Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD dad's GF at wedding

39 replies

PinkPigtails · 28/05/2017 22:05

Both an AIBU and WWYD. Will try not to drip feed.

Divorced parents, Dad has had a number of GFs over the past 15 years and all have created their own family drama of some sort. He has been in a new relationship for about 6 months now and I have met this woman twice.

Both times she has got very very drunk and been really rude, about me and my brothers, about my fiance, in general and uses the worst language. We've been for dinner both times - the first time she swore multiple times at various waiters and the second time she spent most of the meal out of her seat talking to other diners (uninvited). I can't give many more examples without potentially outing myself.

So my AIBU is this...DP wants to just not invite her to our wedding next year. There will be young children there (family) and both of us feel we cannot trust her on the day to not get stinking drunk and be horrendously rude, offend our friends and family and not drop the c word in front of the kids.
But...equally she is my dad's gf, who he is smitten with and would be his +1

What would you do? WIBU to not invite her?
I've already told my dad my concerns but he thinks she'll be ok on the day....

OP posts:
Questioningeverything · 28/05/2017 22:08

Nah don't invite her

JollySmelly · 28/05/2017 22:11

No. Don't invite her. Your Dad can think she'll be alright on the night as much as he likes but on past form she probably won't be and it will only take one small outbreak of bad behaviour and that's your wedding memories fucked forever.

PlummyBrummy · 28/05/2017 22:11

Don't invite her. I didnt invite my mum's weird and disgusting boyfriend to our wedding and I'm delighted that he doesn't feature in any of our wedding photos. I'm amazed by how pushy some people get about other people's weddings though so you may need to be prepared to be very firm!

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 28/05/2017 22:13

I wouldn't invite her but I wouldn't discuss it with your dad yet.
Hope they break up in the meantime.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 28/05/2017 22:14

Not a hope, I wouldn't be seen crossing the street with her again much less have her at my wedding. But they are only together 6 months and the wedding is a while off yet so I wouldn't let it stress you, she probably won't be around

Birdsgottaf1y · 28/05/2017 22:14

Do you have to formally invite her and your Dad?

He might be less smitten in a year and it won't be an issue.

If it comes to it and you feel as though you need to invite her, you should arrange meet ups/meals out and tell your Dad if she can't behave, the invite is dropped.

FlyWaxSleepRepeat · 28/05/2017 22:16

The wedding is next year, so she's got plenty of time to prove she can behave appropriately or for your dad to come to his senses and dump her.

No point in worrying about it just yet.

MatildaTheCat · 28/05/2017 22:16

Just no.

Original poster
PinkPigtails · 28/05/2017 22:17

birds that's exactly what I've done so hopefully (definitely) will have plenty of "see...this is why"'s in a year's time.

Unfortunately as dramatic as his love life is, they all hang around for a looong time so I'd lay a lot of money on her still being around. I just don't want to make him feel awkward and alone

OP posts:
NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 28/05/2017 22:18

Don't invite her.

DancingLedge · 28/05/2017 22:21

Um,Pink, but it's OK if he brings someone who makes you feel awkward?

It's your wedding.

beekeeper17 · 28/05/2017 22:22

I think you've got a good excuse not to invite her, just explain that it's a family occasion and because you're parents are separated, you think her presence could cause some awkwardness, which would affect your own enjoyment of your big day. If you say it's the situation which will cause awkwardness rather than her, then she should hopefully not take it personally and hopefully your dad will understand too.

If you think she'll be upset at being left out, then go out for a meal or something with her and your dad close to the wedding date and have your own mini celebration.

OhOurBilly · 28/05/2017 22:28

YANBU. We didn't invite BIL to out wedding as he can't behave himself and I wasn't spending the day running round trying to make sure he wasn't causing havoc.

Original poster
PinkPigtails · 28/05/2017 22:31

An additional point to note is that the wedding is away from home so will be at least a week (potentially 2) rather than just a day. Mum and dad don't particularly get on and mum's DP will be there, potentially creating an awkward week for my dad. Help...

OP posts:
pipsqueak25 · 28/05/2017 22:32

she sounds a complete nightmare, no invite to wedding and no meet ups anytime soon either, let's hope df wakes up soon to her behaviour, she must have some redeeming features or may be she's his 'bit of rough' and a novelty Grin

TheMysteriousJackelope · 28/05/2017 22:35

The strict etiquette of having to invite cohabiting couples as they are a 'social unit' goes out of the window when one of the couple has been blatantly rude to the bride and groom. Don't invite her, don't feel bad for not doing so, and tell your father why. Hopefully he isn't going to marry her. If he does then it gets a bit more complicated because she would be your step-moth..... no, she was rude, gets drunk and uses the C word in front of children. No rubber chicken for her.

ShoutOutToMyEx · 28/05/2017 22:35

I think ultimately, it's about your dad. Can he promise to make her take you and your wedding seriously, and make sure she doesn't ruin it for you both? If you can't, then he'll have to come alone, and that's all on him, not you.

ShoutOutToMyEx · 28/05/2017 22:37

If he can't, sorry

TheMysteriousJackelope · 28/05/2017 22:37

Does your dad have a close male friend he could invite for his 'plus one' that he could have a laugh with and do male bonding stuff during the week away? That would get him away from your mother and her partner and change the dynamic of the week for him so he doesn't miss his girlfriend.

Original poster
PinkPigtails · 28/05/2017 22:40

themysteriousjackelope yes definitely, this has been my back-up plan if I need it. He's a bit of a party animal and the rest of the family aren't so much, so it means a lot to me that he's at least got the opportunity to escape and have fun. I don't want him feeling awkward, it's worrying me a lot

OP posts:
PavlovianLunge · 28/05/2017 22:46

Your DF thinks she'll behave, but she's got form.

I like birds' suggestion; if you feel you have to invite her, go for a couple of evenings out, on the understanding that if she acts up again, and proves she can't be trusted, her invitation as the +1 will be withdrawn.

Weddings, eh? Try to ignore the drama and just enjoy the run-up. (Easier said than done, I know.)

ShakingAndShocked · 28/05/2017 22:48

Only skim read but it does look like you are prioritising his needs (vis the current GF, vis worrying about him in context of DM/DP) over yours.

I quite liked the Press made up thing Pippa 'no ring no bring' strategy. Seriously, the number of +1's( who'd been together for a few months and I felt obliged when I was younger and a pushover to invite) in my wedding album who are now nowhere to be seen is just absurd!

Patriciathestripper1 · 28/05/2017 22:52

Really wouldn't worry too much about it right Now as she probably wont be with him by then.
If she is then just say NO,

BillSykesDog · 28/05/2017 23:06

You need to think 'What would Pippa do?'

Pippa Middleton had a blanket 'no ring, no bring' policy. You could tell your DF you are doing that across the board so she can't come because others might be offended.

honeyroar · 28/05/2017 23:09

Id go out with them two more times (spread out over the next few months) and if she slags anyone off, swears or creates a drama tell your dad that you're sorry, but you don't believe she's capable of behaving and you don't want her at the wedding.