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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is bad hosting?

78 replies

hibbledobble · 30/05/2017 11:42

Is this off? I think it is but wondered general mn opinion. Another thread reminded me of this.

We went to an engagement party where we didn't know any other guests as a family (2 adults and 2 children ). It was a picnic in the park. I cooked a big dish and planned to share it.

We offered to share with other guests, this was turned down by them. Tried to socialise but other guests were rather icy. Host did not introduce us to anyone, nor offer us any food or drink. Our offer to share food was turned down. There was not one bit of food or drink on offer for guests.

We just ate our own food, and wondered why we didn't go to our local park to do it, rather than travel for a complete lack of hosting.

Our eldest daughter wanted to play with a balloon that was out and was told not to by the host too.

Overall we felt very unwelcome.

Aibu to think that if you host a party then you should at least provide some food or drink, and introduce guests?

OP posts:
Squishedstrawberry4 · 30/05/2017 12:19

I think it's fine either way as long as the host makes it clear if it's being your own or being and share.

The lack of introductions is odd.

Carolinethebrave · 30/05/2017 12:21

They were really rude, as were their friends. I'd drop them.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 30/05/2017 12:22

It just sounds like a very low key get together - which is fine in itself. A Relaxed bring your own. I wonder if other people felt a bit shy or knew each other well so we're catching up up. Strange not to introduce

LagunaBubbles · 30/05/2017 12:24

Yep cant wait to hear about the wedding story! Grin

Seriously there are some really odd people out there arent they? This isnt a party.

GloriaGilbert · 30/05/2017 12:24

Jeez. What sort of misery guts tells a child not to play with a balloon?

Horrible.

SapphireStrange · 30/05/2017 12:26

Has your DH had any contact with her since then?

It sounds awful. Maybe it's just my family and friends, but I can't imagine anyone I know not introducing themselves to new people, or saying 'Oh lovely' to the offer of nice home-made food and starting a bit of conversation over it.

FilledSoda · 30/05/2017 12:27

Very poor form. I would assume the other guests were just as uncomfortable so maybe they will get some feedback.

upwardsandonwards33 · 30/05/2017 12:33

Was it described as 'bring your own picnic'? So do you think people only bought enough for themselves and would have felt embarrassed to take some of your food as they wouldn't be able to offer anything to you themselves?

Of course the host could have bought additional items for all to share.

DHcanbeabitofatwat · 30/05/2017 12:34

What sort of people turn down free food? If I was a guest and you offered me some I would absolutely have a slice!

So had other guests not brought anything and were just sat around?
Sounds like a shit party. Can you leave a fb review of 1 star?

Original poster
hibbledobble · 30/05/2017 12:36

No contact since then afaik.

The other guests seemed more comfortable as they knew each other (and didn't seem to want to talk to anyone they didn't know).

Mumsnet may be deprived of their wedding story as I think we probably haven't been invited if we haven't had am invite by now.

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 30/05/2017 12:36

Reminds me of a picnic I went to years back.

Friend of mine (very close friend) invited me along to join her and some of her mummy friends for a child friendly picnic. Everyone had a toddler age child barring me who had a babe in arms well a non crawling 6 month old

When I first joined them [as in walked over to where the group of about 8 mums and their kids were] my friend jumped up and came to greet us, she got distracted with her toddler and ran off so I said Hi to those closest to me and got my blanket and food out... These people looked at me like I had 3 heads.

Not one person spoke to me - despite me being properly introduced by friend when she had her toddler under control. She actually got me up and I did a walk around kind of thing, not even a fucking smile.

Went back to my blanket and kind of pushed food to the edge and said "help yourselves" to those nearest, to which one actually sneered at me 'we only eat homemade' - that was literally the only thing that was said to me.

Friend was a bit distracted with her 2yo, so I stayed about half an hour before making my excuses. I am no wall flower but I was in complete shock at how awful these people were.

I did message my friend later to tell her what a bunch of rude cunts her friends are. She agreed and said it was very out of character....

Sorry OP, I digress! This wasn't so much about poor hosting although they did have 2 bottles of Prosecco between them and I didn't even get offered a glass it was more about general cuntiness.

Anothernewnn · 30/05/2017 12:39

Was it the first time you met her?

Kokusai · 30/05/2017 12:41

Sounds crap.

I wouldn't bother with the wedding.

Seriously tho - hosting is a skill and not everyone has seen good hosting modeled or is practiced at it.

BandeauSally · 30/05/2017 12:42

Shock crunchy that is awful! Why are people so deliberately rude? Surely they would have enjoyed their picnic so much more if they had been smiley and welcoming with everyone there rather than saving a part of their brain to be nasty to the new woman. Idiots. My policy is to smile and chat to everyone unless they give me a reason not to.

Original poster
hibbledobble · 30/05/2017 12:42

That sounds rubbish crunchy Even worse for you as at least I had dh to talk to.

A bit of Facebook stalking confirms that the wedding is in 2017 and a dress has been bought. As we haven't received an invitation by now we most likely aren't invited.

OP posts:
helpimitchy · 30/05/2017 12:43

This doesn't sound like a party, more like just some people hanging around being miserable.

BorisTrumpsHair · 30/05/2017 12:50

It sounds like one of these "look how many people respond to my summons to come picnic in the park" gatherings, rather than anything fun, social or celebratory.

The picnic equivalent of a MN stealth boast. Grin

I wouldn't want to go to the wedding after this.

peachgreen · 30/05/2017 12:52

I wonder if perhaps your invite was a Facebook mis-click? VERY odd to invite people to an engagement party and not the wedding...

peachgreen · 30/05/2017 12:52

Not that that's any excuse for being rude! But maybe she really didn't realise she'd invited you and thought you'd gatecrashed?

Nicnak2223 · 30/05/2017 13:02

Is it not odd to have an engagement party if the wedding is already planned and the dress is bought?

Original poster
hibbledobble · 30/05/2017 13:02

peach perhaps it's because the gathering in the park was free for her, buy wedding invites cost money? I'm wondering if we were only good enough for the turn up to the park invite.

OP posts:
Original poster
hibbledobble · 30/05/2017 13:03

nicnac the engagement party was a little while ago. Another thread just reminded me of it.

OP posts:
Nicnak2223 · 30/05/2017 13:07

Ah OK they aren't as weird as I thought then. PS I would have had some frittata Grin

Hissy · 30/05/2017 13:12

How VERY odd! YANBU

Amibambini · 30/05/2017 13:13

That is without a doubt some terrible hosting. I shoot weddings for a living and it's an interesting insight into how different groups of humans socialise. People tend to hang out with similar types, and on the whole, most people know how to have a good time with others, some just might need a bit more booze to loosen up. However, on the very odd occasion I get to a wedding reception full of boring, unfriendly fuckers who stay in their own, tiny, grim faced groupings or pairs, sometimes looking at their phones more than interacting with others. Dull, dull, dull. But I think, 'hey at least these wierdo's found each other'. They are a rarity, but they do exist, and now you know where they are so you can now avoid them.

I don't understand the declining food but though, maybe she hangs out with a lot of vegans? Frittata is very eggy. Not equating being vegan with being a dull fucker, all my vegan mates are lovely and would have been pouring prosecco down your neck.

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