To refuse to work with this man again

[MaidenMotherCrone]

For background...,,

Each shift requires 2 people in my dept. At the moment there is just me so I do the work of 2 people. My manager asked me to train a new guy up who would then be with me. Yay I thought, brilliant, no more running myself ragged.

He was ok, he listened and as he had past experience picked things up quickly.

However, he was an absolute creep. In the first hour ( of a bloody 12 hour shift) he mentioned getting naked 3 times. As the day went on he told me he was a Casanova (who fucking says that?) repeatedly stood so close to me I had to ask ( and then tell) him to move away from me. He was telling me some bullshit tale and used the expression ' I can give a hard ride or a smooth ride, it's the ladies choice' WTF! ( just a few examples to give you an idea).

The highlight of the day was when he ran his hand down my arm in such a suggestive way I wanted to punch him. I pushed his hand away and told him to never touch me lagain.

He made my skin crawl.

I changed the conversation at every unacceptable point, I changed from being friendly to cold civil and remained professional. I'm assertive and not one to accept poor behaviour from anyone.

Now my natural reaction would be to deal with this myself and put him in his place in no uncertain terms but this would not protect all the other women at work from him.

I'm going to speak to my manager tomorrow and I will refuse to work with him again. I don't want him in the building never mind near me. 85% of the staff are men and it's bloody hard enough dealing with the sexist shit/abusive comments day in day out without adding this creep.

So, AIBU ?

YANBU, and the agency needs to be told about him. If he creeped you out, imagine the effect he'd have on a less assertive women.

OP I was with you all the way until you mentioned the big dave thing....

He maybe has received mixed messages on what appropriate banter is in the work place. Perhaps he's trying to fit in.
Still inappropriate and he should be disciplined.

This actually made me shudder OP. It also gave me a sense of deja vu. This absolutely needs to be addressed and the management needs to deal with his behaviour asap. It is not acceptable to feel unsafe and uncomfortable at any time, let alone on a 12 hour shift in your work environment.

Yeah, I'm not sure that you bandying anal sex around the office (as it were) is the wisest thing to be doing, masculine culture or no masculine culture.

Workplace cultures can change. They are made up of people, not static entities. Complain to management. Get things changed.

Def report him, wtf would he think it's acceptable to be like that in a new job ! You're supposed to be imposing them at first ..... Just imagine what he could be like with his feet under the table

yanbu. completely unacceptable.

Yeah, I'm not sure that you bandying anal sex around the office (as it were) is the wisest thing to be doing, masculine culture or no masculine culture.

As I understood it, the OP was only repeating what someone else had said there, to highlight their creepyness. Did I get that wrong?

The OP should definitely report this bloke's unpleasantness. Sexual harrassment on his first day of employment makes me wonder what he'll be like once he's been there a month, a year, or more.

He should be sacked. YADNBU

Be very, very clear about why you are refusing to work with him. Keep the tone neutral and quote the exact things he said. Make clear that you don't feel safe around him. Don't use the term sexual harassment, they can work that out themselves. Make sure your manager writes it all down and understands it must be treated formally. Follow up with an email so the date, time and content of the meeting is indisputable.

Well done OP. If everyone did this the world would be a lot better.

There is no way this guy picked up mixed messages, he was working with just me, he didn't interact with anyone else and there wasn't any 'banter' taking place, which I don't take part in, but when someone says something particularly offensive I do involve Dave.

It's not an office. It's a huge working environment.

I know he is on probation, so it is academic as he won't be able to bring unfair dismissal in that case but - if chappie was dismissed and brought a claim for unfair dismissal, the company would have to think quite hard about how to explain where the "line" is if they allow the banter you describe to continue unchecked. Is it only unacceptable because he is new? If anything his comments were not talking about you personally while it sounds as though the comments about anal were directed at you?

Excellent advice from donquixote about how to phrase this to management

Quite apart from him not having mixed with the others, there also hadn't even been time for this man to get "mixed messages" ... it was his first day, for pity's sake, when most folk only care about making a decent impression

Make it clear to your boss that you are making a formal complaint of sexual harassment against this man - do this in writing. Get in touch with your union and ask for their support.

I understood it the same way OnTheRise - the OP basically calls out the inappropriate comments that are made to her/other women.

Sexist asshats will often be more likely to take a lesson on the inappropriateness of their behaviour from another bloke. Because they're sexist asshats! It sounds like the OP works in the sort of industry where if she reported every dodgy comment to HR she'd spend her life writing reports and attending meetings, so she and her colleagues have found a way of keeping it under control.

...not saying you should put up with Mr Creepy BTW - just don't think you need to put up with the rest of it either - and company is potentially digging a hole for itself by allowing it to continue. I'd definitely send him back to the Agency.

I think people have misunderstood the Big Dave post. Big Dave sounds great!

YANBU

This needs to go in writing to your manager, HR and the agency. They all have a legal duty of care responsibility to act otherwise you take your company to court for sexual harassment. IME managers dont take the correct action soon enough or just move the issue elsewhere - so other women become victims. If you include all 3 stake holders there is no where for them to hide or for this to go un dealt with. This is appalling behaviour that was repeated despite repeated communication from you that this was not acceptable. This is not for you to manage - but it is your responsibility to ensure it is reported very visibly. Do the right thing.

let us know how you get on op. he sounds like a prize wazock.

if you can shout stuff like that out (to Big DAve) then perhaps it is more understandable that yer man thinks his behaviour is appropriate.

YOu should report him for sexual harrassment and stop shouting stuff like that to Big Dave.

OnTheRise that is exactly what I was trying to give an example of.

AnotherAlias. None of it is acceptable in my book. None of it. Yes that comment was aimed at me and to be honest a word from Dave goes a lot further than a warning from upstairs.

It's not acceptable from the new guy because we would be working closely together for the most part ,just the two of us. I do have to interact with others at points during the day but I don't work directly with the men who have made offensive comments.

As far as Big Dave goes, OP is using him to reflect the sexist crap back at these wankers - am I right?

Glad you have a Big Dave on hand to deal with the other twattish comments. He sounds great!

Good luck with reporting this creep to your manager - hope he handles it well by firing his slimey ass immediately

I think the Big Dave interaction is funny and quite a good way of making the more thoughtless sexist think again. If he doesn't want to make those remarks to Dave, how come it's OK to say them to Maiden? Answer: it isn't.

A Dave Special can't have encouraged the creep to do what he did as he wouldn't have yet had a chance to witness one, being new 'n' all. He just seems to have been triggered by being paired with a female. One half-wonders whether he was making an extra effort to be creepier than usual because of being taught the job by a GURL, which hit him right in the masculinity, poor dear. So he had to wave the willy: "You may think you're better at this than I am but I have a PENIS. Go me!"