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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To complain to school about ruined clothing??

37 replies

FloatyCat · 27/05/2017 13:06

DS is in Y7, Non uniform day at school yesterday. DS wore new ish tshirt.
In a lesson a boy reached out and deliberately (according to my DS) drew 2 lines down the front my DS tshirt in board marker. It's not washed out.
DS said asked the boy why he did that, and he was was understandably angry. The boy denied doing anything, smirking. Teacher told my DS off for talking.
I asked DS why he didn't tell teacher what had happened, he says the boy has ADHD and teacher just says 'he can't help it' whenever anything occurs with the boy.
The upshot we have a ruined tshirt which I'm pretty cross about. What is the best way to approach this?

OP posts:
AllTheWittyNamesAreGone · 27/05/2017 13:08

What do you want them to do exactly?

AlpacaLypse · 27/05/2017 13:10

There's two different things going on here. Thing one - children tend to trash clothing, which is why I tended to get second hand.

Thing two is about how school is dealing with a child who apparently is a menace to the other children and their property. That's the bit that needs talking about.

Blinkyblink · 27/05/2017 13:10

Don't do it, let it go. Annoying but not worth wasting teaching staff's time with this. If it happened again, then perhaps. But not as a one off.

usershitloadofnumbers · 27/05/2017 13:10

Ruining clothes is one thing, but being bullied is another. I would ask the teacher what is being done when someone hurts my kid or damage their clothes. If a teacher really said "a child can't help it" in real life, I would escalate this very quickly.

piefacedClique · 27/05/2017 13:11

They probably won't do anything about it but at least let them know.

Original poster
FloatyCat · 27/05/2017 13:18

I was tempted to let it go, but as it's not washed out I have started to get cross about it. School is closed for a week now anyway.
I see it as a failure on the teachers behalf to investigate / deal with it.
I also agree with not wearing 'best stuff' for school, however they are all starting to get image conscious etc at this age. I definitely bought 2nd hand when they were little.

OP posts:
happyhebe · 27/05/2017 13:19

What do you want them to do?

spanieleyes · 27/05/2017 13:20

They may well have investigated and dealt with it. But they won't be replacing it!

usershitloadofnumbers · 27/05/2017 13:23

What do you want them to do?

about the ruined clothing, nothing, it's only a tshirt.
about the behaviour of the kid who did ruin the tshirt? I expect him to be punished so he understand this is not acceptable. I would not want any child to suddenly refuse to go to school because of a bully who knows he can get away with anything. Even a preschooler knows that you don't draw on other people's clothes (or your own)

Lostmyemailaddress · 27/05/2017 13:25

I have a yr7 son with adhd if he did this to another pupils clothing I'd be fuming with him and he knows this. He has severe adhd and needs to go to a special school so I fail to see how a child with adhd doesn't know that it is wrong. If it had been my son I would have expected to be told and would offer to replace the clothing and would have explained to my ds that it would be coming out of his pocket money as a consequence. My dd1 also has adhd and is in mainstream primary school she did something similar last year to another child's bag. I told the mum I would take it home to wash and if it didn't come out of happily replace the bag and told dd1 any replacement would come from her pocket money.

Imnotaslimjim · 27/05/2017 13:25

I wouldn't be storming in, all guns blazing but I would be asking questions. Even if he does have ADHD he has to be taught that some behaviours are not acceptable.

As to the shirt - try spraying it with hair spray or rubbing it with vodka or gin. It might not work now you've washed it but you never know.

Original poster
FloatyCat · 27/05/2017 13:25

No it hasn't been dealt with spaniel.
My DS was told off for talking when he reacted to the boy doing it.
I don't expect the school to replace it, although I do expect them to deal with deliberately damaging clothing.

OP posts:
Saucery · 27/05/2017 13:28

To be fair to the teacher they didn't know what had happened as your DS didn't tell them. I would drop them an email after the holidays, with a photo of the shirt after washing and say it is unacceptable that your DS has to put up with behaviour like that. Behaviour, btw, that should not be punished as such, but support needs to be stepped up for the boy who did it.

satonmars · 27/05/2017 13:28

so your child didn't tell the teacher yet you expect the teacher to punish the child. How exactly can a teacher punish a child without knowing about it. You are blaming the teacher for not acting but if the teacher didn't see it happen, only saw your child saying something back to him and your child didn't say anything, they are clueless to help you. Don't go in all guns blazing to complain about something they know nothing about. Of course bring it to the teachers attention but unless they know, then they can't act appropriately.

VintagePerfumista · 27/05/2017 13:31

You perhaps need better washing powder.

And then ask the teacher what really happened. If you consider it worth making a fuss about. But tbh, primary school children and non-uniform days kind of cry out for felt tip incursions.

Hermanfromguesswho · 27/05/2017 13:31

It sounds as though the teacher isn't aware of what happened so wasn't able to deal with it.
I'd mention it to the teacher and say that your DS seemed reluctant to tell the teacher as he has got the impression that the other child is able to 'get away' with things that would get others in to trouble.
I would hope that the parent of the child who deliberately ruined the t shirt would offer to replace it once they are informed.

Saucery · 27/05/2017 13:33

Y7 is age 11/12, Vintage. First year secondary in England.

Idontmeanto · 27/05/2017 13:37

School need to know there's a problem. They may well not be able to replace the shirt, but the behaviour needs to be addressed ADHD or not.

ITooHaveBeenThere · 27/05/2017 13:38

If the other child has ADHD then there will be things put in place for 'deailing' with him appropriately behind the scenes.

But what would you consider an appropriate response to be?

What punishment do you think would eradicate his ADHD?

What punishment will remove the pen from the t shirt?

What response would you consider to be appropriate?

Besides, children are forever drawing on themselves and each other in whiteboard pen, both accidentally and intentionally, and it washes out easily.

Oh and for the person who mentioned bullying, a one of incident, however unkind, is not bullying.

wowfudge · 27/05/2017 13:42

You should tell school what happened and what your son said about not reporting it to the class teacher, i.e. why he didn't.

Did this happen out if the blue or was their interaction because the two boys beforehand?

EwanWhosearmy · 27/05/2017 13:42

Oh FFS. Two of my DC have ADHD and wouldn't behave like this. It's what gives the rest of us a hard time. If he was smirking there is no way he "couldn't help it".

EwanWhosearmy · 27/05/2017 13:43

What herman said.

usershitloadofnumbers · 27/05/2017 13:46

What punishment do you think would eradicate his ADHD?
stupidest comment of the week.

I expect at least a telling-off to show the other kids that the school has their back and that some bully doesn't get away with everything, so they shouldn't be afraid to speak up when there is unacceptable behaviour.
The same rules apply to everybody, and one child shouldn't be made to feel he's less important or valued than another. No child should be put off by school because of the behaviour of others.

I would absolutely get to the bottom of teacher just says 'he can't help it' whenever anything occurs with the boy. Maybe it's an exaggeration, maybe it isn't, but I would at contact the school about it.

Billben · 27/05/2017 13:47

You perhaps need better washing powder.

And you perhaps need to stop being cheeky.

OP, I would forget about the T shirt, but I would tell my child to explain to the teacher what happened the next time they see them. Depending on the teacher's response, I would either leave it or go in and have a word with them myself. Don't care if the child has ADHD, they shouldn't be able to think they got away with it.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 27/05/2017 13:48

As you have washed it already it might be too late, but you can try soaking it in milk (overnight) then wash it again & hang it outside. Don't worry about the weather! Between soaking & washing the mark will still look the same, but they usually come out.

I think I'd email the teacher (if you can, but whoever your school contact is) and explain what happened. See what they say.

Some kids can't help it, others can. If he was smirking, I'd say he can. I'd expect it to be dealt with in an appropriate way.