Child maintenance

[Ladycsparkles]

My 3 year old dd is the result of an affair with a work colleague (I didn't know he was still with his partner at the time, that came later). When I found out I was pregnant and told him he admitted that him and his partner were still together despite living separately- it's a bit of an odd setup and I don't really know what to make of it.
Anyway, he told me to terminate, I refused, he said he didn't want to/couldn't have any kind of relationship with dd, fine, your choice.
Hes seen our daughter a few times, but not since she was 1 and she's about to turn 4 and start school.
Would it be really disgusting of me to put in a claim for cm? I'm agonising about this- on one hand why should he pay for a child he didn't want in the first place, on the other she is here and needs providing for.
I also run the risk of exposing him to his partner who isn't aware of our daughter, this wouldn't impact me directly as I no longer live locally but could have a knock on effect on his relationship with his children who are 14 and 9 (I think) and I dont want to cause any trouble for him.

I don't want to do it but am feeling the pinch financially atm so would I be unreasonable?

Ok I have clarified that he still works for the same company and have his email address (I want to send him some information on goods he may be interested in). Now to compose an email that doesn't make me sound like a money grabbing bitch!

Why not post your proposed email here and we may be able to help you.

Of course you dont want to go in all guns blazing threatening all sorts, but equally you dont want to be too nice and let him think he can manipulate you.

And dont forget that you do hold the trump card here. He wont want his secret to come out and as distasteful as it may be, you have that as a bargaining chip so dont waste it.

I totally agree you should claim and if you can email him now that is a good idea to give him a heads up or ask for a private arrangement as this will allow him to keep it from his family if he wants to which given he sounds like a dick that might not be a bad thing.

Is he already on the BC? Like others i would be worried about the impacts not just of contact but travel , schools, medical etc .

If you have had no contact for 3 years he could have a new partner, be single, have moved himself etc .

OP. lets look at this another way. He is her father, whether he likes it or not. And as such he has an obligation to pay towards her keep - it's not an option, it's the law. You may not feel as if you are money grabbing, but how about putting the money into a high interest account for when she leaves school? Then only she will benefit from it (if he kicks off).

It would be very unfair to her for him not to pay his share.

Eventually she will ask who her dad is and maybe in a few years will want to meet him. This is his opportunity to show that he stood up for his responcibilities.

She is 50% his DNA on top of child maintenence your daughter deserves to know her heritage and any potential medical information that might affect her.

He's a total shit for not paying towards his third child already. That was the least he could have done. As PP have said, he should have had a vasectomy if he didn't want any more children, that's the chance he takes every time he has sex. Fool of a man.

Thank you, I'll have a go at writing something when the kids are in bed and will post on here for opinions