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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think he's having an affair?

42 replies

user1494935220 · 30/05/2017 22:48

DH left his phone on the kitchen table, I heard it beep and saw a number of WhatsApp messages from a woman coming through saying sexy things and then asking him for money. The phone rang (it was her) and I took the phone to him and demanded what was going on. He denied knowing anything about this woman (even though her name was in his contacts in WhatsApp). He called her (apparently) straight back but said there was no answer. He said thought it might be one of his mates winding him up by doing this (they all know he's married).

The day after I told him I was upset by this still and thought it was very odd that this woman is in his contacts but he doesn't know her. He said that he thinks his WhatsApp got hacked. He has 'conveniently' had to change all his passwords. I have left it there but all my instincts are screaming at me that this isn't quite right. We usually have a great, open and honest relationship (or do I thought). I am also pregnant. AIBU to think he's having an affair and what should I do?

OP posts:

OnionKnight · 31/05/2017 07:46

Over the weekend I started getting risque messages via WhatsApp, the persons name was coming up in the notifications but not in the actual app, in the app was only a phone number. Needless to say whoever it was got told to fuck off and blocked.

So it does happen.

Movingin2017 · 31/05/2017 07:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoobleMcB · 31/05/2017 08:04

Could you not demand he let you see his WhatsApp? Check the convo? I mean, it's probably too late now to see THAT exchange but still...

BlondeB83 · 31/05/2017 09:08

Echo what others have said - don't have sex with him. Potential STIs could harm your baby.

simplysleepy · 31/05/2017 09:17

Yep, I've had messages on whatsapp from numbers I don't have saved which have come up with a name attached. A lot of times actually, you can do it in the app settings.
I even think it overrides what you have then saved as, but just on whatsapp

QueenMortificado · 31/05/2017 09:20

I'm on an iPhone and if someone whose number I haven't saved sends me a whatsapp the notification still flashes up on my home screen as "Dave" (or whoever). It does it based on what that person has named themselves on whatsapp, not how it's saved in your phone.

So it's possible.

But from him suggesting whatsapp has been "hacked" id say no. Sorry op

PainCanBeBeautiful · 31/05/2017 14:30

I don't think it's an affair. I have very little information to go on, obviously. I just don't see it as ana fair. I don't blame him changing his passwords incase it was hacked. I would have done the same, doesn't make me suspicious though.

I've had dodgy messages sent both through email and texts about dating things. It's spam and I'm sure it can be sent via WhatsApp as well. Just ask to see he messages and if he refuses then I'd definitely be suspicious.

messofajess · 31/05/2017 15:01

If it was "hacked" surely he would have straight away shown you there was no message history between them and investigated the hack together?

AppleOfMyEye10 · 31/05/2017 15:08

He's talking crap. It doesn't save the person's name automatically. I do get spam but a number comes through not the person's name

fluentinsarcasm · 31/05/2017 15:13

Those pesky mates and their high jinx eh?
Like when a mascara was found under the car seat...mates trying to get him into trouble...

Eat my hat if it's all innocent

Bubblesagain · 31/05/2017 15:13

If it was actually someone he didn't know though surely he'd of just been like oh weird spam, not talking of hacking and mates and changing password, that just sounds like being caught lying and massively panicking and coming up with any old shit. Why would you need to change your phone pin because of some spam

PainCanBeBeautiful · 31/05/2017 15:36

We don't know if his mates are like that though. They could well be. Us speculating from one post is just that, speculation. We cannot ever say for certain that someone is cheating because we just don't know.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/05/2017 15:38

I wouldn't automatically assume he's lying if nothing else he's doing suggests it.
Slightly different but a while ago a friend of mine got some fb messages from a stranger saying her husband was having an affair. He denied it, it got a bit wierd, and then turned out the stranger was making it up for kicks. There's some weird people out there.

Chloe1984 · 31/05/2017 15:49

I personally have received a message from a work colleague, not in my contacts, and it displayed their name.

I have also recently had to change a few passwords as my PayPal account got hacked and I used the same password for a few other sites so had to change those too.

My OH is going to be so devastated as I'm obviously having an affair.

Ethylred · 31/05/2017 16:05

£10 for cigarettes? Surely the whole thing is a joke. A heartless and thoughtless joke, but a joke.

Notmyrealname85 · 31/05/2017 16:09

You have to add a contact on Whatsapp. And it doesn't sound like spam

His friends wouldn't prank like this - it's not prank material

Sounds like a regular escort

PainCanBeBeautiful · 31/05/2017 16:10

You don't have to add a contact. Admittedly I haven't used it in a while but you never used to have to add them. Or at least I don't think you did.

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