To be pissed off at just being dropped last minute?

[Writerwannabe83]

I have a friend who I've known since school, so 16/17 years and three years ago we both had a child within a few months of each other. Prior to the children coming along I didn't see her too frequently but as we then had young infants at the same time we naturally saw each other more and this has continued to the point we probably see each other maybe once a week. Our children (both 3) get along really well and we get them together whenever we can really.

Last week when we met up we agreed that the following Thursday (tomorrow) we'd take them to a local animal sanctuary which is supposed to be really fun for young children and my DS has been really looking forward to it.

Anyway, I text her tonight to ask what time did she want to set off tomorrow and she basically said she's made other plans to go to the beach now but she's free Friday if I still want to go to the Sanctuary.

I felt really pissed off, not only because I've just been dropped but because she also didn't even bother to let me know.

My son was so excited about seeing his friend and going on the day out.

She does have form for being a bit flaky at times but she's never been this rude before and I feel quite upset about it. I always thought if you made plans with someone then you stick to them, not just change your mind if a better offer comes along and then not even bother to tell them. It wasn't as though she even extended the invite to ask if me and DS wanted to go to the beach too.

It's coming up an hour since she answered my text but I still haven't replied because I just don't know what to say. I don't want her to think that what she's done is ok but nor do I want to cause a rift.

My DH thinks I'm overreacting but I feel so let down, angry and pissed off!

I agree emmyrose. I encountered two people when I had young dc who just dumped for a better offer. Rude, selfish people. Neither of them has/had a MH issue. They weren't agraphobic, they were out with somebody else. I found out because having promised my dc we'd go out, we went out as planned to find them both there with somebody else - two separate occasions. I dumped them pretty quickly after that. I'd just never do that to somebody, it's so selfish.

Exactly, emmy. I do suffer with MH issues, but avoid visiting that on others whenever possible. Others might have them, too. 'Oh, give them a chance. Stick with them.' She has. More than once. It's rude to do this. It's hurtful, especially because the little boy was looking forward to it.

its git nothing to do with mh issues she is just rude and selfish. She decided to out elsewhere and didn't bother even telling op
That's not agoraphopbic not nervousness just inconsiderate and selfish.

Some people are just full of their own importance. People with genuine mh don't need others blaming every incidence of rudeness and rubbish behaviour on mh issues. I have had depression but I never saw it as an excuse to treat friends like dirt.

Some of you are reacting very strongly to this! I have a group of friends that meet about once per week. Someone cancels most weeks, usually because young children get sick a lot.

This isn't a group, Selkie, and this person has form for cancelling. And her child isn't sick.

Selkie
OP and 'friend' made arangements roudn ops work. Friend didnt bother to tell op she wasnt going and had made other arrangements.

Thats not a reasonable thing to do, no child was sick, no work emergency etc etc. Just pathetic excuse for a friend.

She has no MH issues - it's simply just rudeness.

Me and DS have had a lovely morning together so far, now we are just having lunch and then we are heading out again to his favourite park.

The majority of my anger lies with the fact she couldn't even be arsed to tell me she'd changed her plans or even check before if we could just rearrange for another day. As another poster said, if I hadn't have messaged her last night when was she actually going to let me know? Or was I just going to be left knocking on her front door this morning when she was already half way to the beach?

We live very close to each other but to be honest if it weren't for the children I doubt we'd see each other on a one-to-one basis.

I think I will take heed of the advice to stop making plans with just the two of us and stick to group social events instead to prevent this happening again

I think some people just don't understand the concept of making social commitments. I have a very good friend who worked in a very high powered job which necessitated a lot of last minute travel and so led to many last minute cancellations of plans. As a group and as an individual we/I got used to it and never expected to see her unless and until she showed up - when she is always excellent company. A couple of years ago she stopped working and was very vocal about how great it would be to have more time to socialise but in fact she cancels/no shows just as often as she ever did, she just has different reasons now.

Well I can see that your using your degree in mental health to good effect

If you're sick of her doing this to you and find it rude, cancel the friendship. Your kid will be young enough to forget about the other one in a few weeks time. Move on.

YANBU, I've got a friend like this and it's rubbish. At some times she has been with us and decided to ditch someone else, so it's definitely just lack of consideration and not mh related.

Not sure why you can't go in the play area pregnant though! I remember climbing to the top of a soft play and going down the slides with a two year old the day before one dc was born, that does sound a bit precious. .qq

Her photos have just gone up of her on a lovely busy beach and it appears she ditched me to spend the day there with her new boyfriend So cliche

And I didn't mean to sound previoys about the adventure playground issue, I have a cardiac condition which pregnancy has exacerbated and chasing my 3 year old through a multi-layered play centre just isn't an option

I had this with a friend, who was super super flaky OP- always cancelled before birthday parties when I always trekked to hers- final straw was texting me an hour before my baby shower with another crap excuse.

I didn't reply- then get a flower delivery later that day- think she got the message.

She's rude. I think it's time to expand your son's network of friends and spend more time with others than her and her son.

What do you mean, AtHomeDad? Should we assume every instance of rude, crappy behaviour is down to poor mental health until proven otherwise? Why??
Some people are just ill mannered, plain and simple.

Life's too short to bother with this sort of person and nonsense, OP. Drop her and move on.

If your mental health means that you may need to cancel things with no warning then tell people that. Then they can choose when, how and whether to make plans with you.

It never ceases to amaze me how stupid some people are. They make excuses about not meeting up and then post their alternative activities on social media.