AIBU to allow daughters close relationship with dance teacher.

[Lonelymummyof1]

Background.

Daughter is 3 with life limiting illness, loves dance especually ballet and despite everything is actually very good at ballet for her age.

Her ballet teacher a v kind hearted person and daughter have clearly bonded in a very sweet way.

She goes out of her way ( free 1-1 lessons due to immune system ) organising ballet treats for her ( like helping with making her dream of royal opera house come true ).
She keeps in constact with me inbetween to make sure daughter is ok.

Daughter is very attached, dance teacher is by far her hero haha ( not offended )
She lives for ballet and speaks non stop about her teacher.

Most recently its half term next week and although school is normally closed.
She said she is still around if daughter would like her lesson.

I think she is lovely and very greatful for her kindness and help.

A friend of mine has just said that maybe I should distance their relationship.....

1. Incase ballet has to come to an end and daughter will feel a sense of loss regarding her teacher.

1. If anything happened to daughter and teacher has a strong bond with her she will feel the effects also.

Is she right ?

There is no such thing as too much love. This woman loves your daughter and your daughter loves her. Why on earth would you want to put an end to that? It is nothing but good.

She is also a genuinly lovely person who has been there for us a great deal at the worse times.

Is it possible that she could be feeling a little bit of jealousy? Perhaps her nose is being pushed out of joint by the relationship between your daughter and this other woman. Perhaps her own position feels more tenuous/threatened now.

Sometimes jealousy can be dressed up as concern and "worry".

I don't see why anyone would deny a small child love.

Oh gosh no I think it sounds a really lovely relationship and it would be unfair and unhelpful to your DD to start distancing this person. This lady sounds to be getting a lot out of the relationship too and would maybe be as upset as your DD not to be allowed to share her love of ballet with her. It's such a pure and kind thing to do and is very special.

I'd say just let your daughter enjoy the relationship with her dance teacher in all it's forms, and be thankful that you found that particular teacher because she sounds wonderful. As does your daughter!
When's the special concert happening?
for you too

God your friend sounds well miserable and pretty negative. If someone did something good for her would she be that naturally negative?!

My DM was a teacher when a child in her class, age 8, was diagnosed with cancer that eventually took her life. Initially, when people were hopeful, she would pop round to keep in touch with the child, make sure she was happy about coming back to school, play games with her, hear her read... But soon it became apparent that she was not going to return to school. So DM kept on going round, sat with her, read to her, did jigsaws with her, chatted to her mum and dad, kept an eye out for the child's sibling at school (a friendly face who was consistent between what was going on at home and school) and kept in touch with the child's parents when she did eventually die.
DM was desperately upset, but so glad she'd been able to help provide a bit of happiness and support at such a hideous time. And she talks of this little girl often, even though it was 20 years ago.she would have been really upset to have been cut off from the family when she enjoyed their company, including that of the little girl, and felt like she was doing something to help.

If you think that the teacher cannot cope with the level of interaction long-term, then talk to her. But it sounds so loving and caring, and tbh mutual, that I wouldn't worry that she'll let your dc down too much.

But I would make sure that she was included in news and that she knows how to get access to support as an important person in your dd's life.

2. If anything happened to daughter and teacher has a strong bond with her she will feel the effects also.

I think it's very sad to see this as something to be avoided. The grief of losing people we are close to is sometimes overwhelming. But I don't know anyone who would swap their grief for a life without the bond in the first place.

Your friend was being thoughtful, but I think she's totally wrong. This isn't something to avoid, it's something to be grateful for.

People might want to cool it a bit about the friend as it's likely only to upset the op.

Op is there a possibility your friend is concerned about the natured of the relationship and is dressing it up as something easier to say? If not I'd say no, it's between you and the teacher and your daughter. Everyone sounds lovely

baby your DM sounds like an actual, proper angel.
And so does the ballet teacHer.

The world need far more people like this, far more

Your friend sounds a bit misguided. The fact your DD may one day have to stop dancing isn't a reason to stop her dancing now. Also your DD's teacher is likely already very fond of your DD and will be effected by antyhing happening to her already.

I was learning support for a child with a life limiting illness. I spent a lot of time with them, over and above what was 'needed'. I still see the family now many years later. Sometimes a connection is just made and I think it's lovely that your DD's teacher feels able to do such a special thing for your DD.

It's hard but you have to focus on the now and not the what ifs. I'm sure the teacher gets a lot out of the relationship as well. She sounds very caring.

I know a dance teacher in a similar situation. She too had a little girl in her classes who was very sick. In time she died. Whilst she was ill, she carried on fostering her love of dance, and they made special adjustments for her too. After her death, the school presents a trophy in her name. This little girl now has a sister, who dances there too. I know it was a great comfort to her family, and they remain really close.

As PPs have said, there's no such thing as too much love. And people often struggle to know how to help in the face of helpless situations- I expect the teacher gets as much pleasure from the relationship as your DD does. Treasure it.

When I was wee - 4/5 - I had a lovely teacher who I loved a great deal, I was allowed to sit on her knee - slept on her knee more than once - and she mothered me quite a bit. Made up for home circumstances that were pretty dreadful. I liked having the same lady there every day who was always able to care for me and who was always the adult.

She stopped teaching me when I turned 7 but I was encouraged to write her letters , and did so, and got replies (I wish now I still had them). It did hurt that she didn't teach me anymore and I remember crying my eyes out initially but years on I think she was right to care for me as she did and have very positive memories of that time now.

Honestly , I wouldn't worry at all - both you, your wee girl and the ballet teacher sound lovely , I wish you all the best

Did you post recently about taking your DD to the Royal Opera House (or similar)?

Your DD sounds obsessed with ballet. If she's 3 with a life limiting illness why would anyone begrudge her doing what she loves for whatever time she has.

Her teacher sounds lovely and wouldn't offer these extra things if she didn't want to

I am sorry for your family situation. It is lovely that your DD has a passion for something that she loves and has met someone who shares that passion. I would personally touch base with the teacher - mention that it has been raised as a possible issue - and ask her how she would like to continue going forward. I think as an adult if you are involved in decisions you own them. If things are assumed or presumed you can become more resentful.