Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

AIBU to think he's having an affair?

42 replies

user1494935220 · 30/05/2017 22:48

DH left his phone on the kitchen table, I heard it beep and saw a number of WhatsApp messages from a woman coming through saying sexy things and then asking him for money. The phone rang (it was her) and I took the phone to him and demanded what was going on. He denied knowing anything about this woman (even though her name was in his contacts in WhatsApp). He called her (apparently) straight back but said there was no answer. He said thought it might be one of his mates winding him up by doing this (they all know he's married).

The day after I told him I was upset by this still and thought it was very odd that this woman is in his contacts but he doesn't know her. He said that he thinks his WhatsApp got hacked. He has 'conveniently' had to change all his passwords. I have left it there but all my instincts are screaming at me that this isn't quite right. We usually have a great, open and honest relationship (or do I thought). I am also pregnant. AIBU to think he's having an affair and what should I do?

OP posts:

Queenofthestress · 30/05/2017 22:54

I think he's having an affair, has his behaviour changed at all? Working late often?

BlondeB83 · 30/05/2017 22:55

Sounds like he's having an affair.

Only1scoop · 30/05/2017 22:57

YANBU
Affair or prostitute

GlitteryFluff · 30/05/2017 22:57

Affair or paying someone for services?
Sorry op

DJBaggySmalls · 30/05/2017 22:59

I'm sorry but he's making excuses and lying, and thats not a good sign. I think he's paying her for services.

DisorderedAllsorts · 30/05/2017 22:59

It's a shame that you didn't answer the call and told her to fuck off. Yes it sounds suspiciously like an affair unfortunately.

What are you going to do now? When are you due to give birth?

Twinklyfaerieglade · 30/05/2017 23:00

Trust your gut. But also work out what is best for you. I was in a very similar situation which turned out to be an affair. However my mind/body surpressed it while I was pregnant to allow me to focus on the baby. It was totally my survival instincts kicking in.
In hindsight it was a good thing. I dealt with one life changing thing at a time.
Maybe the stress of extra responsibility is driving him to unacceptable behaviours? That is no excuse but don't feel you have to deal with this now if you don't feel able. Take your time and work out what is best for you and your baby

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 30/05/2017 23:01

I'm sorry, it does sound like an affair/prostitue. Whatsapp being hacked doesn't make sense - if she called the phone, her number is in his phone contacts, separate from Whatsapp. Has his behaviour changed in other ways recently?

AnyFucker · 30/05/2017 23:02

That doesn't sound like an affair (asking for money ?) but it certainly sounds like something dodgy.

SchnauzerLife · 30/05/2017 23:08

WhatsApp is famously hard to hack. If the contact is in his phone can you get hold of it?

Original poster

user1494935220 · 30/05/2017 23:09

One message was asking him to transfer £10 for cigarettes (so don't think it's a prostitute - well hope not!) and his behaviour hasn't changed noticeably at all recently.

I'm only 8 weeks but if it does turn out to be an affair I could manage on my own - and have thought through the options. I will try and be more aware and see if there are any other 'tells' or changes in his behaviour

OP posts:

BrilliantDarling · 30/05/2017 23:16

Leave it for now , dont bring it up and just act normal so he thinks you have forgot about it, then say you need to use his phone as your battery has just died/cant find your charger.
If he wont tell you the password or makes a excuse etc then you are right to be suspicious.
If you do get the phone off him then just pretend you suddenly need the toilet , after all you do find yourself constantly needing a wee whilst pregnant, then lock the door and look through his phone .

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/05/2017 23:33

If your gut is telling you that he is then he probably is.

However if this the only "tell" you have then watchful waiting is the way ahead.

Hisnamesblaine · 30/05/2017 23:36

I would demand to see the message and have a look to see ow far back they go. If he has nothing to hide then he should be ok with you looking

notapizzaeater · 30/05/2017 23:43

I'm in a group what's app - I can only see the names of people (as opposed to the phone number) of people I have either in my phone or Facebook friends

GirlOnATrainToShite · 30/05/2017 23:47

Check his internet history - if he's been anywhere near Adult Works then it's a whore

WorldsacpeLove · 30/05/2017 23:58

Might be having an affair, but, I also sometimes (rarely) get dodgy whatsapps as well. Did she know his name or anything? Do you have a webcam at home?

It's very strange his passwords have suddenly been changed - that does make me ultra suspicious.

Check for unknown phone numbers on phone bill as well if you can see the account online?

PeanutButterLips · 30/05/2017 23:59

If you ever get that number from the phone,
type the number in your Facebook search bar and if they have a Facebook linked to the number it will bring up the profile so you know exactly who the person is.

BeepBeepMOVE · 31/05/2017 00:12

Affair- sorry.

Whatsapp is very hard to hack and why would a hacker bother just to send that? And if the name is saved then it's not a friend. Could you see previous messages and how he'd replied?

araiwa · 31/05/2017 02:14

hes a man so hes clearly having an affair

KC225 · 31/05/2017 02:18

Sorry OP. Sounds like an affair/prostitute to me. His behaviour is suspicious. I have never heard of a what's app account being hacked. Even if that happens, what would be the point in putting a name in there?

Bubblesagain · 31/05/2017 02:20

He said that he thinks his WhatsApp got hacked
Well that's bullshit, combined with the changing passwords it doesn't look good.

acquiescence · 31/05/2017 07:15

You can set WhatsApp so that your name comes up even if the person you are messaging doesn't have it saved. It still sounds dodgy but you can definitely do this.

LucyLocketLostIt · 31/05/2017 07:25

I'm so sorry but think it's very dodgy too.

Please don't have sex with him. If he's sleeping with someone else, he could pass something on to both you and the baby.

numberseven · 31/05/2017 07:41

Yeah, no, nobody hacked his Whatsapp to add 1 female contact.

Flip

1 2