WWYD dad's GF at wedding

[PinkPigtails]

Both an AIBU and WWYD. Will try not to drip feed.

Divorced parents, Dad has had a number of GFs over the past 15 years and all have created their own family drama of some sort. He has been in a new relationship for about 6 months now and I have met this woman twice.

Both times she has got very very drunk and been really rude, about me and my brothers, about my fiance, in general and uses the worst language. We've been for dinner both times - the first time she swore multiple times at various waiters and the second time she spent most of the meal out of her seat talking to other diners (uninvited). I can't give many more examples without potentially outing myself.

So my AIBU is this...DP wants to just not invite her to our wedding next year. There will be young children there (family) and both of us feel we cannot trust her on the day to not get stinking drunk and be horrendously rude, offend our friends and family and not drop the c word in front of the kids.
But...equally she is my dad's gf, who he is smitten with and would be his +1

What would you do? WIBU to not invite her?
I've already told my dad my concerns but he thinks she'll be ok on the day....

Don't invite her, she has a mouth on her, and will not be able to keep it shut, when the alcohol is flowing.
My DD invited one of my DSs girlfriends, who proceeded to heckle, throughout the speeches. 🙄

Do a Pippa - no ring no bring

The op can't do no ring no bring unless she's happy for her mother's dp not to be there as well.

An additional point to note is that the wedding is away from home so will be at least a week (potentially 2) rather than just a day

FFS

You'd be selfish AF to ask your dad to go on a two week holiday without his partner. No matter how vile she is.

I agree with Kokusai, it would be cruel to have a long holiday wedding and expect him to be on his own for that time when he has a long term girlfriend. Doubly so because he won't really get on with the other guests there as it'll be his ex wife!

You pays your money you take your choice. You've picked a more complicated wedding so you have more complications than others to work through.

I'd leave all parents and new partners at home so no-one feels awkward in the 2 weeks away, as you mentioned DDad and DMum both potentially feeling uncomfortable. Then have a party for all on return.
Alternatively, have a local do where you don't have to go away for 2 weeks to participate.
I know that's probably NO help as it's doubtless all been booked for months. Sorry!

"No ring, no bring" - could that lead to an engagement??

kokusai and politicalbiscuit I know it would be cruel, hence my asking WWYD. That's what I'm most worried about! He'd probably come for 1 week but considering I've spent a grand total of about 12 hours with her in which she has behaved pretty appallingly, can you see my dilemma? There's going to be kids there, she will be the woman getting in everyone's faces at the bar, getting drunk etc. Part of me thinks it would be more selfish to expose the rest of the family and their children to her for the entire week

TWO WEEKS? is this Hong Kong/ Australia/California/Maui? Just make it clear NOW you aren't inviting her. So your dad can choose and as PPs suggest, invite her to the home party. Don't quote no ring no bring - stupid concept - other people you're inviting might not be married but long term happy couples and she might insist she has a ring just so she can come. It's not just OK behaviour on the day OP, it's OK manners for a week or two weeks. If she's that loopy and your DP decides to come, I'd be checking she hasn't got keys to his home.

I don't understand why people can't just be honest. Tell them that she's made a show before and you don't trust her. If she can prove she will behave over the next year she can come. Any further drama and she's off the list

I can honestly see your dilemma but then you could see it too before you booked the destination wedding.

I don't think distance weddings are a good match for blended families but you picked it and if it's a bit shit then that's what you get for asking people to travel for a week so you can have the wedding that suits you best. It may not be for frivolous reasons that you're getting married away but still.

You'll have to give your Dad a good talking to beforehand, inform reasonable wedding guests they may need to help you out if she gets out of control and also ask staff on site to be alert to any unruly behaviour and stop giving her alcohol when she's drunk.

If I were you I'd marry locally then go away for a honeymoon. You can't expect your dad to spend a week's holiday away from his gf, yet obviously you don't want her there. I'm amazed you thought a wedding away from home, which involved your parents and their partners, was a good idea, tbh.

I hadn't thought about the wedding being a destination wedding when I commented previously. You've kind of created your own dilemma there. A family that does get on could struggle together for two weeks, let alone one with a dodgy element to it! It would seem as though you're really favouring your mum's side if you excluded your dad or made him suffer it alone. And you can't really wait much longer to see how she behaves as they'll need to book.. You can't win either way, it seems, with this kind of wedding!