent with 2 other friends who also wanted to go and have been accepted into her 1st choice university. DH said no because he is terrified of her living so far away with the "state of the world" at the moment.

I will now add that DH lived in London when 7/7 occurred- he was with his ex wife at the time who is DSDs biological mother. His best friend was killed during the attack which did cause DH to have a breakdown and led to his divorce with ex who has since passed away.

DH is incredibly overprotective of both girls- but I think it's extreme with DSD considering she is 18 and now an adult. It took a hell of a lot of arm twisting on my part to let her learn to drive even.

Things have come to a head this morning. DSDs friend has brought tickets for this charity concert in Manchester on Sunday. DH has said she isn't going. DSD is fuming and I'm caught in the middle.

I do fully understand that DH has suffered a severe mental trauma but he also needs to realise DSD is growing up-and I don't want to go through this all again when DD is growing up

AIBU

Your DH has been through alot but so has his daughter. Witnessing his breakdown, her parents divorce, losing her Mum.

Quite, and going out there and living her life as she wants could be part of what she feels she needs to do after all she's been through. Or just what she wants to do as she's perfectly entitled - it is also best for her in the long run, her well being, career etc. She has had to go through a divorce and lose her mother, now her father is controlling what she does in life when even at 18.

Could she go to a University that's not London and not a big city? That might be a compromise.

I don't agree this would be a good idea as this significantly limits the options open to her in terms of university she attends. She needs to go somewhere with a course which suits her and somewhere she'll be happy; being in a big city may be part of that.

My granddaughter was at the concert in Manchester. Luckily we got her back home safe and sound. Security this weekend will be at the highest its ever been. I have been to Manchester twice this week, once to see the flowers in St Anne's Square and the place is surrounded with armed police.

Agree with PP, as DSD is 18 I don't really understand why DH is telling her where she can and cannot go? He sounds very controlling and bossy, although I do appreciate he has suffered some losses.

Would he consider counselling? DSD is likely to get fed up with him before too long if he doesn't sharpen up.

How does he intend to stop her going ?

If he doesn't get help for his mental health issues, he will end up driving her away.

She's an adult now.

Of course she must go,away to London for university. Part of whole experience is about being away from home, learning to be an adult and being free of restrictions imposed by parents.