Ex-H slept with best friend - is this okay?

[ZiggyForever]

Another thread started me thinking, and I wondered what other peoples' opinions would be on something that happened to me a few years ago.

DH and I had already separated due to other issues, and about a year down the line (we were amicable and remained friends, probably helped by the fact I moved away) he phoned me to tell me he'd slept with my best friend the night before. He was single at the time, as was she, so TECHNICALLY they didn't do anything wrong, but it felt like a bit of a betrayal because it was with my closest female girlfriend at the time - in fact, I'd moved out and stayed with her for a few weeks when we first had some problems in the marriage. She knew my side of the story, offered support etc., and I was very grateful to her for being there for me.

I was glad he owned up straight away, and I told him it was okay, I wasn't devastated or anything, but when the friend still hadn't fessed up after a week I messaged her to tell her I knew, whereupon I got an outpouring of remorse. She really regretted it and apologised. Again, I said it was okay, but she should have told me etc.

We're still friends, but it's a bit icky, isn't it? Like I said, they didn't really do anything wrong - they were both single at the time - it just felt weird.

I can't work out if my occasional flash of discomfort and thinking "they really shouldn't have done that" is unreasonable or not . . .

I think a year after break up, that's fine. Time had passed your relationship is obviously over, no going back. All the boys dealt with. Then it's fine imo. There adults.

But your still entitled to feel upset.

I'm probably going aginst the grain here but ...

but when the friend still hadn't fessed up after a week I messaged her to tell her I knew, whereupon I got an outpouring of remorse.

.... your friend has nothing to confess to - you OP overstepped massive boundaries requesting she disclose her sex life to you . And your Ex - frankly if he;s telling you who he slept with you can bet your bottom dollar he's rated your performance and had a laugh with his mates.

That is not ok, for either of them. She's not your friend

If it's not ok with you then it's not really ok.

Technically no one cheated but you're still entitled to your feelings. There are some things you don't do if you care about your friends and ex's. Obviously ex partners move on and you don't always stay in touch. But a friend should do what they can to protect you from pain, not bring it in to your life.

I think it's shoddy behavior from both of them. I'm sure they each could have found someone else to sleep with.

Meh.

And your Ex - frankly if he;s telling you who he slept with you can bet your bottom dollar he's rated your performance and had a laugh with his mates

Bloody hell, bit of a leap there

Stilldrivingmebonkers

What an absolute pile of nasty, unhelpful bollocks.

And as for this.

'And your Ex - frankly if he;s telling you who he slept with you can bet your bottom dollar he's rated your performance and had a laugh with his mates.'

A figment of your imagination. How sad for you that you've come on here looking to wound.

It's a bit weird but if I'm honest it's not really worth falling out with either f them over it. I'm with you that it's a bit "icky" but not loads more than that.

Head says both single. Heart says a line has been crossed. Ex s are a no go area.

Am married to the ex boyf of a friend. I still feel guilty that she was hurt by it (she was v hurt at the time although they had been broken up for a while). Having said that I don't regret what happened, dh and I were/are truly mad about each other.