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Original poster

dh is being a twat over 'opedius' dss tonight [this is weird]

64 replies

pipsqueak25 · 30/05/2017 21:45

this is potentially outing but not bothered as i'm really wound up, dh and i have a very good relationship and very close. BUT this evening he commented on my youngest ds [16] is 'clingy' and 'acts a bit weird' around me, we have a good relationship but he'd certainly not clingy and weird -wtf ?? "it's like he has an opedius thing with you ". i asked him what he was going on about and he said "i notice this stuff, he hangs around you alot, it's weird, i never did that with my mum, "
now, 'd'h has no idea of the full meaning of opedius complex anyhow, and does't know the symptoms, he has indirectly slagged two other dss this evening in the space of 5 minutes. i don't know where the hell this has come from, he was fine when he came home from work and over dinner, no rows etc, then in the middle of a programme we were watching he comments on my dress which is a low neck and saying it might induce creepy behaviour from someone,.???
when i took him to task about it that's when it came out, it's almost as though it was a stranger talking. no drink or drugs involved, no problems, we talk about everything, so i don't get it at all, so i've come up to bed and he is downstairs still watching the programme..
any thoughts anyone ?
i know he 's a bit jealous of youngest as we have a good relationship and often have a good laugh together but this... ??

OP posts:
Original poster
pipsqueak25 · 30/05/2017 22:14

bigmack yes, i really think you are right, i just needed someone else to tell me, i feel really Sad now but i don't know what to do.

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Original poster
pipsqueak25 · 30/05/2017 22:18

cocoa i'm wondering if this has been building up and it's released it, not sure what to say to dh, he's still downstairs, ds has offered to make me a Brew but i didn't want him to know i'm Sad i heard him ask dh but he has refused as well. ds is very kind hearted and will do stuff like this, he doesn't know what has been said and i wish i'd never heard it.

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Maxandrubyrubyandmax · 30/05/2017 22:23

Does he fully understand what it means? If yes to suggest it seems really fucked up. If no I'd be wound up he was a bit thick! But seems v strange to suddenly bring it up out the blue! Has something happened at work? Is your relationship going through a bit of a low patch? Try talking and see why he's suddenly brought it up! (Maybe not tonight)

PoorYorick · 30/05/2017 22:23

I don't think the weirdo would know an Oedipus complex if Sigmund Freud hit him over the head with one.

NinonDeLenclos · 30/05/2017 22:25

So DH is jealous and possessive over you.

I wonder if your son's OCD is impacted or even triggered by the vibes he's picking up from his DH?

ohfourfoxache · 30/05/2017 22:26

He sounds like a creepy twat Shock

ChasedByBees · 30/05/2017 22:29

Don't let this affect the way you are with your son. This is your husband's weirdness alone.

user1491572121 · 30/05/2017 22:30

Has he been watching much porn recently? There's apparently a "fashion" for incest porn.

He might have let his (weird) imagination run away with him.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 30/05/2017 22:30

You say you have a close relationship with your dh, pip so you need to discuss this with him, away from your children.
What he has said isn't acceptable. He may not realise what he's said but if nothing else he's jealous of the close relationship you have with your son and is twisting it to make you uncomfortable.
He should be assuming the role of a father figure, not vying for your attention like a child.

I'm sorry you're upset Flowers Take some time to calm down and gather your thoughts first.

Snotgobbler99 · 30/05/2017 22:31

Assuming that your DH's reference to Oedipus was just dumb/unfortunate, I'd guess that - although he may be demonstrative and touchy-feely with you - maybe your DH comes from a much less touchy-feely family than you do and it makes him feel uncomfortable.

My partner's family is much more touchy-feely than mine was/is and sometimes they make me feel a bit claustrophobic. However, I know it's 'my problem' and I try to deal with it with as much grace as I can summon. Equally, it's my partner's 'problem' that she sometimes thinks my family is being remote - they aren't, they just don't do public demonstrations of affection.

It may also be him beginning to 'cut the apron strings' -whether consciously or not. Again, he might be a mirroring of what happened to him. I've seen other parent's do a very abrupt transition over when they think their children have 'become adults'. It's not a great approach.

Loungingbutnotforlong · 30/05/2017 22:32

Urgh! Just urgh! I am repulsed that your husband could think, never mind suggest such a thing to you. How totally unacceptable to make you feel awkward around your own son- what a grim creep (your husband!)

happythankyoumoreplease · 30/05/2017 22:33

I'd be really pissed off with your DH - he thinks he's competing with your DS for your affections?

I would remind him that if in fact it was a competition your DS would of course win every time.

CocoaLeaves · 30/05/2017 22:34

I think your DH is putting a wedge between you and your son. It means you are hyper aware of affectionate behaviour and will start checking it. It is fine to love your son, you are his mother, it is what mothers do. It is weird to make your maternal bond unnatural. And I would be pissed off if my DH commented on the suitability of my under garments in relation to my DS; you were dressed! (I don't have a DH, to be clear)

Northernparent68 · 30/05/2017 22:38

Op, I do not mean any offence but it is possible for a parent and child to emotionally dependant on each other. It may not be the cuddles that bother him but a belief there not any emotional boundaries. I ve seen plenty of threads on this site, about this issue, I do not think you should dismiss your husbands concerns.

becotide · 30/05/2017 22:41

It's normal for a 16 year old to "emotionally depend" on their mother, Northernparent68 Hmm

Original poster
pipsqueak25 · 30/05/2017 22:42

he doesn't like porn 'it's degrading to everyone involved' user , he just seems a bit jealous at the moment, ilost yes, i think you are right and thank you for the flowers, max will talk with him about this tomorrow and try and find out what is really going on.
thanks everyone for your support x

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Original poster
pipsqueak25 · 30/05/2017 22:46

north just read your message, dcs and me are not usually 'cuddly types' ,

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DJBaggySmalls · 30/05/2017 22:48

You say he is jealous, it sounds like he resents your children more as they get older and he perceives them as rivals. I think you need to get some professional advice about his behaviour.
You could start by talking to Womens Aid, and ask where to go from there as they will know some local counselors.

This needs to be tackled as it will get worse as the kids get older.

twattymctwatterson · 30/05/2017 22:48

I would absolutely lose my shit if a man said this to me. Honestly it might even be a deal breaker. He's jealous of your child and is trying to drive a wedge between you.

mynameislolita · 30/05/2017 22:57

can someone what theyr take on oedipus theory as i think i have my wires crossed somewhere along the line

AcrossthePond55 · 30/05/2017 22:58

So.....your DH is insinuating that 1-your 16 year old son is sexually attracted to you and that 2-you wear inappropriate clothing that encourages it. That proves to me that he knows very well what the 'common' definition of 'Oedipus Complex' is and therefore he knows exactly what he is saying. That's disgusting and there is absolutely NO excuse for such a remark! If he feels 'jealous' of your relationship with your son because he's not as close your son as he'd like to be, or if he thinks you 'neglect' him for your son he needs to discuss it with you in those terms. To try to drive a wedge between the two of you by using 'sexual attraction' is sick.

Original poster
pipsqueak25 · 30/05/2017 23:02

opedius theory is basically a son resenting / hating his father and male siblings for his mothers affections.
certainly not true in this case, the kids squabble a bit but they all look out for each other.

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NancyWake · 30/05/2017 23:02

What Across the Pond said.

DoloresTheRunawayTrain · 30/05/2017 23:03

I think your Dh does have some measure of understanding of an Oedipus complex. In one breath he says your DS is behaving weird and creepy around you and in the next he says your dress will invite creepy behaviour. He is getting as close a she dare to insinuating your relationship with your DS has incestuous undertones. Whether he actually believes that, or whether he is just using that to try to get you to pull away from your DS and pay more attention to him is neither here nor there, it's a grim thing to suggest.

WomblingThree · 30/05/2017 23:04

It's when a male child is sexually interested in his mother, but it was invented by Freud so I guess it's only a thing if you are a follower of his theories.