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AIBU?

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Original poster

OH let DD watch cartoons all day

66 replies

Natsku · 26/05/2017 22:22

OH was off work today ill, and DD's (6yrs - not in school, live abroad) daycare was shut so she stayed home with him while I went to work. The other employee couldn't come in so instead of my usual 3 hours I stayed all day to help out and got home about 4 o'clock and found DD sat on the sofa watching cartoons on the iPad, still in her knickers (so hadn't got dressed yet at all).

I don't expect him to entertain her, especially as he's ill, but she can and will go and play happily outside or in the playroom if you just tell her to switch off the cartoons, but if you don't tell her she'll watch for hours like a zombie. So he had just not bothered to tell her to go do something else all day - he's not even that ill, just a bad cold, he was well enough to sit at the computer watching films.

I cannot be unreasonable to expect him to make her go play or get some fresh air at some point during the day, right??! She switched off the cartoons the moment I told her and went outside happily enough, its not like its a big ask.

OP posts:
CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 26/05/2017 22:41

I'd have been annoyed. Especially as it then had an impact on your evening.

MrsJayy · 26/05/2017 22:43

I dont know why a pp thinks it is shit lazy parenting her parent was Ill are parents not allowed to be ill?

Megbert · 26/05/2017 22:46

Especially as it then had an impact on your evening

Heaven forbid.

Do people really resent cutting their partners a bit of slack when they aren't well?

Original poster
Natsku · 26/05/2017 22:46

She can't self-limit with tv, she's like a zombie in front of it.

How would that have been 'using her energy'?!

When the son arrives they run around outside playing tag, plus there's the half hour bike ride there and back.

Did you have to stay all day? I'd consider it pretty inconsiderate if you unnecessarily stayed late at work leaving an ill partner stuck with childcare

I really had to stay, Friday is their busiest day, and they wouldn't have managed without me. If OH was too ill to look after DD he would have called me and could have sent her in a taxi to me, or asked his dad to take her.

If she was more difficult I would have understood but its so easy to say to her 'that's enough telly for now, go and play' and she does it. But I get it, one day is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, and daycare is open again next week so it'll be fine, she just had a lazy treat day.

OP posts:
MarciaBlaine · 26/05/2017 22:49

Sounds fine to me. Sometime these things happen. She won't even bloody remember it.

Crunchymum · 26/05/2017 22:49

You say "instead of my usual 3 hours I stayed all day" which to me means you volunteered surely?

NapQueen · 26/05/2017 22:51

Maybe dh was waiting for you to return after your 3 hours thinking he could then go and rest and instead you chose to stay, which meant he couldnt. So he rested as best he could by just leaving dd get on with whatever she fancied?

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 26/05/2017 22:54

I have two boys now aged 18 and 16.
A few years ago they were obsessed with cartoons and kids TV. I thought it was a disaster, that they would grow up delinquents 😲
They never watch cartoons now - instead they are out ALL the time.
I long for the days when we hung out together watching cartoons. They are not delinquents.

OkPedro · 26/05/2017 22:54

Christ.. This place is like the twilight zone sometimes...

PyongyangKipperbang · 26/05/2017 22:58

I think its worse taking her to work and expecting her to entertain herself with the limited resources than letting her have a TV day with her dad tbh. You need to sort proper childcare and stop giving your DD half measures that suit you but then slagging your DH off for doing the same

Original poster
Natsku · 26/05/2017 23:00

They asked me to stay, I didn't volunteer, I am not one to work more than necessary but they really needed me and OH wasn't can't-get-out-of-bed-ill (if he was I wouldn't have left DD there). But I really really get it now, I WBU, its not a big deal, just one day, and I'm sure she enjoyed it as a treat, just made me a bit angry when I got home (also possibly because I was tired since I got up at 5 for work - start at 6:30, which is another reason I preferred not to take DD with me as its rather early for her)

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 26/05/2017 23:03

You needed a vent about it you ranted blow it away now ☺

ElasticGirl · 26/05/2017 23:04

Not hard for him to turn the TV off for a bit. She's 6 and can entertian herself. Or were they at least hanging out together to watch a movie, or had she been on her own watching TV all day? Can't believe he could be too ill to get her dressed, you are not being unreasonable. You have to make a bit of an effort if you are a parent even if you are ill, 7 hours of TV not acceptable.

Original poster
Natsku · 26/05/2017 23:05

PyongyangKipperbang

I think in the long run having to entertain herself with limited resources is better for her than tv days, but not this one day (as clearly pointed out - I have learnt that!). She has proper childcare but it was closed for teacher training and the duty daycare centre open was in the other town and I can't get her there. It may be that in the summer she'll have to come to work with me every day as her daycare closes for 5 weeks (usually her daycare is the duty daycare that always stays open but this year its changed and its the one in the other town that's 7km away which is far too far to expect her to ride her bike) but learning to entertain herself, and maybe actually help out (collecting dishes, that kind of thing), would be pretty good for her really.

OP posts:
Starlight2345 · 26/05/2017 23:05

We call them Pj days here..Though pants days may be more appropriate here.

He was ill.. Sometimes we all parent better than others. Feeling unwell are usually as less bothered days.

EllaHen · 26/05/2017 23:06

Bloody hell op, I 'm with you - YANBU. At all.

A bad cold? Shit parenting if you ask me. Takes nothing, except maybe the ability to care, to ask a child to come off screen time.

Original poster
Natsku · 26/05/2017 23:08

A good vent is needed - didn't want to vent at him because he's ill and I'm not a horrible person! Grin

I would have felt different if they were watching something together ElasticGirl even though that's quite illogical but I like it when they watch a film together as it helps them bond, but he was watching his own thing with headphones on and she was watching her own thing. But we'll do something together tomorrow and maybe she'll tell me about what she watched (she likes to tell her the plotlines of My Little Pony films and the Littlest Pet Shop cartoons) and take a positive from this.

OP posts:
IDontBowlOnShabbos · 26/05/2017 23:10

YANBU to be pissed off after a long shift to then have to do a late bedtime when all you would want to do is chill out yourself.

YABU to think that your partner was out of order for letting her chill out for the day.

It's fine to have a day of doing nothing once in a while, it's actually good for your mental health. Hopefully you're off tomorrow and you can enjoy the day with your daughter doing something fun.

Babyonboard101 · 26/05/2017 23:10

I'm sorry you expect your OH to send her on her own in a taxi to you when she's 6? Get your priorities straight love at least she enjoyed herself doing what she wanted and wasn't stuck at your work colouring until someone who would pay attention to her showed up.

Blueskyrain · 26/05/2017 23:13

If you normally start at 6.30am, and work for 3 hours, that meant you stayed an extra 6 hours at least, whilst your Oh was off sick and providing childcare. That is far more unreasonable IMO than him letting her watch cartoons all day.

ElasticGirl · 26/05/2017 23:22

Yes OP I think watching TV together can be a nice bonding thing and doesn't take much effort. Sure also one day of screens won't do her any harm, but I would have words with your DH when he's feeling better! I assume he does more with her if he's looking after her and he's not ill?

wickedgamestoplay · 26/05/2017 23:25

He was ill, she was obv happy with the plan and not driving him mad with boredom. I wouldn't be bothered as a very extreme one off

Original poster
Natsku · 26/05/2017 23:27

She'd be fine in a taxi Babyonboard101 we know most of the taxi drivers round here and ride in them often, she'd not be bothered about that and enjoys coming to work with me because she loves playing with their son (and all the old ladies that come in for coffee would pay her all the attention she wants - far more than she's getting from cartoons!) and gets plenty of attention there anyway as my bosses love her and always chat with her - they missed her because they were expecting her to come in today and asked me to bring her to visit tomorrow.

It was an extra 6 hours and that was very unexpected and I realise not fair to OH.

OP posts:
Original poster
Natsku · 26/05/2017 23:30

He's great with her when he's not ill ElasticGirl plays with her lots which makes me think now that probably I expected too much from him because he's usually so great. He's her step-dad but the only 'dad' she has around right now and stepped into the role well. So I think I felt let down because he's usually so great so it was a surprise to me, but unreasonable because maybe he didn't feel it was fair to make her play alone when usually he plays with her. Didn't realise that, this thread has been helpful, feel really bad enough about feeling angry.

OP posts:
ElasticGirl · 26/05/2017 23:46

He sounds nice, but with a touch of man flu. Don't feel bad, it's hard to juggle all the responsibilities in your life, you had to stay longer at work. I always feel guilty about something ! And being angry with your DH when he is being a bit rubbish isn't such a crime.

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