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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to allow daughters close relationship with dance teacher.

41 replies

Lonelymummyof1 · 25/05/2017 20:47

Background.

Daughter is 3 with life limiting illness, loves dance especually ballet and despite everything is actually very good at ballet for her age.

Her ballet teacher a v kind hearted person and daughter have clearly bonded in a very sweet way.

She goes out of her way ( free 1-1 lessons due to immune system ) organising ballet treats for her ( like helping with making her dream of royal opera house come true ).
She keeps in constact with me inbetween to make sure daughter is ok.

Daughter is very attached, dance teacher is by far her hero haha ( not offended )
She lives for ballet and speaks non stop about her teacher.

Most recently its half term next week and although school is normally closed.
She said she is still around if daughter would like her lesson.

I think she is lovely and very greatful for her kindness and help.

A friend of mine has just said that maybe I should distance their relationship.....

  1. Incase ballet has to come to an end and daughter will feel a sense of loss regarding her teacher.
  1. If anything happened to daughter and teacher has a strong bond with her she will feel the effects also.

Is she right ?

OP posts:
AlbusPercival · 25/05/2017 20:48

No she is not right.

Your daughter and teachers relationship sounds lovely.

If we followed your friends way of thinking we would never love anyone in case we lost them. What a bleak world that would be

QuiteLikely5 · 25/05/2017 20:49

This seems like a beautiful kind and beneficial relationship to your child so I do not see the harm in letting it continue.

Do not worry about the teacher she is an adult.

harderandharder2breathe · 25/05/2017 20:52

She's wrong. The teacher sounds absolutely lovely and I always think children benefit from having good relationships with adults other than parents and teachers.

By the sound of it, the teacher would probably be happy to meet for coffee and cake if DD did have to stop dancing due to her health.

And the teacher is an adult, and while she will undoubtably be affected by it if anything happens to DD, as an adult she's responsible for herself and her own choices and coping with things.

Original poster
Lonelymummyof1 · 25/05/2017 20:54

Ahhh thankyou, I had never really thought about it until it was mentioned.

Daughter does view her as her "safe " person who will never hurt her unlike every other adult she meets ( nurses, doctors etc )
She is very kind even if daughter can not say dance one session she will just sit and read ballet books etc

You can see the bond between them

OP posts:
Killdora · 25/05/2017 20:54

I don't believe she is right op.

It sounds like a lovely relationship, one that will be treasured by both your dd and her dance teacher.

It would be fantastic if it could go on as long as possible.

It sounds as though the teacher would visit even if they had to stop.

You must be so proud of your dd, how wonderful that she has found a passion for down nothing that she has a gift for Flowers

Killdora · 25/05/2017 20:54

Stupid typos I'm so sorry 'doing something that she has a gift for.'

TheAntiBoop · 25/05/2017 20:55

Does your friend mean because your dd has many years left and the teacher may lose interest? Or that your dd may not be able to participate at some point?

If the latter, I would have thought the bond with the teacher will help rather than hinder. If the former, I would have thought that is likely to happen gradually of it does.

If your daughter is happy I can't see that worrying about things that may not even happen is helpful. Odd that your friend has put so much thought into it!

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 25/05/2017 20:56

I doubt anything would keep her teacher away op. . She sounds committed to your dd's happiness. .

Jakeyboy1 · 25/05/2017 20:57

Some people are just nice and it is lovely they have a great relationship. But you are her mum and if it's a bit much for you just cool it when you need to a simple "oh thanks that's really kind but she's going to see her aunty/cousin/dog that day instead should suffice.

Blimey01 · 25/05/2017 21:01

It sounds like a wonderful friendship and one to be cherished. Flowers

Original poster
Lonelymummyof1 · 25/05/2017 21:03

I think the reason she has probably put more thought in to it than me is she is also very close to us, but I am also more about keeping daughters dream going that maybe I did not consider impact on either side until talking to her earlier.

I do not want teacher to feel oblidged to go betond her duties.

OP posts:
DancingLedge · 25/05/2017 21:05

Your daughter is gaining so much.
Clearly, the teacher is as well.
The bond between them has some flexibility, so can change with the circumstances.
The teacher is a grown up, not your job to protect her from feeling emotions.

I feel really pleased your daughter has this, and I don't even know her.

And whatAlbus said. FlowersBearFlowers

SarahGraceMc · 25/05/2017 21:05

Op the kindness of your daughters teacher has made me well up, what a lovely friendship to have and it clearly fills both teacher and pupil with joy Smile

changingmylifecompletely28489 · 25/05/2017 21:09

OP, your friend is terribly wrong. This type of connection is so rare nowadays... kindness too! Flowers

jamrock · 25/05/2017 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1494949919 · 25/05/2017 21:13

Well what a miserable attitude to life that is!

It sounds like ballet and the relationship with the teacher are adding so much to your daughter's life. No one can guarantee that a relationship or any given good thing will last, but we have to take risks and teach our kids to be courageous in loving and trusting others, and how to deal when good things end.

But like PP said it doesn't sound like the teacher is about to bail at any point soon.

The second point your friend made, about protecting the teacher from the effects of loss, really isn't a decision that you should be making. This is a choice the teacher needs to make for herself.

Honeybee79 · 25/05/2017 21:14

It sounds like a great relationship. Lovely.

Waddlelikeapenguin · 25/05/2017 21:16

With sounds like a lovely friendship.

"Better to have loved & lost" & all thatFlowers

Waddlelikeapenguin · 25/05/2017 21:16

With sounds like a lovely friendship.

"Better to have loved & lost" & all thatFlowers

Crumbs1 · 25/05/2017 21:18

What's the saying? Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
Let her enjoy whilst she can. The teacher can decide whether she is prepared to give knowing it might not be for ever.

DomJolyNurse · 25/05/2017 21:20

No I think it is fine. The teacher is old enough to decide about her attachment.
It is better to have loved and lost, than never loved at all . . . and all that. As in I think it is better for your daughter to have loved ballet passionately for a time than to never have loved it! She may be sad it is over, or there may be another interest at the time and ballet fades away.

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 25/05/2017 21:21

God what an embittered world your friend must inhabit!

DomJolyNurse · 25/05/2017 21:21

double x-post!

EezerGoode · 25/05/2017 21:23

Nasty jealous friend you have there

Original poster
Lonelymummyof1 · 25/05/2017 21:24

I should probably add my friend was not being mean at all, I think she was just worried about daughter.
She is also a genuinly lovely person who has been there for us a great deal at the worse times.

OP posts: